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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to wash hands before handling newborn baby?

213 replies

AliciaJohns · 19/03/2008 15:10

I am genuinely asking here. I went to see a friend the other day who has a week old baby. Her dh said (very politely) "would you mind washing your hands before you pick him up?"

I wasn't offended, just confused as I have never been asked to do this before nor would it have crossed my mind to ask people to wash their hands before handling my son!

My hands were clean by the way, in case you think they were caked in mud or something!!

Is this a bit weird? Or am I??!

OP posts:
ruty · 20/03/2008 12:29

interesting thread. I'm afraid I wouldn't assume to hold a new born baby that wasn't mine/related to me anyway. And i would always offer to wash my hands. I don't think newborns should be passed around pillar to post either really. Plenty of time for that later.

ruty · 20/03/2008 12:30

i remember in hospital asking the consultant to wash her hands before examining my day old caesarean scar. It didn't go down too well.

Habbibu · 20/03/2008 12:36

Think that's a good question, actually, Twig. Neonatal death is described as death in the first 4 weeks of life, so I suspect after that the baby's immune system is beginning to get a bit more robust. Would like to hear a proper answer from a HCP on that, mind.

Elffriend · 20/03/2008 12:40

Blimey, talk about taking things personally.

I do have a PFB. I did prefer it if people washed their hands before touching him. I did not routinely ask (for fear of causing offence I suppose but then I seem to remember that most rellys washed their hands anyway and I did not have him out on general loan in the first few days). I'm all for building an immune system blah blah blah - just don't see the hurry in the first few days FGS. I would draw the line at people holding him if someone had a reeking cold for example, or had just been smoking. I think that is perfectly reasonable behaviour. I would not be casting doubt on the person's nose-picking habits etc. I would just be doing what I thought was right to protect my newborn - be that right or wrong. I am not compulsive or obsessive- just sensible. I would wash my hands before handling a newborn -why wouldn't you? Cannot for the life of me understand someone taking that as a personal affront - even if you did think it was a bit OTT - give a new parent a break.

Elffriend · 20/03/2008 12:43

Sorry for the tone, I realise most of you are saying the same thing - just rather surprised at some of the anger expressed by some.

MrsTittleMouse · 20/03/2008 12:45

Off on a bit of a tangent, but it's one of my bugbears that people expect to hold newborns. It's as though they think it's a universal right, and it doesn't matter how inconvenient it is for the mother who has just given birth, or whether it's right for the baby, who might be having problems. A few of my relatives were particularly bad for this. Just because you happen to share a few genes with her, she is not your baby. She is her own baby, and we're going to do what's right for her.

Now that she's older, she's been passed around for ages and it doesn't bother me at all. She is quite capable of letting us know if she doesn't like it!

Heated · 20/03/2008 12:50

Happy to be corrected on this, but I thought babies were born with some of their mother's immunity (or am I thinking iron levels?!) or picked some up through bf?

Tutter · 20/03/2008 12:53

only know one mum who asked this of viewers of her newborn

i like to remind her of it, as these days (with 3 dc) she's so blase dahling about her kids ("oh, you took hikm to the doctors? i don't bother unless one of mine actually loses a limb")

Twinkie1 · 20/03/2008 12:55

You would need to wash hands after touching DS not before!

macdoodle · 20/03/2008 13:58

Haven't read whole thread so sorry if repeating ...
I was most laid back non neurotic mum ever was not worried about hand washing dirt germs pets etc even with my PFB now 6, and this seemed proven by fact she was healthiest child ever!!
However my DD2 now 12 weeks became very unwell 3 weeks ago and was admitted to HDU with septicaemia and shock possibly a viral meningitis but equally likely just a simple tummy bug which could have killed her
I asked the consultant where she could have got it as I am still ex BF and she is big fat baby - he said we all carry bugs in our noses and hands and with little ones even a simple infection can be life threatening as it was in my case....so now we all wash hands ALL the time nd I have little vials of spray hand gel everywhere...and have become quite neurotic but TBH if it prevents the week I had in hospital watching my baby hooked up to tubes oxygen and fluid then I could care less ...it is easy enough to wash hands what is the big deal !!!1

UncleBulgaria · 20/03/2008 14:05

slightly off topic but i remeber seeing an old friend not so long ago, she had a gorgeous 2 week old ds. He was in one of those enormous swing thigs with flashig lights and bells and whistles, and he did not like it one bit. The phone went and she waddled off to organise some paperwork for who ever it was on the phone. Well after 20 minutes of the poor kid screaming i stopped the swing and got him out. I calmed him down and he was seconds away from falling asleep on my shoulder when she came back. She was soooo offended, Her money had been spent on this useless bit of tat and a simple cuddle had done the trick. Bearing in mind i have two ds's and have worked with newborns for 10 years, i think i was ok to handle him!

anyway, i got into the habit of washing hands when my ds1 was in scubu, so ive always done it around tiny babies. Even my 6 yr old instincitively does it !!

