At a loss with my 5 year old DS

[Mobiwhale]

I’ve been spoken to several times by his teacher, both this week and last week. He started reception in September.
Before Christmas he had a glowing report at parents evening and academically speaking he’s very able. He can read very well and he’s always been really interested in numbers and space, science stuff. He wants to know everything, asking lots of questions all the time at home, which we answer, but sometimes it’s questions like “what would happen if the sun swallowed the earth?”
He’s quite fixated on death and dying at the moment too.

His behaviour at school today has included telling one of the other children he’s going to fart in their face, non stop fidgeting on the carpet when doing phonics, distracting others, ‘dysregulated’ as his teacher put it. Last week it was running around the classroom, even when asked to stop, saying he was the fastest runner…not listening to instructions during p.e. And constant talking when he was told not to.

His teacher asked me after school today if I could think of anything that might help him. I have a few ideas, but I’m not really 100% sure what to suggest.
I don’t know what’s caused the change and school don’t seem to think it’s anything there. Like friendships etc.

Has anyone had a similar situation and can advise? I feel really tearful tonight about it all.

What have you tried already and what is his home life like? No one can really advise without more info / context.

There is one child who disrupts the class like that in my son's year 1 class. He's 1 of 9 children and always desperate for attention, it's sad.

Is he possibly ‘gifted’ and a little bored with the pace in reception? Or would there possibly be some other kind of SEN at play here? ASD or adhd?

The teacher can also speak to the Senco about his behaviour and get some ideas from them on what could be going on and how to deal with it. They may involve you too depending on what could be going on.

My DS played up when he first started Reception and the Senco recommended a few tweaks to the teachers behaviour management with him got him back behaving very quickly. Some children need a more bespoke approach.

Sounds quite similar to my DS @Mobiwhale so you're not alone! I've also found it a struggle so far this year.

His teacher has mentioned possible ADHD though of course too young for a diagnosis at the moment. They have put in a referral to the specialist behaviour unit who might come and provide additional support. Do you know if your area has anything like that? Or maybe a discussion with the SENCO at your school?

Sending unmumsnetty hugs x

How does he behave at home? Will he sit quietly when asked? Does he respond to your instructions?

He sounds pretty normal to me, OP, I wouldn't worry about it one little bit. He sounds wonderful! What an uptight teacher - he's only 5!

OP is right to be concerned. Her child needs to pay attention to instructions and do as they’re asked so that he can stay safe and learn and build relationships.

My son is in reception and had a similar first year. The teacher seems happy to confer with us about it though and he's responding well to sticker charts and special tasks like carrying equipment for grown-ups where possible. Things seem to be calming down for us as the school year progresses but I can totally relate to your comment about feeling tearful, it's an awful feeling 😔

Not a major problem with home life. We give him lots of attention and play games with him etc. he comes into our bed most nights. We’ve never stopped him from doing that either. Not sure if that’s part of the problem.

Re: the gifted comment. He could be. He taught himself to read at a very young age and his maths skills are pretty exceptional. His memory is amazing (better than mine).
There could be ASD/ADHD but we haven’t looked at any assessment yet. I just don’t know.

You could try a fidget cushion when he is sitting on the carpet. It unbalances the child and they have to keep their balance so they can focus on balancing and listening. Rather than sitting and listening.

Not sure about the other issues. I think the farting in the face is a normal reception thing. My daughter is that age and finds it hilarious.

He’s an only child also, but I don’t think that matters in this context, or maybe it does.

Teaching himself to read before school is very unusual and amazing. There are a couple of chn in our reception/ yr1 who appear to ignore instructions or repeatedly carry on doing what they’ve been asked not to do.Its unusual as chn normally want to conform and fit in with their peers. In those two chn, one has ADHD and the other is the youngest of 8 and mum freely admits she gets away with all sorts at home as she’s the ‘ cute baby’ .

Teaching himself to read before school can mean hyperlexia, which is a feature of ASD. I would look into it if I were you.

Maybe a lack of boundaries at home makes him think he can act how he wants at school? He’s five and at school so shouldn’t still be coming into your bed imo.

From friends’ experience it sounds a ms though the best way to help support your son would be to get an assessment asap for possible SEN.

If you can pay to have one done privately it’ll be worth it so you can progress to supporting him appropriately as soon as possible. It does sound very likely that he has some neurodiversity, and that he will be able to learn best once this is better understood.

try not to worry too much - he sounds like an amazing child and he is going to be absolutely ok, especially with your support and energy in his corner 💐

How is his performance in school? My DS is really disruptive. Hes top of the class though. He can literally misbehave and distract everyone and still at the same time hes able to repeat word for word what the teacher explained at that time. It was really bad year 1-3. Hes in year 4 now and has an amazing teacher. She keeps him more busy. Shes fascinated by him and finds him very entertaining 🙈 But shes figured out how to keep him busy enough to tone it down. He still acts out with all the other teachers in pe for example or music class. His main teacher says the way they describe him just doesnt fit her view at all. I think shes just figured out how to handle it.
DS is very interested in learning everything, but he also gets bored if things are too easy. Hes a bit of a know it all too and loves debating stuff to death. Its exhausting. Im a teacher too and kids like him are not easy.

What utter crap. Co-sleeping is completely normal all over the world, and has bugger all to do with disruptive behaviour in school.

Everything the teacher has relayed to you sounds like normal five year old behaviour. Is it a large class? Is the teacher unable to manage the children so she's choosing to try and blame the parents? Maybe he isn't being stretched enough at school so is bored.

Fidgeting whilst doing phonics isn't even worth mentioning does she expect five year olds to sit still whilst practicing phonics?

What makes you think possible adhd if this behaviour has only been going for a week?

is he young in his year or old?
is usually he keen to please authority figures or doesn’t really care?
is he bored?
is this a new teacher?
has he seen a new show?
has he played a new game?
has he made a new friend?

If this is brand new behaviour and not like him, he's likely witnessed someone else doing this kind of thing and fancies giving it a go himself. Kids do go through phases where they act up. Or maybe he just needs a few days off to break the habit. Call in sick for a rest day or two and spend some time with him (if possible).

he’s only 5, though. Toilet humour/obsession goes on years longer. Death thing normal but definitely fucks with their heads. Also some kids, especially very bright kids, start with anxiety around now (often caused by the death thing) and may try and hide it - so this behaviour could be a deflection?

@Devonshiregal
They just seem rather concerned about it, so it’s making me worried too.

To answer your questions:

1. He’s the oldest boy in his year
2. He’s not bothered about authority figures and never particularly eager to please
3. Possibly bored because he knows phonics already and can read
4. Not a new teacher
5. No
6. No
7. No

@PremiumRaa Its actually a much smaller than average class.

where is he hearing about the sun absorbing the Earth? he is too little to understand and it is bound to be upsetting and frightening for him

If he can already READ then no wonder he is fidgeting during phonics.

I know it must be difficult for teachers to handle 30 children but it's not your DS's fault he's "dysregulated" during a lesson that probably bores him senseless.

My son was a lot like yours (read early, head for numbers, LOVED space, science, volcanoes) and I'd say best thing you can do is try to work with the teacher to keep him engaged and learning on his own level. This might include allowing him to read proper books while the rest of the class does phonics, letting him run messages/errands to get his energy out, etc.

If I could go back in time and tell my younger self a few things, one would be not to feel too sad or upset about my son's behaviour. Some teachers will judge bright, energetic kids more harshly when they don't conform.