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Original poster

Stop a scam or leave well alone

48 replies

StopTheGreyness · 20/01/2024 22:21

My husband runs a computer repair and networking business. Recently he was approached by an existing customer who is in her mid seventies and appears to have all her marbles. She asked him if her could find her a laptop that would be suitable for her and he researched what she needed and ordered it for her. We're waiting for it to be delivered.

Yesterday he was telephoned by her son and asked to delay giving her the laptop as she has been scammed for over £80,000 by a man supposedly from Spain, who claims to have a romantic interest in her. She's never met or even talked to this man as he says he doesn't want to use the phone as his English isn't that great. He approached her through social media. Her son has involved the police and Action Fraud and there's very little they can do about this as she has not lost capacity and she is convinced this man is genuine.

My husband has access to her current computer as he is waiting to transfer the data to the new computer and, having seen the correspondence it is obvious it is a scam. Her son has access to her emails and Facebook (with her permission). He blocked the man on social media but he then started contacting her by email.

My husband could intervene and has come up with an idea of stopping the correspondence between them through technical means but, as she is his customer, his duty is to her and as she is supposedly compos mentis, this would not be right. He cannot discuss her in detail with her son either. However, he does not feel comfortable enabling this man to carry on taking all her money and leaving her penniless.

Would he be unreasonable to do anything other than set up the new computer and give it back to her. Trying to convince her to stop corresponding with this man is out of the question. Everyone close to her that has spoken to her has got nowhere. We feel he cannot do anything, sadly.

OP posts:
AllEars112232 · 20/01/2024 22:31

She might be of sound mind, but she is clearly vulnerable. There are always ways to breach data protection laws, and this situation would be one of them.
I think he could make a decent case for why he shared her info with the son should the customer make a complaint to the ICO (I’m guessing that is his concern here).
Pers I think this would be a better approach than taking matters into his own hands. All I would say is check this man actually is her son and not one of the scammers!

Indeedindeed24 · 20/01/2024 22:37

Oh gosh if this was my mum I would so hope someone with the know how would stop it. There is also a channel called Catfished on YouTube which uncovers these scams and helps victims see the red flags - I know can't get the lady to watch but might be helpful for others.

Original poster
StopTheGreyness · 20/01/2024 22:38

AllEars112232 · 20/01/2024 22:31

She might be of sound mind, but she is clearly vulnerable. There are always ways to breach data protection laws, and this situation would be one of them.
I think he could make a decent case for why he shared her info with the son should the customer make a complaint to the ICO (I’m guessing that is his concern here).
Pers I think this would be a better approach than taking matters into his own hands. All I would say is check this man actually is her son and not one of the scammers!

It is definitely her son, we live in a small town and everyone knows everyone. He hasn't given any information to the son, the son approached him and gave him lots of information about his mother. The only thing DH feels he can do is give the son information on how to break the correspondence as the son already has access to her emails and social media.

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 20/01/2024 22:40

Can he give the son a link to some instructions on what to do?

Original poster
StopTheGreyness · 20/01/2024 22:41

@BoohooWoohoo I think this is what he is going to try to do.

OP posts:
Frequency · 20/01/2024 22:43

Speak to the son to let him know what you are doing but yes, definitely block him, although be prepared to come up with a cover story because if the scammed has her phone number he will very likely develop a sudden command of the English language.

These types of people are very hard to deter once they've got their claws into someone.

Mikkismum · 20/01/2024 22:44

I think a 'romance fraud' of someone vulnerable warrants reporting to the police.

Tothemoonandbackx · 20/01/2024 22:44

Whoooops, a slip of the finger and everything's deleted.......

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 20/01/2024 22:47

He can give the son a lot of “general advice” that might be useful should he ever need to stop someone scamming him or a member of his family…

GreatGateauxsby · 20/01/2024 22:49

He cannot discuss her in detail with her son either

why not?

Jijithecat · 20/01/2024 23:02

So your DH can't discuss it with her son but he can give you the full details.

mynameiscalypso · 20/01/2024 23:05

Why can't he tell her son? He's not a doctor or a lawyer or anything like that. He's not bound by any kind of professional confidentiality laws beyond data protection which I don't think would be an issue here.

Mumoftwo1312 · 20/01/2024 23:08

I sympathise but I think your dh is hugely overstepping. Its just not his place to decide how this woman should or shouldn't waste her money.

If he thinks something criminal is taking place, he can report it.

Otherwise he should back right away.

By analogy, would he feel he needed to do something if his client was an online gambling addict? Block the online casinos without consulting the client first?? I think it is an equivalent situation. Huge overstep imo.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/01/2024 23:09

The only thing DH feels he can do is give the son information on how to break the correspondence as the son already has access to her emails and social media

If I had the skills to advise like this that's exactly what I'd do - not to interfere myself but to enable the son to take measures if he wishes

KeeeeeepDancing · 20/01/2024 23:10

Absolutely definitely teach the son how to do it.

OccasionalHope · 20/01/2024 23:12

Repot to the police surely?