Trolleydolly71 · 20/03/2008 14:07

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Trolleydolly71 · 20/03/2008 14:09

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bergentulip · 20/03/2008 14:21

I think it is downright weird to ask someone to wash their hands(!)

No wonder so many children grow up with allergies and god knows what, when they are not able to build up any tolerance at all to germs getting on their skin(!), let alone in their mouths!!!!!!

A peck a dirt never did anyone any harm, I say. Have two perfectly healthy boys, and I cannot say I was overly pedantic on the sterilising thing beyond 3 months old either!

Habbibu · 20/03/2008 14:23

bergen, "a peck of dirt" can and does kill some babies. No, not most, and no, I'm not suggesting keeping children in a bubble, but bad things do happen, and those of us with healthy children are often just plain lucky.

bergentulip · 20/03/2008 14:30

Ok, was exaggerating slightly to make a point, not actual 'dirt', but overly sterile, overly 'anti-bacterialised' everythings cannot help the immune system to build up defences against various things for later in life?

That is exactly how immunisations work, right? I am no doctor, and quite happy to stand corrected, but injections given to our children contain a tiny amount of said virus for that very reason.....
Like I say, I could be waaaay off the mark on that one, but that is certainly what I have always been led to believe.

Habbibu · 20/03/2008 14:32

We're talking about neonates here, bergen, not older babies/children. I agree with you (as I posted earlier) that I don't believe in over sterilising/anti bac everything, but neonates can be extremely vulnerable - we don't immunise newborns...

Blu · 20/03/2008 14:36

I didn't ask anyone to wash before touching DS, but wouldn't object or think it weird if someone requested it. their baby...and viruses are spread much more efficiently by touch than breathing.

Why sterilise bottles if you're going to smother the little thing with bacteria and viruses?

Anyway, i think annoying the ILs is the best justification for this new approach to babycare!

bundle · 20/03/2008 14:36

i think it's fine for someone to ask.

lentengrrl · 20/03/2008 15:03

I don't like holding newborns, unless very very very close to me, in which case the dp would be close to me and so even if I thought it was a bit mad I wouldn't mind hand washing. I think it's lovely the way people love their tiny babies and are all anxious and hearts coming out of their chests. If it is manifested in a bit of hand washing, who cares?

I am a nutter though and don't think newborns should be held by all and sundry and the milkman

Habbibu · 20/03/2008 15:07

lentengrrl - this "I think it's lovely the way people love their tiny babies and are all anxious and hearts coming out of their chests." is such a lovely description!

CrushWithEyeliner · 20/03/2008 15:26

I agree - I wouldn't even expect to hold a newborn I have even declined when offered before because my clothes were not 100% clean. Totally agree about not playing pass the parcel with newborns - it's just not right. I was totally berated for this by SC mother and in-laws but couldn't care a toss.

muppetHOWDOYOUEATYOURSgirl · 20/03/2008 15:30

I think new parents are so full of worry, stress and desperation to do the right thing and protect their lo. I wouldn't ask to hold a newborn (not saying you did) but then I'm not great with other people's babies anyway.

Also, there are some pretty awful sickness and diahreah (awful sp I know ) bugs around. My friends lo was hospitalised for a week just before Christmas at 6 weeks due to a bad infection that kept her temperature very high.

muppetHOWDOYOUEATYOURSgirl · 20/03/2008 15:35

I also don't sterilise ds 2's bottles after ff him from 12 weeks. The dog licked his hand one day and my lo put his hand in his mouth...I really didn't see the point after that. Also ds 1 quite often sticks his fingers (and god knows where they have been being 4 and willy obsessed) in his mouth to despite being told not to.

But then he is a second baby and 1st time round I sterilised for months...

pinata · 20/03/2008 15:39

of course people should wash their hands with tiny babies - same way you're asked to wash or use hand gel when you visit anyone in hospital. it's just basic hygiene when around anyone with a weak or immature immune system

i asked the few people who didn't automatically offer with DD - if you're polite about it, people don't mind, specially when you mention it is on advice of MW