To expect my children to eat real food?

[chickpea1982]

How do I get my kids to eat real food?!

I have 3 DCs - a 7 year old, a 6 year old and a baby just a few months old. Leaving the baby aside, my kids just want to eat pizza, burgers, sausages and chips. They will eat vegetables if forced, and will voluntarily eat fruit most days, but often (mostly) turn their noses up at "home cooked meals" e.g. spaghetti bolognaise, chilli, curry, stew, shepherd's pie - nothing very exotic! They absolutely refuse to eat anything more adventurous - things like chinese food are rejected outright. . They obviously get enough to survive, and I consider myself quite fortunate when I speak to mums with kids who refuse to eat anything but cheese strings and white bread, but I know it's not good for them to eat so much processed meat, and they need more vegetables for their health. I also want them to like home cooked food. I worry that when they get older they will think that food = burgers and chips, and they won't feel the need to learn to cook or eat well.

What makes it even more maddening, is that sometimes one child will like something I make, but the other will hate it. What should I do in this situation? Should I force the reluctant child to eat the food?

Any tips on how I can encourage them to eat "real" food?

I know it's not easy to change habits that children have become used to but please stop feeding them processed food. It's addictive, full of salt & sugar and very bad for their health. Stop buying it completely. They'll gradually start eating what you serve if there's no alternative. Of course there will be tears and tantrums, which will be exhausting but if you do it now, you'll be so glad you went through the hell as you see them thriving on unprocessed, healthy food. Good luck!

I am all for the 'one meal, take it or leave it' approach but honestly is not that easy when you have a child so food averse that would rather starve themselves than eat something they think they don't like but won't even contemplate trying and be concerned about their stunted growth. One thing that works to some extent is to give most of the same ingredients of the meal but separately. We have been struggling for over 5 years and try to alternate meals they like with others they don't and always serve and encourage trying and praise if they do but have to admit that we do sometimes end up giving alternatives such as left overs from a meal they liked or a scrambled egg to make sure they get something nutritious.

Thank you all for your brilliant advice, I really appreciate it.

@Higgeldypiggeldy35 I've also recently read Ultra-Processed People and it made a big impact on me. Even before reading it I wouldn't voluntarily eat highly processed things like chicken dippers, and would only occasionally eat things like ready meals and fast food, but the way things are going I feel like that's all my kids want to eat, and I have to put a stop to it!

I love the idea of cooking with them and involving them in meal choices. It will take a bit of planning, but nothing I can't manage with a bit of effort. I also take in the point made by several above that if they are only given one choice, that's what they will have to eat. I have vivid memories of this as a child. If I didn't eat my dinner, then it would go in the fridge for me to eat the next day - no excuses. I didn't like it, but then again I also learnt to eat what I was given. I shudder at the thought of the whining that will ensue in my house...

Does anyone have any tips for introducing new flavours like chinese or mexican type food, curries, or even things like lemon (not a flavour they like at the moment)?

I don't agree with the "if you don't like what's on offer you don't eat" thing. As an adult there are foods I don't like and I wouldn't and shouldn't be forced to eat them. Children deserve the same courtesy. Almost everybody has foods they don't like. You do however need to draw the distinction between "not my favourite food" and "a food I genuinely dislike". My kids know that whilst I will never make them eat things they really don't like, I do expect them to try something properly before declaring they don't like it and that every meal isn't going to be their favourite dish. They are adventurous eaters and I know that if they say "mum, I don't like this" it will be the truth. It will probably take some perseverance on your part to get to this point but I'm confident you can do it.

As for the processed foods, they can only eat them if you buy them. You're in sole charge of their diet at that age. If they like chips, I'd start by making your own skin-on chips. If they like pizzas, start by making your own including homemade unprocessed sauce. You can build on it. Initially you just need to find a few things that they'll eat. Definitely get them involved in prep and cooking too. Mine are always so proud to have made a dish.

@chickpea1982 my daughter starting liking flavours through eating peri peri chicken at school.
At home she had only had the typical roast chicken. Do they eat chicken? - this could be a way of introducing flavour.

@Combusting OP is asking for advice, and mine is to engage with professional resources. Feeding is a complex issue; I am a registered dietitian, SOS-trained feeding therapist and university lecturer. It’s difficult for parents to get support sometimes, and advice in forums can be counterproductive in this situation - I say this as a professional who has seen parents struggle. I am not criticizing OP or anyone who is giving/looking for support.

One assumes OP is not going to feed her children food they dont like!

Or make homemade burgers with different flavours in (spices or veggies).
Do they like fishcakes? They might eat thai style ones (which I will be honest I am not sure what's in them - I'm a whitefish gal).

