Is it all or nothing, quitting booze

[Sosobercurious]

Recently been reading some sober literature recommended on here, and the way Clare Pooley describes things really resonated. She details how she basically couldn't bear her children when she was drinking (!), and then how one of them said she was "more mummyish" since stopping. She probably drank twice as much in a day and more often than me. And I haven't yet put it in a mug at 11am.

i have massively noticed this recently. I don't think I'm a problem drinker addiction wise (definitely my university - 30s consumption and behaviour was quite shocking in retrospect) but DH and I have definitely slipped into enjoying A bottle of red often in the evenings at home, and often more in total if it's the weekend or social. I used to be able to have a few glasses but these days it really disrupts my sleep, makes me grumpy and yes in summary makes me way less mummyish! I have done dry Jan for the first time this year and noticed a massive difference already in sleep and mood and in particular in my enjoyment of the company of small children, which is great. I do love a social wine though and whilst I'm happy to give up the mindless home sofa consumption, I'd like to keep that in my life.

so my question is... is moderation possible if you're definitely a few rungs down the addiction scale than the writers of these books? Or will I just creep back up as they say they would have.

And, do you get the amazing benefits they speak of from quitting completely if you only nearly quit? My social life isn't that active so I think I could easily get down to once/twice a month with friends, but is it better to bite the bullet and quit?

I'd agree that with full on addiction moderation isn't possible. It's those of us "in the middle" where sometimes you can maintain control and have the one glass, other times the one glass does lead to more.

I do think the more you drink regularly the one glass is less likely whereas periods of abstinence (Not sure what they are or how long they would be for me ) followed by a drink makes it far easier to keep to the one glass.

Off for my daily weigh-in. Though think I have replaced alcohol with cake !

I don’t think it’s all or nothing. I realised wine was making me feel awful, even one glass. Switched to cider, gin and tonic, and organic wine seems to be fine (experiments ongoing 😂). Look at swapping from wine as your regular drink- it’s strong, and full of sulphites.

I was a heavy drinker from uni to late twenties, mainly socially but I was out a lot and didn't have much of an off switch . I rarely drink now and it's not a problem when I do to stop after one or two. I don't drink at home unless we have people for dinner (adult friends not family for a Sunday roast). I do sometimes have a glass of wine if I'm out for dinner, drank over Christmas, but didn't start with the excuse in November and start adding Bailey's to my coffee. Going on a hen soon and will likely drink while I'm there and will probably have a couple at the wedding. I can also go weeks/months without touching a drop without any real intent or because it's a certain month. So yes I think changes in drinking habits are perfectly possible. If you're able to do dry January with no issue there's no deep rooted addiction. For those with alcohol dependence it's of course different.

If you easily did Dry Jan then moderation sounds achievable

Can you set your new rules for drinking and write them down.

Then set a diary reminder every month (?) to check in against those rules to make sure it's not slipping?

It is a very personal thing OP, and only you can decide whether to moderate or abstain.

I decided to give up for just one month. I followed Annie Grace and signed up to her free 30 day online course 'This Naked Mind'. I also read the Allen Carr book 'The Easy Way To Control Alcohol' (the original book, not the one specifically for women).

Even before the 30 days were done, I realised that moderation was not the answer for me, and have not drunk alcohol for over four years now.

This is where I am now. I'm two-thirds of the way through reading This Naked Mind and I am excited to embrace being sober. I only wish I'd read it sooner.

Stay focused and you have this @BoozeFreeMe .
Not wishing to hijack the thread, but freeing up the headspace and constant inner dialogue around alcohol is the best feeling 😊.

MrsSkylerWhite · Yesterday 11:02

Entirely depends on you. It’s all or nothing for me. Can stop completely with problems. Having “just one” I find so much harder.

Probably very bad form to quote oneself 🥴

I meant to type stop completely without problems!

I think it's 'all or nothing' if you're an alcoholic. If you're not, then it doesn't have to be 'all or nothing'. An alcoholic and a heavy drinker aren't the same thing. Some people absolutely will be both, but plenty aren't.

In my early 20s I was, at one point, drinking almost every day and probably putting away 50 units a week. I cut down to about eight units a week and didn't have any problem doing that at all. I didn't miss my old drinking habits at all; it was just something I decided to stop doing because it was expensive and fattening. At no point was I ever desperate for a drink, when when I was having my two or three drinks on a Friday/Saturday after I'd cut down, at no point did it make me want to carry on drinking at other times. I've basically been a pretty moderate drinker since then - I enjoy a drink with friends or with a meal in a restaurant, but it's not often that I drink at home and I don't feel like I need a glass of wine just because DP's having one.

