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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to scream if one more mother looks me at in horror when I give my kids sweets at the school gates?

97 replies

londoner20 · 19/03/2008 14:53

aarrghhh. The looks I get when I take sweets to the school gates! My children get a healthy lunch - tuna, strawberries, apple, wholemeal bread, fresh orange juice. I turn up at the gate to collect them with say, a packet of crisps, or horror of horrors, a sweet and the LOOKS I get you'd think I was giving them alcohol or worse. (and if I dare go to the sweet shop on a Friday for a treat ....) What's wrong with everyone!! If you forbid something you are making it appealing... surely? what does everyone else think?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 19/03/2008 17:14

agree with can't work out everything but I think this is a fairly obvious act that can be easily avoided ... you're talking a couple of minutes / paces difference

Twiglett · 19/03/2008 17:15

'snot about 'good parenting', it's about awareness that you are a member of a community and bothering to care about your effect on other members IMHO

MrsMattie · 19/03/2008 17:17

Does that mean you can;t give your kids a choclolate bar in all public places, then? Like on the bus? Or on a street where there are other kids who might see and ask their mum if they can have one too? Come on, choccie buttons at the school gate - not exactly anti-social behaviour, is it?

Freckle · 19/03/2008 17:18

Well, I would imagine that most parents aren't aware that other children are getting upset. In the melee that is school chucking out time, I'm lucky if I notice that I've got the right child sometimes. There are always children kicking off for some reason or other and I wouldn't necessarily realise it was because I've given DS3 a banana and they don't have one.

If DS3 comes out regularly with another child, he very often automatically shares what he has anyway. On other occasions, with the mum's permission, I take extra and let them have some too. I don't deliberately set out to upset others, but I don't think I should have to second-guess whatever I do with DS3 in case another child is upset by it.

Twiglett · 19/03/2008 17:20

but the whole poiunt is the OP is fed up of other parents throwing looks at her .. fairly short leap to the looks are because of the effect she is having on their children ... easily avoided

but it's up to the individual how they live their life .. I'm just saying my POV

LadyMuck · 19/03/2008 17:20

My children's dentist is at the schoolgates with us. No-one brings sweets. She can be very scary!

Twiglett · 19/03/2008 17:21

I've never noticed any parent at our school giving out snacks at pick-up .. actually one, who has a long walk does .. but she always brings enough for all the kids that are clustered around

sense of community

MrsMattie · 19/03/2008 17:22

...or maybe they are the same miserable types who give me dirty looks when I give my son McD's chips, or a sausage roll from the baker's, or a lolly. There's a lot of weird food-related behaviour among parents these days. I blame whoever started this bolloxy thing of having veggie fecking crudites at kid's parties. Tossers.

FrannyandZooey · 19/03/2008 17:22

agree with Twig
it's obvious why people are giving dirty looks
if you don't like it wait 2 mins until you are down the street

poshwellies · 19/03/2008 17:23

We have a tuck shop after school once a week so all the children can go in with a few pence and buy their sweets-the money gets generated back into school,its a good idea.

MrsMattie · 19/03/2008 17:23

I always bring a snack for my son when I pick him up, as he is usually starving. Mostly healthy stuff, but sometimes something sweet. I pride myself on my 'sense of community' but I draw the line at this, sorry.

Freckle · 19/03/2008 17:24

Oh great. Not only am I ego-centric and selfish but I am also lacking in a sense of community. Just because I have the sense to take my child a snack for when he comes out of school some 3 hours after having lunch, and others don't. And I thought I was such a nice person.......

peanutbear · 19/03/2008 17:27

DS1 had to take a packed lunch today because he was going on a trip (he stays school dinners normally)

si I buy him bread meat for sandwiches chop a fruit salad throw in 3 bottles of water and crisps a jelly and a chocolate bar ( I worry he might starve!!!!)

DS takes one look at it and says I cant take that I pat him very condescendingly on the head and say dont worry it has no nuts in and smile

Ds whispers to Dh we a only allowed 1 unhealthy thing so I will have to leave the crisps and jelly behind !!!!!

I have to say I think this is utter bollox why would any one want to check his lunch box and why would they care what he eats he isnt over or under weight he is autistic so can be picky but I think I am capable of making sure he eats healthily

Squiffy · 19/03/2008 17:27

You should turn up with a joint hanging out of your mouth and a can of Stella in your pocket. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb

VictorianPASqualor · 19/03/2008 17:27

I have an half hour wait between my bus getting to DD's school and picking her up, so DS and I go to the park and he has some sweets, I also buy Dd some as he has had some.

However, I don't give her them at the school gates, I wait til we get back to the bus stop and she has them there.

Our dinner time is 6pm so makes no difference to their appetite.

I've never noticed any looks though, I got a worse look when I gave DS a kinder egg at the hospital antenatal clinic yesterday at about 9:30am. Never mind he had had his breakfast at 6:30am and been at the hospital since 8:30.

I just smiled sweetly and got the irn bru out of my bag......

MrsMattie · 19/03/2008 17:28

LOL@Squiffy!

peanutbear · 19/03/2008 17:28

I managed to wipe half my post you are not unreasonable I wouldnt worry what they think

VictorianPASqualor · 19/03/2008 17:30

Peanutbear, that I can understand more, not because you personally aren't giving your DC a good diet, I have no idea what else he eats but for some children being forced to take a healthy lunch to school is the only way they get anything healthy which is partly why a lot of schools do it I think.
It's a gvnmnt thing.

peanutbear · 19/03/2008 17:30

and I posted a post on the wrong thread I will go now

VictorianPASqualor · 19/03/2008 17:31

LOL pb.

Twiglett · 19/03/2008 17:38

I never said you weren't a nice person Freckle

but that is how I feel about it

if you choose to do something different because you believe that is right for your child, it won't stop me thinking what I think about right for all the children at school pick-up

Twiglett · 19/03/2008 17:39

what victoriansqualor does sounds spot on to me ..

francagoestohollywood · 19/03/2008 17:40

I honestly never bothered about what other parents brought for the dc's snack at the school gates.

perpetualworrier · 19/03/2008 17:43

I couldn't care less what you feed your children, but weren't any of you ever taught it's v. bad manners to eat in the street?

My DS's have various snacks after school, but never until they're home and have somewhere to sit. Even sweets that are handed out for a birthday, as they leave are never opened until we get home regardless of what he other kids do. Iv'e never had a fuss over this - over lots of other things yes, but not becasue some kids get sweets at the school gate.

The main thing that bugs me about after school snacks, is that the litter always seems to find it's way into my garden.

VictorianPASqualor · 19/03/2008 17:50

PW, if we lived close to the school I wouldn't give the DC's their sweets in the street. I don't think you need to eat in the street if you've only got a short way to go, but we have an hour and two buses to get home, so a small packet of sweets at the busstop/park to me isn't bad manners.