to want DD to play by herself

[antiq]

DD is coming up to 24 months, in the past she's largely entertained herself but she's becoming increasingly clingy and wants us to sit with her and play, which I often do as I'm SAH, but doing it all the time isn't practical. If I try to do something else she'll most likely whine and whine until I stop.

Toy rotation has helped a little bit, but it's a very temporary solution - ten new things in her box will keep her occupied for perhaps an hour. Two new things, five minutes?! I'm trying not to rotate too often as I don't want to encourage ADHD-type tendencies (which is a risk anyway), so limiting to once a week.

Visiting people/children or having someone over to play with her (children or adults) always works, she's very sociable. Likewise going to toddler groups etc, she's great. But a big part of the time I need to be at home and need to cook, wash, make some calls etc.

Shouldn't she able to occupy herself and be happy at this age?

Part of me is wondering if she's growing out of her toys, there's been little thought or strategy to her toys, she's had a lot of them at least 6-12 months, and most have been gifts. Any recommendations for toys that keep seemingly intelligent toddlers occupied? Preferably stuff that will calm rather than overstimulate, and for my sake with no sirens etc.

Or am I being unreasonable? Soon enough she'll be off to preschool, should I just try to make the most of this time with her now and leave the "thing that must be done" until 2025?

You can’t give a child ADHD, and certainly not by putting new toys in a box. ADHD is hereditary.

I think it’s unrealistic to expect her to play alone for very long!

Playing for an hour on her own is not bad at that age. A friend's child is 6.5 and still will even rarely watch TV without whining for someone to do it with him, play with him, entertain him. They have bought hundreds (literally) of toys etc to try to do this but he generally won't!

ADHD CAN be hereditary, it's partly genetic and influenced by environment.
(Not that I agree that toys can give ADHD, never heard that one before)

I'm trying not to rotate too often as I don't * want to encourage ADHD-type tendencies*

Eh?

LOL she’s two.

Unrealistic I’m afraid. You may start seeing some longer stretches of solo play between 3-6yrs old, but it will be intermittent.

Your views on ADHD are unreasonable.

I’d love to know the title of the book you appear to be trying to raise your child by! For heavens sake relax a bit. She’s only 2.
You say your child is sociable, then wonder why she wants your company? It’s a shame you don’t seem to enjoy hers much.

I think our DD plays well independently. She's is the same age

We still play with her a fair bit and we also do some physical play... Swinging, rocking, riding on our backs etc.

The best value toys I have are:

• Toy kitchen which is in our kitchen
• Baby doll with milk bottles/ buggy / cot in living room
• Vtech* ( the loud plastic junk ) in her room

*We have a farm thing, a tree you put balls in, musical castle thing and a digger that balls pop out of.

She plays in the room with me or on the same floor. Ie she is pottering between living room hall and kitchen.

Household Tasks are also play

Taking out and hanging laundry is play.
"Cooking" is play.
Running and putting things in the bin is play
Having a bounce on the bed while I dry my hair is play

If you are expecting her to play in a room on her own you have totally unrealistic expectations. I also like to be in eyeline as she's quite adventurous and loves climbing/"experimenting"

Also, a two year old who will play alone for a whole hour is incredible. I’ve never known one who does that, even with new/ rotated toys.

2 year old expected to play by herself? 🤣🤣🤣 even my 5 year old gets bored after 15 mins...

Hang on..

I missed the "she's occupied for an hour" bit

🤯🤯🤯
The fact you think this is poor/needs improving is just wild....

I don't know ANY 2 year old that will do that

I wonder if the OP is American - there's definitely a bit of a view there that you shouldn't play with your children. Not saying all Americans agree with it but it's more of a thing there, my American family often discuss it.

E.g.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/15/magazine/kids-play.html

https://letgrow.org/dont-play-with-your-kids/

It's not only American. I'm french and it's generally accepted that it's good for kids to learn play on their own - and sometimes get bored. Although obviously, not every family does this.

A lot of my friends didn't understand the need for baby play groups for instance, or the idea that baby needs "stimulating" all the time. At most they would go to a Montessori playroom for an hour once in a while.

Yes I think there are a lot of cultural differences on these topics

If she can occupy herself for an hour, she is doing very well.

What toys are available for her to play with.

