to want DD to play by herself

[antiq]

DD is coming up to 24 months, in the past she's largely entertained herself but she's becoming increasingly clingy and wants us to sit with her and play, which I often do as I'm SAH, but doing it all the time isn't practical. If I try to do something else she'll most likely whine and whine until I stop.

Toy rotation has helped a little bit, but it's a very temporary solution - ten new things in her box will keep her occupied for perhaps an hour. Two new things, five minutes?! I'm trying not to rotate too often as I don't want to encourage ADHD-type tendencies (which is a risk anyway), so limiting to once a week.

Visiting people/children or having someone over to play with her (children or adults) always works, she's very sociable. Likewise going to toddler groups etc, she's great. But a big part of the time I need to be at home and need to cook, wash, make some calls etc.

Shouldn't she able to occupy herself and be happy at this age?

Part of me is wondering if she's growing out of her toys, there's been little thought or strategy to her toys, she's had a lot of them at least 6-12 months, and most have been gifts. Any recommendations for toys that keep seemingly intelligent toddlers occupied? Preferably stuff that will calm rather than overstimulate, and for my sake with no sirens etc.

Or am I being unreasonable? Soon enough she'll be off to preschool, should I just try to make the most of this time with her now and leave the "thing that must be done" until 2025?

Your expectations are hugely off. Yes at that age they might be able to entertain themselves for a short time while you get something done but lots can't/don't. An entire hour would have been unheard of for either of mine. Also ADHD is a neurological condition. You won't 'encourage' it by providing new toys. Thats a crazy statement !

"Im also not sure why you’re so insistent on keeping your child from being “too stimulated”? Is there something bigger going on? Is there a particular reason for this? 🤔" @Inyourwildestdreams

I don't think there's something bigger going on, but someone else higher up in the thread asked a similar question, so maybe you're on to something. What do you think it could be? I don't understand what's being implied, but open to consider whatever it is. And are you saying there's no such thing as being too stimulated, the more activity and excitement the better?

Perhaps I need to get over doing more regular rotation, but in my gut I feel throwing lots of different toys at her every day so she has a constant high is not the way to go for us.

She won't get a high from new toys. Bizarre! However why not just take her with you to get a jumper. Give her a towel to dry her plastic plates rather continually expecting her to sit quietly with toys. 2 year olds are highly unlikely be happy with doing this regularly

But she's not going to be over excited/over stimulated by a few baby toys - unless those toys are an iPad or Nintendo switch or something with bright flashing games

An hour at age 2 sounds good to me!!

Imagine a two year old

• going shopping
• going to town
• going to a friends house
• going to soft play
• going swimming
• going play group
• going nursery

ALL normal stuff most do ALL more stimulating than being left alone with a few toys. OP you post is very odd.

She's not being left alone with a few toys. And who says I don't do those things? Only your imagination. In reality I've done them all bar one with her over the last few weeks.

How much physical activity/time outside does she get?

My experience is that children are much better able to entertain themselves when they have had some time out of the house and, yes, stimulation.

You seem to want to avoid stimulation - but stimulation is good, of course over stimulation is bad but children need to see and learn new things

Are you happy as a SAHM? Would perhaps going back to work and using some childcare help? I totally understand that looking after a child this age is intense, I couldn't do it all day

I’m afraid my 2 year old (nearly 3) is also very attached to me. I can’t just pop upstairs without him coming with me.

Sometimes I will be able to do the dishwasher/ clean the kitchen for half an hour with him playing by himself in the other room, but he probably wouldn’t have done that at 24 months.

Some children just are clingy - it’s hard work but it’s normal.

5 mins isn't bad at an hour your being unreasonable for a child on their own she's a toddler not a 7 year old.
Get her helping in your chores they love it.
Use your speaker phone.

