Can’t stop meddling

[Zok]

Hi I’m after some advice
dh gets easily annoyed with me

I’m supposed to be resting after the birth 3 weeks ago but I find myself ringing him in morning to wake him up (he’s on sofa ) to take other dc to schools he doesn’t hear his alarm

then I come down and find he’s made dc packed lunch with mouldy bread he didn’t notice but is annoyed I pointed it out

I have to tell him to wash fruits for at least 10 sec to remove pesticides as the pressure of our kitchen tap isn’t the best as he likes to take shortcuts (laziness)

forgets to turn dishwasher on unless I remind him
doesnt take laundry down unless I tell him (even during paternity leave )
he says to stop giving him “tasks”

well all the chores are written on the fridge and he doesn’t check it

he says things like OKAYA in a sarcastic voice
he put my glass jug very close to the edge of the counter and I told him to move it back he said he was “holding it” I said if it breaks he will buy me a new one £80 water filter jug and he said no .

i don’t have my teaching income now as I’m supply teacher don’t get maternity pay but I have an online business and some disability benefits for a health condition
he still wants me to contribute to the house bills but I don’t want to

after all the stuff my body has been through I expect him to say “don’t worry about the bills “.
he said if I was a loving wife who liked him he probably would pay it all

but he thinks splitting it is best as we might separate and he wants to save his money
I have told him many times I don’t like him /smell/breath and I don’t enjoy intimacy (have Aspergers and don’t like the sensory issues)
Middle Eastern background where most Arab men are happy to provide even if the wife earns but he doesn’t. He says if I insist on man pays all he can tell me to stop working and I’d have to “obey”

WTF leave him.

And yet you had more children with him. Why?

Is this real? You sound like you hate eachother?

And you got pregnant by him, why? I mean, I can't imagine all this dickish behaviour only reared it's head after the baby is born.

Too late now though, leave him. He won't change.

Why an earth did you bring another child into a marriage where you both hate each other? That was an terrible idea.

You both sound as bad as each other. He's lazy and you seem to want to be provided for, neither of you actually like each other?

You really need some intervention.
This is really not a normal or healthy way to live and raise children.

Your poor dc. What kind of role models do you think you are for them?

What is going on here?
He's a lazy arse but you both sound like you want out of this relationship.
If you don't want to separate then you both need to get some relationship counselling

Is sounds like you are micro managing his every move. That's going to get under anyone's skin but the wider issue is you just don't like eachother anyway. That's your real problem here. Are you going to spend the rest of your life with someone you don't like? How many more pregnancies are you going to have with someone you don't like being intimate with? What's to save here?

It sounds like a terrible marriage tbh. He doesn’t want to pull his weight at home, you micro manage his every move, you are physically repulsed by him and you want him to support you. Honestly it doesn’t sound as if there’s much to save here but if you want to try you need some counselling.

What an awful way to spend your life (for you both and the kids). You hate each other, you can't physically stand him -it just seems utterly pointless to even try saving this marriage. You both sound like you enjoy winding each other up.

Poor poor child being brought into this.

He needs to get his act together with chores, but you need to stop acting like a precious diva. He sounds a bit useless, which can be improved on, but you just sound nasty for the sake of it.

Is he 15?

Did you ever like him?

In the beginning we were introduced by relatives sort of arranged marriage and agreed to be engaged 2 days later

I guess I found his features rare for a Middle Eastern person and he had qualities like tall height

he was nice and tidy at the beginning but I was rarely tidying and maybe him seeing me not caring about chores turned his attitude around
we also have a lot of clutter and toys and that puts anyone off yes

but basic things like crumbs on floor/dishwasher should be daily

also we recently got a robot vacuum but for it to work all clutter needs to be out the way
I kind of regret getting that he made me pay half of it

but when I replaced draughty windows he said that’s my “obsession” and didn’t want to split cost

I hate nagging it’s mentally exhausting

What is a precious diva ?

hes just not consistent
some days he remembers some chores other days not

I’ve tried to not tell him things but then come down in morning to find no clean cereal bowls for example

Totally agree. This doesn't sound great. You're angry at him because he can't do 'your' job (childcare/housework) as well as you, whilst he's stepping in, however you dont wan't do any of 'his' job (financial provider).
You've chosen to have further children with this man so presumably your life together generally works. With a newborn and reduced income there's bound to be so.e pressure. I'm surprised though you didn't discuss finances before now. In my world the general rule is that each partner has a simar about of me time and me money. Sometimes that equates to not much at all. He does have a point tho saying that you don't get to pick and choose which part of your culture/beliefs you focus on.

This is a completely toxic relationship. You shouldn't be with each other.

some disability benefits for a health condition
I’m not seeing the issue with this. Maybe because DH does pay his disability benefit towards bills, it wouldn’t occur to him to just keep it himself.

You seem very critical of him. I can’t imagine being with someone who endlessly criticised everything I did or didn’t do, and telling him repeatedly you don’t like his smell, breath or him! How on earth did you get pregnant if you don’t like him near you?
Anyhow, this sounds like an awful marriage …if this is real.

Stop having children with someone you don’t even like. That’s the best advice I can give you.

I have no idea where to even begin with this.

Split up; you're not a good match would be where I would end it though.

I took anti depressants last year and they make me tolerate things more

due to my autism /bpd/ocd I have unrealistic standards

he always has an excuse for why he didn’t load the dish washer usually he’s “tired “

he sleeps 7-8 h continuous and I’m up every 2 hours with the baby I can’t even manage a nappy change at night and have migraines during day . I’ve tried to nap during day but brain can’t relax

Did you post before and you were told to divorce?
You are incessantly nit picking,tbf you both sound horrible.

You both sound awful to be honest.

Bit he is right that you should split up - what a toxic environment for children