To try Ferber method?

[ChamomileHoneyTea]

LO is 7.5 months now and I am on my knees with sleep deprivation. We co-slept until he was 7 months at which point I couldn’t deal with it. For the last 3 weeks I’ve been doing gradual retreat to coincide with moving him into his own room. We had one good night where he almost slept through about a week ago but since then nothing. He falls asleep independently for naps and at bedtime but still wakes constantly in the night, usually 4-6 times a night, and is hard to settle. Aibu to abandon this gentle method and try Ferber?

Plus, a lot of the time they end up awake a lot at night at this age with teething etc so you just have to re traumatise them again and again with Ferber. I've known babies who get terrified of their cot with this method. It's horrible. Just carry on with your gradual retreat method

It would be hard to find any more qualified on the subject of infant and child sleep than Ferber:
-Harvard Medical School
-Decades of experience as a paediatrician
-Founder and Director of the Center for Paediatric Sleep Disorders at Children’s Hospital Boston
-Served on the board of the American Board of Sleep Medicine and the American Academy of Sleep Medicine
-Held positions on multiple academic journals
-Corresponding member of the Faculty of Neurology at Boston’s Childrens

No one should feel guilty about trying his methods. Of course if it isn’t the right method for you and your baby that’s also fine! Sleep training is so personal. But I would ignore anyone saying Ferber is harmful, it isn’t. Really it just comes down to personal choice and what feels right for you.

He's not a psychologist, though, is he? He doesn't give a shit if you give your child attachment issues.

I'd be keeping him in your room. A year is actually the recommendation with six months the bare minimum. That way you can sssh, pat from your bed till he gets used to sleeping in cot. I think you're trying too much going from going sleeping to sleeping in his own room.

Ok, so what is your opinion of the father of attachment theory, Bowlby?

Do you think his work includes detailed understanding of child health and development outside of the realms of psychology? Do you uncritically accept the entirety of his THEORY, written decades ago, as gospel? Do you know what methods he used, their modern relevance? Do you know anything about the modern understanding of genetic patterns of attachment?

Or are you just effectively saying, "attachment issues, innit", uncritically, without knowledge of both sides?

There is only so much we know about ANY aspect of child development, and their interlinked effects on the end result. The idea that one theorist nailed it 100% decades ago is frankly a bit silly.

We know that children with certain numbers of Adverse Childhood Experiences (which can include divorce, financial hardship, discipline etc) are more likely to suffer psychological issues, end up in prison, have physical health issues etc.

What we also know is that children with only a couple of ACEs, but who grow up in loving and secure homes, do not share these likelihoods.

Do we know exactly how to raise a perfectly adjusted adult who behaves perfectly in all circumstances and is always happy? No. There's huge amounts we don't know. Some people like to think they do know because it makes them feel better about their choices.

I posted on this thread ages ago and would love to update.

My DS was waking every 45 minutes day and night from birth until 6+ months old. It was hell. I was an exhausted, hormonal mess and suffered with PND. DS was no better and was screaming during his waking hours. Every time he woke up, he would only go back to sleep by being breastfeed (with me sitting up). My husband couldn't get him to sleep with a bottle. I had put it down to colic and did everything I could to help him. I cuddled him, co-slept, and showed him so much affection, but none of it worked.

At the end of my tether, I tried Ferber. The first night, my husband literally held me down while I waited for the timer on my phone to beep (three minutes , then five, then seven, then ten) so that I could go reassure DS that I was coming back and that he was safe to sleep. Within a week, DS slept through from 7:30pm until 6am.

The thing is, it wasn't just DS's sleep that improved. During the day, his 'colic' lessened significantly. He started smiling and giggling all the time, and he started hitting milestones much faster. He suddenly had the energy to try crawling, and wound up speaking very early at 10 months. I also started truly enjoying being a mother and my PND took a turn for the better. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

DS is now a clever, happy, energetic 4.5-year-old and has a very secure attachment to both me and his father. He still sleeps through and the only times he wakes during the night is when he is ill, at which point I co-sleep with him.

The Ferber Method saved my family and I am so glad I ignored the posters on Mumsnet who told me that I was abusing my baby for teaching him to sleep.

I would also like to say that I never used Ferber with DS2 because he only ever woke from teething or illness, and it was unnecessary. Some children just "get" how to sleep and don't need help.

Good luck to all of you mums with babies who struggle!