At a loss with my 5 year old DS

[Mobiwhale]

I’ve been spoken to several times by his teacher, both this week and last week. He started reception in September.
Before Christmas he had a glowing report at parents evening and academically speaking he’s very able. He can read very well and he’s always been really interested in numbers and space, science stuff. He wants to know everything, asking lots of questions all the time at home, which we answer, but sometimes it’s questions like “what would happen if the sun swallowed the earth?”
He’s quite fixated on death and dying at the moment too.

His behaviour at school today has included telling one of the other children he’s going to fart in their face, non stop fidgeting on the carpet when doing phonics, distracting others, ‘dysregulated’ as his teacher put it. Last week it was running around the classroom, even when asked to stop, saying he was the fastest runner…not listening to instructions during p.e. And constant talking when he was told not to.

His teacher asked me after school today if I could think of anything that might help him. I have a few ideas, but I’m not really 100% sure what to suggest.
I don’t know what’s caused the change and school don’t seem to think it’s anything there. Like friendships etc.

Has anyone had a similar situation and can advise? I feel really tearful tonight about it all.

OP I work with this age group. He sounds bored out of his mind. He’s bright. He knows this stuff already. I’m not really sure why the teacher even has him on the carpet during phonics - he could be reading his own book or doing some other task. One of the most disruptive kids I work with is also one of the smartest - he doesn’t ever sit for counting, but he will very happily sit and do number bonds within 100 with me.

Anyway, I’d suggest asking the teacher to provide him some work at his level. My own DS was bored at nursery and acting up, everything got better when the staff agreed to do some structured work with him. (Actually your DS sounds a bit like
mine albeit mine hasn’t started school yet as we’re in Scotland. Also fascinated by space, fascinated by the death of planet Earth in the distant future, very interested in death and dying and a thousand other things besides. All totals age appropriate.)

Haven’t read all the comments but my thoughts on your OP…

If he already knows phonics - what are they doing to engage and interest him during carpet time? It’s mad to expect a 5yo to sit still and diligently pretend to learn things he already knows. Their brains are wired for challenge.

I don’t think the teacher knows what ‘disregulated’ means - he sounds bored not unable to managed his emotions…

fart / poo / wee jokes seems pretty unavoidable for this age. I vividly remember my son having two friends round that age and them lying in the garden shouting FARRTTTTTT as loudly as they could and crying with laughter.

re: running around in PE - again - bored

I would suggest teacher finds way to engage his energy + skills - can he be in charge of setting things up if he finishes a job first? Can she challenge him to do 100 star jumps in a row without stopping? Can she find some of those usborne explorer books about space / science + set him a challenge using the phonics sound of the day while the other children are learning.

can she have a folder or poster with some fun extras he is allowed to get if he finishes a task quickly? What is the usual protocol for stretching very able children in her classroom? What opportunities is she providing to help burn off energy / shake out fizzy legs before ‘carpet time’? What responsibilities can he be given to reward engaged behaviour?

it sounds to me like he spent the first term settling in and learning about the new school environment + now he needs more to keep him busy and engaged.

DS is very interested in learning everything, but he also gets bored if things are too easy. Hes a bit of a know it all too and loves debating stuff to death. Its exhausting. Im a teacher too and kids like him are not easy.

I have one of these kids (potentially, it's early but he only needs things explaining once, and is endlessly fascinated by death/disasters/the magnitude of space/zombies - that one's due to hallowe'en costumes). Mine remembers conversations from months ago word for word. Yours needs something else to do instead of phonics.

I was one of these kids too and they gave me some of the year 2 books and got me to read them then draw what happened or similar.

Sounds like my son.

I communicated with the teacher and she implemented a behavior chart. It helped a lot, because he had information to adjust his behavior accordingly.

I think there are signs of ADHD/ ASD (remember kids with these are bloomin clever) and they need to start by taking the lead on what to try to help him, working closely with you.

Oh and just to add the farting comment is typical of that age so I wouldn't read into or worry about that!

‘I don’t think the teacher knows what ‘disregulated’ means - he sounds bored not unable to managed his emotions’

absolutely this, another mental health related term that has become meaningless through inappropriate use!

he sounds bored and understimulated, ask the teacher what their plan is to keep him interested?

Balls to that - DS11 and DD9 still come into ours if they wake in the night and need reassurance. It's lovely.

He can read, that doesn't mean he understands phonics. He probably sight reads. Phonics are a useful tool for writing. Thought that should be mentioned.

Not necessarily. Some kids really are reading properly at this age. A lot of those kids are autistic.

@Redmat

He can also write and sounds out words to do so in a phonetically correct way.

Only child might make a difference in that you don't have a sibling to compare him to, so might not realise if he is particularly intense in certain areas. (I 100% had this with DS1).

Dysregulation comment is telling! Does this sound familiar? https://theotbutterfly.com/dysregulation/sensory-processing/

Not all dysregulation is sensory, but sensory input will commonly be one of the factors contributing to it.

Agree that it could be boredom or some kind of specific anxiety about a situation at school, if this behaviour is isolated to school and totally new. The above only really makes sense if there is a pattern of this kind of thing over time.

