To be this upset?

[Sobersally]

For context DP and I have been together for 8 years, we have always spoken about having a big family and that we would love to have two DC close together.

We had our first DC a year ago and recently fell pregnant (unplanned) which sadly ended in MC. Since then I have spoken lots to DP about plans to have another baby, we decided to wait until DC1 is a bit older before trying for DC2.

Yesterday my DP approached me and explained that he does not want to have anymore DC. He finds it challenging being a parent and whilst he loves our DC he does not want to have anymore children and does not see this changing. He wants to put all of his time and effort into giving DC the best life he can and really does not want to have any more DC for his own emotional health and the lifestyle he wants us to have with our DC.

I know that this is completely up to DP, I cant force him to change his mind and wouldn’t put him in a position that he is not comfortable with. I know that people can have ideas about having children and that this can change after the experience of having one but AIBU that this has absolutely floored me? I cannot stop crying I feel so emotional and devastated that the plans and ideas I had for the future are completely changed. The recent MC was difficult but helped knowing we would try for another DC over the next year. I feel completely caught off guard and whilst I know that I am blessed to have DC1 I never imagined they would be my only baby.

Has anyone been in this position? And how did you overcome it in your relationship without upset and feelings of resentment?

YANBU - it is ok to be so upset over this
YABU - pull yourself together and be thankful for having one healthy and happy DC

Of course you are upset, the future larger family you envisaged probably won't happen. That is a lot for you to get your head around.

But also your dh is not being unreasonable either, it's good he is being honest about how he feels.

Is he (and are you) happy and enjoying life with your one child now? Making the most of what you are going through now? If life had been different and you'd been unable to have another child would you be living this part of your one-child any differently?

As pp have said, maybe dh will have a re-think if things get easier. Maybe you'll enter the tantruming phase and both be glad that (for the moment) there is only one child. Maybe in the fullness of time you will decide that one child is not enough and wonder about the other decisions you could make...

In the meantime, I'd change your second voting option to: be thankful for having one healthy and happy DC and a happy DH/ and a stable relationship I say this because a family member of mine knew they struggled with the one child they had but went on to have another, things only felt more difficult for them and the famly split up.