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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to scream if one more mother looks me at in horror when I give my kids sweets at the school gates?

97 replies

londoner20 · 19/03/2008 14:53

aarrghhh. The looks I get when I take sweets to the school gates! My children get a healthy lunch - tuna, strawberries, apple, wholemeal bread, fresh orange juice. I turn up at the gate to collect them with say, a packet of crisps, or horror of horrors, a sweet and the LOOKS I get you'd think I was giving them alcohol or worse. (and if I dare go to the sweet shop on a Friday for a treat ....) What's wrong with everyone!! If you forbid something you are making it appealing... surely? what does everyone else think?

OP posts:
PortAndLemon · 19/03/2008 14:56

I think perhaps you are over-analysing the looks you get...

avenanap · 19/03/2008 14:56

If you want your kids to have sweets then this has nothing to do with anyone else. Your children, your choice. I bring my ds a kitKat one day, banana the next, then a club bar, then grapes, then mini chocolate biscuits. In the summer I'll bring him an ice cream if it's hot. I couldn't give a sugar what anyone else thinks. Their kids just look really unhappy

Habbibu · 19/03/2008 14:57

could just be crisp envy...

Flibbertyjibbet · 19/03/2008 14:57

Sorry but although my children have sweets and crisps so they are not forbidden, it would not be at the school gates when they are just about to have their tea.
An apple or possibly a digestive biscuit but not sweets and crisps.

Hmm this is mumsnet are you winding us up?

chickytwotimes · 19/03/2008 14:58

God, you should see what they have round here - you'd get goggled at for denying them in my home town! lol. Seriously, some people are so judgemental. If that's all they have to do, well, they're sad. And there's nought wrong with a wee sweetie now and then.

disclaimer: i am also judgemental but have the ability to keep it to myself when ou tin public.

mellowma · 19/03/2008 15:00

Message withdrawn

Oliveoil · 19/03/2008 15:00

weeeeell dd1 has a start of the week treat and an end of the week treat

long jelly snake things usually from the video shop

she still eats her tea...

harpsichordcarrier · 19/03/2008 15:01

they are not just about to have their tea though are they?
school's out at 3pm round here. teatime is, what, 5.30? 6pm?

Oliveoil · 19/03/2008 15:04

and, to justify myself at giving her beef fat and additives, they were bribes to get her INTO school when she cried everyday for nearly 2 months when she started reception

and it kind of carried on

Youcannotbeserious · 19/03/2008 15:04

I give my DSD some crisps at 3pm, and then a healthy tea....

But then, I'm a wicked step mother

motherhurdicure · 19/03/2008 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bobsyouruncle · 19/03/2008 15:34

where I live you're the odd one out if you're not dishing out sweets.

saadia · 19/03/2008 15:51

well, my kids have their "sugar thing" (as they like to call it) when they get home, then have milk and then fruit. I won't deny them sweets and if you want to give them at the school gates I don't see a problem.

2shoesistheeasterbunny · 19/03/2008 15:55

yanbu

maisemor · 19/03/2008 16:26

I only have a problem with the parents who give their children sweets/crisps and they don't make them use a bin for the wrappers.

mamalocco · 19/03/2008 16:45

When my ds was at nursery a good friend of mine would pick her dd up every day waving a lollipop at her. And every day, my ds would be in tears because I hadn't bought one for him. If she had waited 30 seconds before giving it to her I would have had time to grab ds and run in the opposite direction and life would be been alot easier.

My dcs are allowed sweets and crisps but they are a weekend treat not an every day ocurrence.

Do you have to give them at the school gates?

Freckle · 19/03/2008 16:51

Why not at the school gates? Why should people have to alter what they want to do so that your child doesn't get miffed because you don't do the same. Mine are often moaning that their friends' parents let them do this, or give them that, when I don't and I just explain that each parent makes their own choices.

I take DS3 something to give him everyday when he comes out of school. I started doing it when I had two children in school (DS1 and DS2) and found that, if they had a quick sugar hit when they came out of school, there were far fewer arguments between them. And it sort of became a tradition. It's rarely sweets, more likely to be a cereal bar, or a banana, occasionally a chocolate bar, but I don't decide what to give him based on what I think other parents might like him to have. Sorry.

mamalocco · 19/03/2008 16:56

Don't have to change your actions, but accept that your actions affect other people.

MarkStretch · 19/03/2008 17:01

DD's teacher left on maternity leave today and gave all the children a present which they ripped open as soon as they came out of school.

It was a lolly, jelly tots and a handful of toffees.

DD ate the lolly and is now a much nicer person than then sulky 5 yr old I normally collect.

I'm thinking there's something in this 'sugar hit in the afternoon' thing...

Twiglett · 19/03/2008 17:03

if you want your children to have sweets and crisps that's your decision, but I think it's insensitive to give it to them at the school gates .. walk off a few paces and then give it to them

it is not your role to start other children tantrumming over why xx got sweets and they haven't .. who the hell wants that battle if they can avoid it?

Freckle · 19/03/2008 17:04

But how does my giving my child something when he comes out of school affect others? It doesn't, not in any direct sense. You could say that about anything that anyone does.

Of course, my actions can affect others in some ways, but the choices I make with regard to how I treat my child are mine to make without consideration for others. Our children all have to learn that some people have some things that they can't. My children have friends who have every games console under the sun. We don't and they have to accept this. I wouldn't expect their friends' parents to consider not giving their children these gadgets because it might affect other children or their parents.

MrsMattie · 19/03/2008 17:05

Ignore 'em. It's a free country and sweets aren't illegal, FFS.

Twiglett · 19/03/2008 17:08

they all come out of school together .. if they are standing with you waiting to go home then the children see .. and we're talking a 2 - 3 minute window that is easy to avoid

look it wouldn't particularly bother me, but I can see why it would bother other people as per lollipop thread below

I just personally wouldn't want to inflict this on other parents .. I think it's egocentric and selfish to pretend otherwise

the fact that DS's friends have DS lites and he doesn't is no bother to me or him, he is aware he simply isn't allowed but if it was rubbed into his face every single day at the time of day when he's tired and yes has low blood sugar then I'd be rather peeved

Freckle · 19/03/2008 17:12

Then the answer is for those parents who are bothered by tantrumming children (mine is older than that though) to take something for their child/ren. Doesn't have to be sweets/crisps, but a quick lift of blood sugar levels means that tantrums are unlikely anyway.

As I said, I rarely take sweets but, if I did, I wouldn't feel that I couldn't, IYSWIM. In any event, there is usually at least one class per day where there is a birthday and ever since some bastard misguided parent started the tradition of distributing sweets to classmates, there are always some children coming out with sweets anyway. We can't spend our lives trying to work out if everything we do might impact slightly in some undefinable way on others.

MrsMattie · 19/03/2008 17:14

OMG, sorry but 'egocentric' and 'selfish; to give your own child sweets? Come on Twig, that's ridiculous! I despair of the precious, petty way supposed 'good parenting' is going these days. Really, I do.

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