Sounds a lot like my little boy, who has ADHD... but its weird that this behaviour has only JUST started. ADHD symptoms wouldn't usually just spring out of nowhere unexpectedly. Unless he's always been a bit like that in school and they just haven't told you. I agree that it's possible that the work is too easy and he is bored.

First term is Reception a kick up the arse. They are suddenly in a routine, with uniforms, structure and rules. Then Christmas happens and routine goes out the window for 2 weeks. They get spoilt, eat too many sweets and have too much fun haha.
Then they come back to school and have forgotten it all! Give him until half term, he will be ok.

Would you describe his behaviour at school as quite fidgety,unable to sit still and maybe impulsive??

My DS was like that in reception but were told it maybe possibly adhd and we are waiting for nhs assessment.

However, it feels very borderline as It doesn't disrupt his own learning or development- just too distracting for the class.

He is doing "music breaks" at school, ie we gave the teacher a mini keyboard with headphones so if its too much he just does a 10 minute music break. Also has other kind of breaks where the teacher has several flashcards with activities on them that they can choose (ex. Hopping 10 times, etc). It worked getting him to calm down which is nice.

He is now in yr2 and his teacher says there wasn't any need for these breaks for him last term so it may be calm with age 🤷🏽‍♀️

Not saying your little one has adhd but these little things could help anyone i suppose!

@debbydowner
Yes, definitely impulsive and fidgety.
He’s also very silly with the other boys particularly and if it’s getting a laugh from others he will continue, I can imagine that’s what the farting scenario was about.

I agree.

DS2's class in reception was utter carnage - in a class of 20, they had 10 kids who were really badly behaved, the poor teacher (and two teaching assistants were pulling out their hair). In year 1 they had to ban school trips as they couldn't control a large proportion of the class.

A couple went on to be diagnosed with hyperactive type ADHD, but the other 8 were just super, super bright and bored. 7 of them are predicted straight 9's in their GCSEs. It got better when they went into prep in year 3 and the work was more differentiated.

What is he motivated by? What was the punishment last time for him running around, did he miss break time. Is it maybe just not the best fit school for him.

He sounds fabulous op 😊

My reception ds is very similar, although not as physically disruptive in school. He does fidget on the carpet /wanders sometimes apparently but is otherwise compliant, but does "let out his frustrations" to me after school (goes a bit bananas, tells me what was fun and what was boooooring). He can read without verbally blending etc although he doesn't sound as advanced there as your son, but his maths is a different world to the rest of the class. (He's taken to playing schools and tries to drill his friends on their times tables which is never gonna go down well 😆)
I've mentioned it to the teacher but because he isn't disruptive I don't think they get it. My older DC was similar in brightness but much easier going and happy to daydream the day away.

Anyway I distress, your boy sounds bored. And although reception kids who are academically advanced is minority thing (and it does even out a lot through the years) it's clearly not that uncommon either! i don't think it's unreasonable for schools to have ways of occupying these children either! Other posters have given good advice on ADHD concerns, and you are the best judge of that. Good luck op x

Have you heard of Dr Naomi Fisher? She does amazing podcasts and I follow her on FB.
Very supportive and informative and very child friendly.

@debbydowner thanks for the cards idea, I might try this for DS2. I can't figure out what to do with him at the moment when he is getting into one of these moods. I'm no good at heading it off and my efforts just seem to make it worse.

Again hes too young for it to be anything.. to be honest I think teachers may need to relax a bit with 5 year olds 😬

@underneaththeash

He's motivated by rewards mostly. But also anything to do with science/space at the moment as I said in my original OP.

They are given 5 minutes ‘thinking time’ when they aren’t well behaved or do something they shouldn’t. So no, he hasn’t missed playtime.

He likes to do ‘quizzes’ with us at home. He’ll ask us questions about space (current hyper focus!) and we have to answer then he’ll say if we are correct or not.

Another thing he’s been doing at school is making silly noises during phonics or carpet time. So again distracting others and if he gets a laugh from any of them he’ll continue doing it. He likes playing to an audience. He’s always loved attention from adults too.

Have you asked him what will help him settle? Sometimes they do give helpful information when asked.
My child is also an early reader and can be very energetic, we think there's possibly asd contributing, sensory things cause situations to escalate - is he wearing more layers in the colder weather? that's caused sensory stuff for ours which doesn't always manifest as complaining about them being uncomfortable but rather turns them into a pain in the butt.

Look at calming techniques for ASD / ADHD - they don't need to have those conditions for the techniques to help - things like liquid timers, fidget toys, now and next boards to help them feel in control and to give them something to focus on if things are getting overwhelming.

Fidgeting is not a bad thing, maybe he could have a silent fidget toy if he needs that extra movement. Obviously distracting others is an issue though.

If he's genuinely dysregulated he probably needs some time out of the classroom doing a calming or sensory activity but if he's more hyperactive/ bored then more physical activity and more appropriate work (ideally including his special interests) might help. Is it possible for you to fit in some physical activity before school? E.g. if you walk past a park. Also using his special interests could help his engagement/behaviour overall.

It does sound like an autism assessment might be worth considering too.