What worked for us, that if they weren’t willing to try new meals, I won’t give them dessert and I won’t give them anything different. It sounds like they like the processed items right now, so start with what they love but make it homemade so they can transition out of the ultra processed versions. Try and offer vegetables with every meal

Does anyone have any tips for introducing new flavours like chinese or mexican type food, curries, or even things like lemon (not a flavour they like at the moment)?

Everyone in our house except DS loves fajitas. I've always made him his own little batch of unseasoned chicken and veg which he makes into a plain wrap. Over time I've convinced him to try a tiny amount of seasoning and I just increase it a little each time. He still doesn't like too much fajita seasoning and maybe he never will, but he does like it with a small amount now and he was up for trying beef tacos last week! He actually quite liked them. I think it's just about continually offering things and exposing them to new flavours. Don't they say you need to expose a toddler to a new food up to 20 times before they will accept it? Probably the same is true of older kids too.

Not sure what you're getting at. I was responding to comments from PPs that their kids just get what they're given, whether they like it or not.

In my house if they don't like the food they can have a fairly plain bowl of porridge instead, so they aren't hungry.

My suggestion is putting a bowl of crudités (cut up veg) or whatever on the table before thr actual meal and I find the kids eat them all. If served at the same time, they don't.

what is wrong with pizza, burgers, chips?. make them yourself with proper ingredients.

Our other rule is that you don't have to eat anything but you have to try a bit of everything.

@Goldbar there are lots of adults who are very fussy around food. It is tiresome.

Mine grumble about food but eat it

They like pitta pizzas made with Wholemeal pitta bread and do their own toppings

Homemade burgers are dead easy and do them with veg sticks

I am not sure what this "thing" about getting kids to like spicy foods?

Just only offer what you are happy for them to eat.

You are where you are right now so you probably need to bridge gradually from the meals you offer now to more normal food.

Its not their age. My kids are 7 and 4 and will eat spag bol, home made curries/tagines, shepherds pie, chicken casseroles, roast dinners etc and the eldest eats a wide range of green veg (youngest will eat broccoli, carrots, peas, asparagus etc but less adventurous).

If i gave them choice they would definitely live off processed crap, so I don't give them choice.

I was a fussy child and didn’t like most food in a sauce. I liked plain food. I don’t agree with this “one meal or they go hungry” approach - I genuinely really disliked the stuff I didn’t like, I wasn’t doing it to be difficult or get junk food.

My parents managed to feed me with using processed food. I had a lot of plain meat & veg & potatoes/rice type meals. Or bits & pieces type of meal (cheese, bread, veg). Maybe start with that? You could put a sauce on the side for them to try.

If you want them to eat more casseroles, curries etc, be prepared to tone down the adult flavours. Onion, spices, soy sauce for example, put less in - it may taste bland to adult palates but you stand more chance of the kids eating it. And you can build up the flavour gradually once they’ve decided they like that dish.

If you want then to eat real homemade food, serve them real homemade food. No alternatives, no asking what they want. That's dinner, eat it or don't. Of course you can make allowances for particular dislikes, but kiss need to learn that they can't just eat their favorite foods all the time, balanced and varied diets are important.
Assuming no special needs, you dont need dieticians or drs for a bit of fussy eating for God's sake.

How did they get offered this stuff? I don't think my DD was aware of most junk food at that age. Don't offer it and they can't eat it

I'm aware that this isn't much use now but I didn't ever give mine any processed junk food until they were around 7.

And then they knew it was only occasional.

They just didn't know it existed. When they did, I made own versions of it at home - homemade burgers and potato wedges etc. They weren't aware that you could buy ultra processed versions of those in supermarkets.

So I agree with making homemade versions.

Because spices are very good for you.

OP it doesn't sound like your children are extreme fussy eaters, which would require professional help.
I think the problem is that they have acquired a taste for processed food. This kind of food is popular for a reason, we're designed by evolution to find fatty/sugary/salty food delicious and its very more-ish, again for biological reasons. It's a bit late now but my advice would have been not to let them acquire this taste in the first place.
I think make the change gradually, going for familiar looking swaps first like home made pizza. Cook one meal only and do not offer alternatives. Offer choices in advance if you like but only between things you are happy for them to have (shall I do peas or sweetcorn with these burgers?)
I think eating together as a family is really important for all the reasons PP have said, even if this is inconvenient- you may as an adult end up eating slightly earlier than you would like, or your children might need a healthy snack between lunch and dinner.

If they eat reasonably healthy food at breakfast and lunch I think you can be more relaxed about the main meal. If they really refude whats on offer at dinner time or eat very little then a very boring snack later or a glass of milk will mean they aren't hungry at bedtime.

good luck!

There are lots of adults who are very invested in what other adults eat. Personally I find that even more tiresome.

If we have people round, I offer food and sometimes they eat it and sometimes they politely refuse certain things. It doesn't bother me because I'm not the food police.