To expect my children to eat real food?

[chickpea1982]

How do I get my kids to eat real food?!

I have 3 DCs - a 7 year old, a 6 year old and a baby just a few months old. Leaving the baby aside, my kids just want to eat pizza, burgers, sausages and chips. They will eat vegetables if forced, and will voluntarily eat fruit most days, but often (mostly) turn their noses up at "home cooked meals" e.g. spaghetti bolognaise, chilli, curry, stew, shepherd's pie - nothing very exotic! They absolutely refuse to eat anything more adventurous - things like chinese food are rejected outright. . They obviously get enough to survive, and I consider myself quite fortunate when I speak to mums with kids who refuse to eat anything but cheese strings and white bread, but I know it's not good for them to eat so much processed meat, and they need more vegetables for their health. I also want them to like home cooked food. I worry that when they get older they will think that food = burgers and chips, and they won't feel the need to learn to cook or eat well.

What makes it even more maddening, is that sometimes one child will like something I make, but the other will hate it. What should I do in this situation? Should I force the reluctant child to eat the food?

Any tips on how I can encourage them to eat "real" food?

They don't sound that fussy to me, so I would start by not massively stressing. They eat fruit, so that's good.

As someone traumatised from boarding school meals and policies in the 80s (clean the plate even if you hate an ingredient) and who ate almost nothing through her teens and now eats absolutely anything: please don't let mealtimes be stressful.

We started to make meals where they could opt in/out of certain ingredients without it being a big deal. They were super fussy at 8/9/10 but now as teens they are pretty easy and will try anything. Though kids seem to love to default to fast food.

Taco night - tacos/beef/salad/cheese/lettuce/tomatoes
Indian night - mildest chicken korma in the world/rice with veg chopped reallllly small/pita bread
Fajitas - wraps/chicken/peppers/onions/tomato salsa/guac/homemade spice mix - they can pick the bits they want to try.
Chicken wings in various (mild to start) marinades.
Homemade burgers with different spice mixes/sauces/fried onions/salad.

Relent 2/3 nights a week and do pasta/pizza/sausage and mash/whatever they like.

Slowly slowly....Good luck.

My DS would starve himself before he would eat something he doesn’t like, the not offering anything else tactic just doesn’t work for him. I always serve at least part of a meal I know he likes - familiar veggies or a side dish. If the food is new to him or something he’s refused before there will be a fairly boring alternative - scrambled eggs, porridge with fruit etc.

Breakfast and lunch are healthy, fruit, yoghurt (plain before the sugar police have an aneurysm), porridge, and lunch includes veg sticks, protein etc so if he misses one evening meal it’s not the end of the world nutritionally.

There’s usually one “fish finger” type meal a week because I work, kids have activities etc and I’m not cooking from scratch every night. He and his sister take turns in choosing the “beige dinner”, so they know there will be a time they can choose a more junk food type meal.

I think measure and balance are the key.

I wouldn't say they are good enough to make a fight over!

We do Gousto meals. The kids help choose the meals and then I expect them to try everything.

If they genuinely don't like it they can have wholemeal bread and butter and some salad and fruit.

Pizza is usually home made.

I don't buy much processed food other than cheese, ham etc...

Have they ever eaten proper food? When they were babies were they weaned on home made food or jars? I would imagine a child always fed on a processed diet will find it harder to move onto a home cooked diet but it isn't impossible.
My eldest has autism. At one point he would pretty much just eat one brand of pasts with one brand of grated cheddar cheese. Fortunately he also ate loads of salad.
Anyhow to introduce him to new foods I would put just one teaspoon of a new food on his plate. For the first few times I would just put it there. Then I would ask him to take a tiny taste. If he did. Lots of praise. But never ask him to eat a second bite. He needed to trust me. The next time eat the whole teaspoon full etc. It takes about 20 times to fully introduce and like a new food apparently. It took a while. But he has gone on to be a chef in a Michelin restaurant so he had learnt to eat foods I would never have dreamed of when he was small.

I brought both my kids up to eat what's on offer and if it gets flung or whatever that's that .

My son has special needs and he used to fling his dinner a lot . That was that and he soon learnt .

They both eat anything and everything

Maybe I was lucky but I think it starts at weaning and what you give them trains their palette and how you react to rejected food makes a difference

No doubt I'll be told I'm wrong

They don't sound absurdly fussy, but expanding the range of things they will eat is definitely worthwhile. Meeting them halfway might help. E.g. if they like sausages, would they eat some sort of sausage casserole? I make that a lot for DD - she loves it and it means she gets plenty of veg at the same time.

My sons were allowed some dislikes, I hate gravy and custard, it’s the corn flour , tho ok with casseroles and sauces.
As a young child, my mother made some compromises, tho I hated fatty cold meat and bubble and sqeak!
There is such a thing as afrid food avoidance due to textures, and the like, yes it’s real.
Try and eat together, less mixed up foods,kids learn by example.
i don’t believe in bullying eat or else

I have fussy eaters and I’ve found it best to serve dinner family style from serving dishes. With decent amount of veg choice. Everyone needs at least two veg. I often do a plain version. So a chicken curry plus plain chicken, rice, veggies. Spaghetti plus meatballs plus sauce in a jug rather than all mixed.

Gradually change things

Chose their favourite meals and make healthier / home cooked versions
Add an extra thing for them to try
Have a tick chart of 10 new foods for them to try that they choose and they can play this together
Get them involved in cooking
Explain to them why you are making changes

Cook the same for everyone. Simple, nutritious and home cooked.
Hunger is the best sauce. They’ll soon try the food and eat it if that’s all you’re giving to them.

