To be gutted my sis and her kids are moving abroad

[Outofideas79]

I am worried I sound like a brat but I'm so upset my sis is planning to move to Europe with her kids. My dc is close to hers and is an only child, so I've always pushed for them to be close, something we've been super successful with.

I obviously want her to be happy but I'm absolutely heartbroken. She lives not far from me. Money is very short for me so visiting will be a challenge even once a year. I want to support her, but at the same time I'm going to loose that relationship with her and her children, and my child will do too, as we won't just be able to pop across for sleepovers and meet up for days out. I'm so sad that we will loose all of that. Am I being a brat?

You'd be unreasonable to outwardly do anything other than support her in this move, but you're not unreasonable for privately feeling sad.

Ahh I would feel exactly the same - it will be a big change for you especially if you see each other lots.

I know you’ve said you will struggle to afford to visit her but has she said anything about coming back to the UK for visits ?

It’s probably far fetched but would you / could you move to Europe with her ?

I would feel the same OP as I find it very unsettling when friends/ family move away although I’m aware others take it more in their stride. Why are they moving & is it a long term move?

I was devastated when my sister moved away. Her dd and my dd were even in the same class at school. They were growing up so close.

now it’s 10 hours to get to them and we barely know her children.

there will be people saying that video chats and phone calls are enough to keep the bond, but it isn’t the same.

its ok to be upset. You can’t control her or her decisions. She gets to move. You have to keep your opinions on the matter to yourself. Then just do your best to maintain the new kind of relationship you will have going forward.

@Summerrabbit it's a permanent move.

@Chouquettes no it wouldn't be possible at all due to my family set up.

Yanbu to miss her... but you need to support her. She surely has her reasons.

FWIW... despite living abroad for four years, my DDs have a really close relationship with their cousin. We came back to the UK a couple of times a year, including a month in the summer, and PILs brought cousin to sed us. Plus its even easier now with more Internet calling platforms!

@Spinning101 they plan to be back perhaps once per year.

It would be unreasonable to try to dissuade her, but it's fine to show at least some of how you feel. Why not? She'll know anyway that it will have a big impact on you and your DD. It would be weird to pretend to be completely fine and blasé.

I'd be gutted too, but wouldn't try to stop her. Are you in the UK? Which country are they moving to and why?

Aah that’s hard OP ,not sure what to say but am going through the same with my son. He is working in Vancouver,so far away but glad he is happy. Lots of FaceTime and WattsApp is the way forward.💐

@auntyElle I would never try to stop her of course. But there isn't any point I'm pretending I'm not very sad.

I'd be honest and tell her you're incredibly sad she's made this decision, especially as it's a permanent one.

It doesn't mean she will do anything about it, or that she should do, but it's certainly not bratty to refuse to pretend to be happy with a decision that removes your/your DD close family and negatively impacts your life.

It is entirely her choice to go and you can't change that. However, there are repercussions to her decision one being that she's hurting the people being left behind because she has chosen x/y/z above a life involving them. There is not reason to mollycoddle her from that impact.

She's not unreasonable in wanting to move but neither are you in being devastated by her leaving. Sorry OP, it must be really hard.

You’re not being a brat. That’s a big change and I think anyone would feel sad.

If it helps, my DB and I haven’t lived in the same country for any of our adult life. We are very close and manage to get our DC to have a good relationship through holidays, video calls etc. Though I appreciate that’s not the same as popping over for sleepovers, I hope it helps to reassure a bit.

When I was around 11/12, my sister told me she was moving to Nigeria a few months after she got married. I remember being so upset, I left the room and just cried. I couldn’t imagine being an adult and having kids that were close with her kids.

It’s really tough when people move away. It almost feels like ‘well how can you do this to me’ even though it isn’t about you! You’re definitely not being a brat in feeling upset. I’d be really sad too

This works both ways surely.
Has she even said she will miss you.
Can understand the sadness but you'll be OK, lots of families are doing it all the time. It's easier to stay in touch these days as well.

I'd be absolutely gutted if my sister did that. But I wouldn't tell her that!

Yanbu to be sad about the change, but you know. Uk is in Europe, she will be in Europe, flights can be ridiculously cheap so more visits can be doable.

Obviously yabu if you tried to change her mind, which you are not by the sound of it. You will all get used to it. Relationships van still be kept at good levels even over diatance nowadays.

You can tell her you will really miss her and her kids. I don’t think that’s being unfair. Europe isn’t that far. I’m not sure where she’s going and understand money is tight but if you book in advance with the low cost lines you can get returns to lots of places for around 50 pounds. The trick is to take only hand luggage , but you can wash stuff at hers and keep toiletries there etc.It might mean lots of nice cheap holidays in the future for you and your child .

@Chouquettes the only time we'd be able to go out is Easter holidays or Summer. Having looked through the flights, they won't be hugely cheap during those times. Certainly more than I've ever spent on any holiday.

Depending on location and job situation, driving or long distance coaches can be cheaper. We always drove our kids

Err brexit?

Yes Brexit :( But not everyone is affected. Some have European passports through parents for example.

Err the sister is doing it so... Obviously not impossible!