Children of that age generally enjoy:
A play kitchen with lots of doors to open, utensils, pans, toy food, etc.

A box of large bricks.
Toy cars/trucks, etc.
Plastic or wooden animals.
A pop up tent/tunnel.
A sit and ride toy of some sort.
A ball.
A pushchair and dolls.
Lift the flap books.
A drawer or cupboard in your kitchen that they can access with plastic bowls, kitchen utensils, a saucepan, etc.

But if you’re expecting your 2 yo to play for hours by herself, you should enrol her in a nursery where she can interact with others.

@antiq I’m going to ignore the ADHD comments because I’m not entirely sure where you’re going with that to be honest.

Im also not sure why you’re so insistent on keeping your child from being “too stimulated”? Is there something bigger going on? Is there a particular reason for this? 🤔

I think you have quite unrealistic expectations of your child to be honest. What calls are you having to make that you need her to be occupied for more than an hour?!
Is there a reason why she can’t help with the jobs that need done in the house? DS has helped me with cooking/cleaning/tidying/laundry since he could walk 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sometimes means things take a bit longer but it’s an “activity” and keeps him entertained.

’m going to ignore the ADHD comments because I’m not entirely sure where you’re going with that to be honest.

Just the one post from OP, self explanatory I would say

Jesus If my 2 or 4 year old play ten minutes independently then my day has been made.

I do everything to encourage it, but hey Ho.

So yes, OP an hour is amazing. She can probably “help” with most household tasks. Takes longer but my 4yo can tidy, dust and hoover his room (he does this better then play!!)

hey OP, I’m with everyone else, these are highly unrealistic expectations.

What’s driving it? Is it the need to crack on and get chores done? Is it the need to get 10 mins to yourself?

Thanks to the vast majority who've been clear in your advice / opinion without being unkind.

I'm a bit drained so haven't expressed myself in the best way. And I'm still drained so maybe it'll be no better this time.

To be clear, at the moment I'm spending almost all of her waking hours playing, talking and interacting with her, to the point I've wondered if I'm giving her too much attention, especially after a subtle hint to that end by a visitor. I enjoy it, and she enjoys it, and she's very happy.

Apologies for any offence on the ADHD comment, I didn't mean actual ADHD. A child's environment obviously does influence what they become, but perhaps not to the extent I implied.

I think my "perhaps an hour" comment especially has given the wrong impression. What I mean is that, when I've introduced lots of new toys, with me just next to her washing dishes, making food etc, she's played with them independently, with some gentle nudging and hands off interaction from me, and done it on and off for an hour with little breaks of coming back and forth and wanting some interaction with me, but without crying and insisting I join her in the play or carry her around, and I felt I could get on with a few things. Maybe that's a luxury, I wasn't aware it was so unique! In which case, I'll try to be more grateful about it when it happens.

In any case, that might happen once a week on a good rotation, but might not. Otherwise, she'll often cry if I go to the sink to wash some dishes, run upstairs to get a jumper for 40 seconds, if I go to the toilet (even when she can see me from behind the safety gate). I'd like to be able to leave her for a few seconds without that happening, for her sake as much as anything - and I feel that by rushing back, I'm almost feeding that reliance. But maybe I'm wrong, and it seems I am.

Perhaps I need to get over doing more regular rotation, but in my gut I feel throwing lots of different toys at her every day so she has a constant high is not the way to go for us.

Thanks for all the tips on what you're doing with your own children and toys they like. Some of it I'm doing, but lots of useful stuff there.

Clinginess is a phase they go through as they become more mobile - they start to develop independence in stages, they wander away then panic and need to find you. I think its natures way of keeping them safe while they learn to explore.

Apologies for any offence on the ADHD comment, I didn't mean actual ADHD

What did you mean then?

Haven't RTFT but my DS couldn't entertain himself at this age.
It slowly developed once he turned 3 and now, at just turned 4, we might get 30 minutes of lego or colouring before he wants company.

Expecting a not even 2 year old to amuse themselves is unreasonable. It would be out of the ordinary.

Apologies for any offence on the ADHD comment, I didn't mean actual ADHD. A child's environment obviously does influence what they become, but perhaps not to the extent I implied.

What did you mean then?

ADHD is a diagnosed medical condition, it's not something you can prevent (or cause) by treating your child in a certain way.