Ellysetta · 20/01/2024 23:13

Stop the scam.

If my mum got scammed out of £80k, and I told you and proved to you that selling her a computer would enable her to be sed out of more money, and you refused to intervene and sold her the conputer and she lost money… I’d sue you. 😬🤷‍♀️ Best way to recover some of the loss, no point chasing some online scammer, but a computer shop based in UK, with insurance, that knowingly facilitated a scam? That’s a good target for litigation.

(By definition if she has fallen for a very obvious scam then she is not compus mentis…)

LonginesPrime · 20/01/2024 23:22

It was inappropriate of the son to contact your DH and ask him to potentially breach his contract with the customer in the first place.

The son shouldn't have placed your DH in that position and your DH shouldn't have read through her private correspondence.

Obviously the son is frustrated with not being able to control his mother's decisions, but that doesn't excuse his deliberately dragging your DH into the situation and jeopardising his business/reputation.

If I heard on the grapevine that a trusted local IT specialist was reading through his customers' emails and blocking their correspondence without the customer's knowledge (albeit with good intentions), I wouldn't use them. People talk, and you say that everyone knows everyone else so it seems likely that anything untoward that your DH does will come to light eventually.

If I were your DH, I would tell the son that unfortunately he can't lie to his customer and will be delivering the laptop as arranged. The son is obviously doing everything he can think of to protect his mum's money, so I don't think DH needs to report it to anyone as the son is doing all of that already.

LonginesPrime · 20/01/2024 23:27

(By definition if she has fallen for a very obvious scam then she is not compus mentis…)

So every victim of a scam should lose the ability to make decisions for themselves?

Smartiepants79 · 20/01/2024 23:49

There are ways of reporting romance scams to the police. Not entirely sure how it works if he’s abroad though.
I really think I’d have to try and do something. I’d find it hard to let this one go.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 20/01/2024 23:51

(By definition if she has fallen for a very obvious scam then she is not compus mentis…)

What utter rubbish!! I had a friend who easily could have lost money on what we could all see was a scam - the only reason she didn't was because she had no money! She was desperate to marry and have children, so fell for a man who appeared to be all she was looking for. She is an intelligent women who was a teacher.

Nn9011 · 20/01/2024 23:52

If your husband can speak to her son again, tell him to reach out to her bank with evidence - this is better if he can go to a branch. Their fraud team can block her accounts and have a duty of care to do so. The police should also have a victim support community worker who can come and see her.
Your husband probably shouldn't do anything to mess with the computer but maybe he could tell the son where he should "consider looking" and what he'd do if he found xyz?

Remagirl · 20/01/2024 23:58

Nn9011 · 20/01/2024 23:52

If your husband can speak to her son again, tell him to reach out to her bank with evidence - this is better if he can go to a branch. Their fraud team can block her accounts and have a duty of care to do so. The police should also have a victim support community worker who can come and see her.
Your husband probably shouldn't do anything to mess with the computer but maybe he could tell the son where he should "consider looking" and what he'd do if he found xyz?

Agree totally. I'd be very happy for someone to prevent a loved one getting scammed like this. Blocking the email is a stop gap, he'll find another route. You need to cut off the end goal via the bank.

BeadedBubbles · 20/01/2024 23:59

LonginesPrime · 20/01/2024 23:27

(By definition if she has fallen for a very obvious scam then she is not compus mentis…)

So every victim of a scam should lose the ability to make decisions for themselves?

There's a big difference between someone who falls for a scam and then realises/accepts what has happened and someone like the lady in question who has been told this is a scam by her son and presumably the police and Action Fraud (as they have been involved) yet still refuses to accept that someone she has never met or spoken to has romantic feelings for her and she needs to send them huge sums of money. I'd say the latter really isn't of sound mind.

Original poster
StopTheGreyness · 21/01/2024 00:00

So a mixed response, which is as I expected, it's a difficult one. Thanks for the replies.
For reference, the matter has already been reported to the police, as mentioned in the OP.

Discussing this woman's private life, even with her son, is a breach of her confidentiality and we cannot do that. We can listen to what he says but we cannot discuss anything he doesn't already know with him.
I am a partner in the business, I work for it and see all the devices that come to us, it is not breaching confidentiality for DH to discuss anything to do with the business with me.
DH had to read the correspondence as the lady concerned had asked about it and wanted some knowledge about it - I can't go into any more details. When the son rang it became more clear what was going on.
People have some bizarre ideas. Selling someone a laptop is in no way facilitating a fraud, anyone attempting to sue us for that would be on a loser. We have no knowledge of the future and would not benefit from any future fraud that might take place. People chuck the idea of suing people around too easily. Who would sue us - the lady that was willingly giving her money away or her family that the money didn't belong to?

I have had an elderly relative preyed upon and they gave a lot of money away so I know exactly how it feels, it's terrible that these situations are allowed to happen. My DH and I would help in any way we could within reason. However, I am not willing to breach the law or leave our business at risk so it would have to be in a way that did neither of those things.

OP posts:
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