If you make home made burgers and homemade (par boiled and then baked) chips, it is literally the same ingredients as shepherd's pie.

@PopcornBandit I for one found that link incredibly helpful - thank you!
OP, one thing my newly fussy 4yo sometimes responds quite well to is if we talk about what jobs different foods do in his body. 'Kids Eat in Color' on SM is a good resource for this and has examples for different ages. So we talk about how e.g. salmon helps his brain to work well, or peas keep his poo soft so it doesn't hurt when it comes out, or bell peppers help his body to heal when it's not well. All foods do some kind of job in the body, but some only do one job (like chocolate, which just gives you a quick, short burst of energy) and some do lots of jobs (like chickpeas, which give him a long, steady dose of energy, AND help keep his poo soft - he's very interested in the impact of different foods on his poo 🫣😅) or particularly special jobs (like oats, which help keep his blood healthy).

For me spice is such a key ingredient in many global cuisines it’s just good for them to have a tolerance. It makes holidays and general travel much easier.

Get rid of all the crap from the house. If it’s not there you can’t serve it.
Get them involved in meal planning but healthy options only, no junk, and no alternatives.

My oldest has a cousin, same age, who was an exceptionally picky eater as toddler. I’d watch quite (secretly) smugly as mine tucked into korma, tagines, pretty much any meal I’d put in front of him. I remember saying privately to my mum ‘honestly, she’s just too indulged… give me that child for 3 months and I’ll have her eating everything’.

The universe heard me, said ‘hold my beer’ and then sent me my second born.

Wiped the smugness right off my face. I remember crying when he ate and liked broccoli aged 3.

Never again will I ever assume that it is the parenting at fault.

FWIW youngest is now 8 and still a relative narrow spectrum of foods. But we do make home made most things incl pizza dough, burgers, chicken burgers (blitze the chicken in foodprocessor with garlic, sautéed spring onions, pinch of salt, pepper, little smoked paprika and an egg), pasta sauce etc. We cheat with sausages and fish fingers as our protein on particularly busy days though.

Preferring plain is not a failure. It’s just a matter of taste.

The Air fryer is a bloody genius introduction in my house. WRT children it revolutionised my ability to make quick, less processed home made alternatives to shop bought beige.

Also my 12 year old very adventurous eater had a couple of years, maybe aged 8-10, of being more picky, bland, craving the beige. Was relatively short lived and defo a phase…

So I do think kids go through phases.

This. My 11 year old will eat whatever is put in front of her and is willing to try most things has done from a young age.

Try things differently too

So to me
Kale - ew
Kale roasted in the oven then with peri peri salt on top - give me the whole bag!

Like roasted peppers are different from raw ones, that kind of thing
Dips usually interest them enough so you could try flavours that way. Apple is good dipped into a mix of Greek yog/peanut butter/honey

As long as there's something safe they can eat that you serve at the same time

I have got a good eater but I recognise that is mostly by chance and not design. As a family we like to eat proper food but when we have friends round who prefer beige food we'll plonk stuff in the middle so everyone can take what they like. So:
Plain pasta (check the shape first)
Bolognaise (with all the veg minced up so no scary lumps)
Cheese
Garlic bread
Salad (leaves and maybe something like grated carrot)

The fact you can try on your own terms seems to encourage them to try as does a little plate for anything they don't like to take food off the main plate.

Wraps (Mexican or Greek) have also had great success in getting picky eaters to try new food.

My kid likes to take a bougie lunch in to school (charcuterie and bruschetta) or homemade sushi and is very encouraging of his friends who are interested. He always gets invited out as a plus one when his friends go to a restaurant for family meals as he often gets them to try new things and deflects any older relatives comments about kids these days being spoilt.

When I was growing up my mum always gave us two choices for dinner - what we were given or nothing.
Grow a backbone and take charge, you run this not them

Make changes gradually but prioritise phasing out known unhealthy foods such as processed meats. Phase in more veg. Definitely involve them in prep where you can.

I meal plan, and my boys (6&4) are allowed one choice each. (Sometimes tacos or lasagne, sometimes it's super noodles or eggs on toast!) but it makes them feel involved! On their nights, they'll also help me prepare it too.
The rest of the time I choose, I do the cooking and there is no alternative but there's always something on their plates that they like (sweetcorn, plain chicken, cheese if I do fajitas for example). I let them serve themselves, but whatever they put on their plates they have to eat, we don't waste food because it's bad for the environment! And they must at least try (a spoonful or two) something new once a week. X

I was a very fussy eater growing up and this was in the 60s when you ate what you got. My dm was a great cook and looking back l feel l got attention from fussing over food the middle of a large family.
When l had my own dc l decided never to discuss what we were having, never really talk about the food just put it down with absolutely no fuss. We talked about everything else at dinner...we all ate together at every dinner ..and just cleaned up with no comment. Mine would have eaten stones. They never complained. There was one or two things they didn't like especially tomatoes so l dropped these with out saying anything more. When we went on holidays they loved trying new foods and were far more adventurous than us.
My advice to young mom's is: stop talking about food. Make it no big deal so they are eating without realising it. I might sound weird but l think there is too much discussion about food. Put the attention on other things.
Obviously if a child has Autism they will have sensory issues but in the main just pop it out.

When I was growing up we didn't get a choice of an alternative and we ate together. I think eating together makes a big difference.
The more alternatives you offer, the fussier they'll be.