Have a read of some parenting magazines....this is parents

I wonder if the constant toy rotation means she kind of "forgets" how to play with something - so that's why she wants you to play (ie "help").
2 is when they start to have more firm favourites of toys and role play ones are the best.
Baby dolls with a play pram/cot/clothes.
Toy kitchen with all the play foods.
Toy tills and shopping basket.
It's all about copying adults and daily things (like making lunch) - which in turn teaches independence.
Clear out any "baby" toys and give her some role play type ones - she will soon learn to potter around and do her own thing.
But she is only 2 - so her attention span is still the size of a gnat.

I think you’re getting two hung up on toy rotation. Have a core selection of toys available within your DD’s reach. You can always swap in and out a few other toys every so often.

Do you play with your DD for a while and then gently encourage independent play ? Do little two piece picture matching or pop in wooden puzzles, read books, painting, etc.

Most humans enjoy company, your DD is no different. Have you tried playing with her for a short while, then gently explain that you need to cook dinner, etc and maybe she might play with xx by herself. When she’s playing by herself, maybe every 10 minutes or so, have a quick chat with her, ask if she’s ok, what is she doing, say what you’re doing and you’ll be back to her in a few minutes.

Maybe you’ve just become bored with being with a toddler all day and might be happier back in the workplace?

Thanks for the update OP. Seems like there are a few things going on here:

1. you need a bit more of your own space. Clinginess is hard. My nearly 4-year-old barely leaves my side when he’s not at nursery and it is wonderful and suffocating in equal measure. We’re best mates but god, just let me have a wee in peace!

2. you are likely to be overthinking about her development. Agree with all other PPs, they need a variety of toys/activities, but the most useful thing is to just chill with you. If you are doing that anyway, then smashing. No need to do more.

3. if your child is overstimulated, you’ll know. Mine is quite sensitive, and needs some calming time. If you watch his cues, you can tell. Sometimes I miss them, or carry on thinking it’ll ease, and it turns into an almighty tantrum. But in my experience, it’s hard to overstimulate without some sort of feedback from your child that it’s all a bit too much.

Have you got family support, OP?

I don’t think rotating her toys will give her ADHD Ffs.

At her age I'd expect 20-30 minutes of independent play which gives you a bit of time to do a job. Then I'd either do an activity with her or get a new activity out. Remember she can get involved with household tasks/cooking too.

As a teacher of 4 year old our activities would be for about 10 mins each or 15 if we were lucky. So at 2 she is doing brilliantly to do 10. Giving her water in a basin is often a good distraction while you are cleaning or giving her her own polishing cloth. And going out as much as possible so she is not dependent on you for stimulation.

An hour is good going OP. Stick with the toy rotation, changing out toys once a week or fortnight. Don't forget to rotate books

My son is 28 months and can play independently for about an hour as well. I try to break up the day into strategic chunks. Some independent play followed by carefully timed tv in the afternoon can buy me time to get things done.

The things I've found best at keeping him occupied the longest are:

-Treasure baskets of odds and ends. Random things but especially little tins and boxes to open with things hidden inside as well as purses (charity shop) filled with old library cards/loyalty cards etc.

-Flisat table with sand, shells and things to dig and scoop

-Tuff tray full of pasta and a selection of toy diggers and trucks

-toy hoover and cleaning toys etc. he plays with them while I'm hoovering and dusting. He likes to pretend to do the same

-speed track and matchbox cars

@antiq point is that you say you don't want to over stimulate her / swop toys a lot - yet that is less stimulating than every day normal activities.
Yet you think she'll develop ADHD type behaviours.
Seriously send her to nursery she'll love it. Constant new things all the time

This, like wtf op?

Adhd tendencies????

😡

You do realise it's a neurological disorder?

As in the brain pathways ALREADY formed within the amygdala Etc. And it's usually hereditary..... some people honestly.

@antiq I’m not suggesting for one second that there is anything bigger going on. I asked you if there was as you seemed to place particular focus on wanting your DD to be calmed and not overstimulated.
Of course young children can be too stimulated but I don’t think some age-appropriate toys will be an issue.

I really would encourage you to try and involve your DD in tasks that you need to get done. Give her simple jobs to do! She’ll love it, it keeps her busy and you get everything done that you need to do!