Play dates - anyone else's child never invited?

[FallingStar21]

Just seeking other parents' experiences and opinions. DS is 7, likeable enough to have several good friends and invited to many classmates' birthday parties. He loves play dates, so we've been inviting his friends over. Problem is, he is never invited back - apart from once, to a friend's house after friend had come to ours many times and we'd taken him on a family day out (I can't help but think the mum was just feeling guilty at this point). Another friend has also been over lots, but parents never offered a play date at their house. These are his closest friends but we have invited others too (albeit not so many times), who also never reciprocated. I know that people don't owe us anything and life is busy, etc. It's just that I know how much my DS would love to be invited (from things he's said) and I feel sorry for him. Personally, I also can't imagine accepting invites continuously from the same people but never offering to host.
So I am trying to understand if that's fairly common or have we just not found the right friends/parents for mutual playdates?
And what are your experiences?

I agree with this.

I posted above to say we don't do playdates due to work etc. But I just want to confirm that DS doesn't ever actually ask for any! So it's not a case that all parents are 'brushing off' their kids' requests for playdates..... often a child that doesn't have many/any playdates wouldn't think to ask their parent for one.

And with 4 days of clubs and afterschool club, football club at weekend, swimming lessons at the weekend too... I honestly think DS is happy to just be chilling at home with me, his Dad and his little brother. He's with kids his own age all day in the week until 5:30 or 6ish and that's a lot of social interaction on its own!

Would you rather others consistently decline your invitations for playmates? How would that make your DS feel.

From a different perspective, I feel guilty if someone invites my DS somewhere and I decline more than once, so I'll say yes. I don't want to be rude and essentially reject a child who would like to spend time with mine.

The way I see it - we all have busy lives, jobs, after-school activities, extended families to see, obligations. But some of us just make the effort to accommodate playdates, some genuinely can't, and others don't give a hoot about doing their bit. Let's just be honest 🤷

Play dates are a really difficult one.

My parents worked full-time and it just wasn't possible for them to accommodate play dates during the week. I was in wrap-around care and clubs until 6pm and by the time we got home, it was homework, tea, bath and bed. We didn't have time for anything else.

So it's not that they didn't want to reciprocate, it's that it just wasn't possible.

I did occasionally have friends over at the weekend but between work (they both had jobs where they had weekends on-call), errands, family time and down time, there wasn't really much time left over.

School holidays were also spent in childcare - and if my parents were off work then we tended to go away somewhere, so again, not an option.

I grew to hate playdates. With 1 kid was ok, but now there are more. Extra cleaning, the mess they make, awkward situation with parents when kids fall out and no longer want to be friends... you name it.
Also the other parents aren't very helpful... have to navigate what their kids are allowed and not allowed to play or watch, somebody will be get pissy, meh.

We struggle now with playdates due to dh working from home most of the week. Dc2's room is above his work area and last time he was on a work call when she had friends around it sounded like he was on a bouncy castle with them. Even when I keep them away from that side of the house them charging around shooting each other makes a racket which travels. Most of their school friends don't have parents working from home.

I tried to organise one for next week today. The only two days after school the child in question could do, dc2 goes straight into activities. We've had to agree on weekends. So activities are also a factor I think.

I have this too, but agree with the PP that it may be that single child households are more keen?

I have one son who is 6 and I've definitely hosted more play dates than have been reciprocated. As my son is an only child, I think it's really important to have friends over for him. I don't mind hosting but it's definitely hit and miss. I like hosting because if it goes well the kids entertain themselves and are at an age where they don't need loads of supervision. I can then get stuff done that I need to which I cant do if you meet up at the park or whatever. BUT sometimes the kids don't get a long and it's constant fire fighting which is annoying. I only really have two other mums that reciprocate but unfortunately it's not the children my DS would prefer to play with.

I'm currently pregnant with DS2 and so we'll see if we continue to host. In my head, it'll be easier to have play mate for my son than juggle between him and the baby but I might be being optimistic!

Yep this does my head in as happens to us with my middle one (with older one it’s brilliant as completely even). For middle one I had a mum say “oh I can’t do play dates as can’t stand house getting so messy ha ha”. We are known as the fun house as have big garden with lots of stuff, all the snacks and I have 3 boys so used to mess and noise. I am happy to be the fun house as hopefully will continue when kids are older that they feel welcome here. Does annoy me though.

My middle one especially is desperate to go to other people’s houses and play with their toys! He’s started to arrange play dates himself in school with friends and then the parents have to go along with it.l!

I don’t do as many play dates as I would like because, as well as the general fitting it in around work and activities and family time etc, I genuinely am irrationally worried that the kids will be bored or won’t get on and it will be horribly awkward! Is this just me?! I think we had some bad ones when DC was 3/4 ish that ended in tears and it’s slightly scarred me for life!

We both work full time, and kids have clubs every day after school. We also do a couple of activities over the weekend. However we still do playdates for my children 6 and 8. Either a couple of hours at the weekend, or one squeezed in at the last minute the odd times activities are cancelled (and I occasionally let them miss stuff like swimming lessons). They love them and I think it's important for them to spend time with their friends (instead of spending all free time as purely family time).

However I am utterly sick of having kids over and mine never getting asked back. My children are also noticing and ask why they have never seen the inside of x's house when he has been over to theirs 10 times now. They are desperate to see their friends rooms and toys. I think it's crap that people are happy with me feeding their kids and clearing up after them, but not willing to host back. And I know people well say 'just stop doing them then' but ultimately then both my children and theirs miss out because another parent just can't be arsed.

I don't think that not wanting kids over because of size / messiness of house, or someone wfh is a great reason to never do them either. When we've had similar issues, I've taken my children's friends out to mcdonalds ,/ cinema / Park with us instead of having them over

I actually love having kids over and do take them out to places regularly but my teenager has some very wealthy friends and she's embarrassed having them over. Her less wealthy bestie is at our house all the time though

My middle one especially is desperate to go to other people’s houses and play with their toys! He’s started to arrange play dates himself in school with friends and then the parents have to go along with it.l!

That's shitty behavior and you need to teach your child better.

They are desperate to see their friends rooms and toys.

What is it with people today feeling so entitled to others' property, or time, or parties?

Honestly, this kind of thing is what puts me off playdates. Had invited children and been hospitable, then next thing they demand. Ok, kids will be kids, and maybe their friend has some nicer toys, but parents should know better.

Is your child an only child?
Mine is, and I found that other parents were happy for theirs to come to me for play dates but it was harder for them if they had other children; sometimes because ‘if you invite a friend for one child you need to invite one for the others’ or other issues I didn’t have because I only had to think about 1.