I stopped drinking about 20 years back. I never drank much, but increasingly started to feel slightly poisoned/unwell after even a single glass of wine.

It is sometimes makes social events where everyone else is drinking rather hard work. It probably affects my friendships, because I don't want to spend evenings at events which are based around booze.

But my health and fitness is very good compared to that of many people of my own age.

I also feel I do more - have a more interesting life - because I'm more alert, rather than spending lots of evenings feeling slightly out of it.

You can record alcohol on Dry January app, to keep track of what you drink. (I'm assuming this works beyond January?)

I personally couldn't just have one glass of wine. I'm in awe of people who just have a glass with dinner and then put the cork back in or put it back in the fridge. I'm afraid I carry on until I've had enough/it's time for bed/I fall asleep. Shocking, really.

Thanks for the recommendations of Naked Mind. I am going to read that next! Quit Lit = new addiction it would seem.

I like alcohol.

I think the thing is to be mindful of it. Not so much it disrupts your enjoyment of it, but it pays to think every now and then whether you are drinking too much.

I cut down my units by 50% by moving onto lower alcohol beer. I like it as much as the higher % stuff so no issues.

I do at least 2x dry months per year. Dry january is almost over. I miss the odd beer when watching TV, but otherwise it has been no problem. Don't really feel much different after a month. Probably because I drink Bud Light most of the time anyway. I would like to get into drinking wine but dislike having to polish off an entire bottle in one go. It never tastes the same the day after.

If you have to work at moderating, it’s probably time to quit.

The early days are hard, but it quite quickly becomes much more mentally relaxing to say ‘I don’t drink’ than being in a constant battle to moderate and control your drinking.

I noticed a few years back, I was drinking more in the evenings and certainly those early covid days when we started wfh I was starting to have a glass of wine the second the computer went off.

So July 2020 I cut it put entirely until Nov 2020 and now I only drink on weekends, no more than one bottle of wine and actually not even every weekend anymore.

I love a glass of wine, but it's no longer a coping mechanism. It's an enjoyable drink...that's it. I can take it, or leave it.

If you're able to do dry January with no issue there's no deep rooted addiction. For those with alcohol dependence it's of course different.

You have a very limited idea of what addiction is. I was able to give up smoking for a month (after 15 years of a 30 a day habit) without a bother on me. But then I started again and it took me another 30 years before I was able to give up again.

I would caution against reading it if you hope to keep drinking moderately. The author is pretty unambiguous in explaining why it doesn't work.

Yeah no one ever died clucking for a cig though.

I think what the poster meant was that if you didn't physically suffer in that month then that's a good sign, and it is. If OP was physically dependent she'd not have found it to be no bother

I spent years trying to moderate. I can't. I wasted so much mental energy trying and trying and bargaining and counting units. Nope. Can't do it.

Bottom line is, if you struggle with only having one, have none.

Honestly it's a lot easier and frankly a bloody relief.

I’m an alcoholic (my drinking was similar to Clare Pooley’s and her book helped me quit) and so had to give up completely. Over 4 years without drinking and I know I will never drink again.

My view is if you have to make up rules for your drinking you have a drinking problem and should probably just quit completely. If you can just have the odd drink when you feel like it and maybe a few more on social occasions then there’s no need to completely abstain.

I 'stopped' drinking during lockdown, more out of curiosity as everyone else seemed to be getting smashed for breakfast 😄

Could probably count on both hands the alcoholic drinks I've had since. Had 3 whole glasses on Christmas Day last year and that's the most I've had in one session. Had a bottle of lager after a gig last year and the odd drink here and there on social occasions.

Bought 0% stuff for New Year and was impressed by it, all of the taste with none of the side effects. Why not try and extend Dry Jan and just see how you go? Would certainly try the 0% option if you are doing the social thing, or even a mix?

@Freda999 0% wine? I know the beer is ok but I don't drink much beer.

thinking of experimenting with less strong spirits, can imagine an aperol and tonic being quite nice and not very strong given the base is only 13 or something (as opposed to x3 that for gin)

I've moderated for the past couple of years following a decision to get fitter and was drinking too much. Joining a nice gym with evening classes means I'm occupied and enjoying rediscovering my waistline has given me the incentive. I only have a couple of glasses at weekends but really enjoy them and don't want to completely quit.
Adrian Chiles book is an interesting read: The Good Drinker: How I Learned to Love Drinking Less amzn.eu/d/0oxGhQc
It certainly can be done but depends on your relationship with alcohol I suppose.