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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

meeting up with an old school friend

27 replies

Flute56 · 20/01/2024 21:25

I recently got in touch with an old school friend via facebook. We messaged and she said she would love to meet up with me. That was before Christmas. We said we would arrange something in the new year. I never heard back from her about it so I messaged her and said do you still want to meet up and she said yes I would love to but I am not well. I have a chest infection.

Before she said that I messaged her and said hi Happy New Year let me know when it is ok for you to meet up and she totally ignored that message. She read it but never replied to say she was ill and it was only a few days after when I messaged her again she confirmed she was unwell. I did the decent thing and wrote back and said get well soon. She saw thaat message and did not say thannk you. If someone said that to me I would say thank you. Makes me wish I had not bothered

OP posts:
Riverlee · 20/01/2024 21:31

I think you are investing too much into this. The call us in her court.

GreyhpundGirl · 20/01/2024 21:32

People are flakey. Let her contact you.

Fluffyfleece · 20/01/2024 21:33

Tbh I don't like speaking to people when I'm unwell

TheSlantedOwl · 20/01/2024 21:34

Leave it now. Let her get in contact and move things forwards if she wants to. She may have changed her mind and not want to meet, in which case shrug your shoulders and move on.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/01/2024 21:34

Just leave it now, she's not that fussed and it'll only end up being frustrating or hurtful for you.

noisygit · 20/01/2024 21:37

I don't spend much time on people like this. Find someone who shares the same values as you.

MarIeyG · 20/01/2024 21:38

I think for a brand new friendship you're being a bit much sorry...

Ellysetta · 20/01/2024 21:40

Your friend is ill. Stop being so self-centred and send her a non-demanding”hope you’re ok” message

Maddy70 · 20/01/2024 21:41

Leave her alone. Sounds like she liked the idea but the reality of meeting is too much for her maybe she has anxiety or now she said she does want to meet has cold feet. Leave it in her court. If she wants it she will get in touch

QueSyrahSyrah · 20/01/2024 21:52

How did the initial contact come about? If you initiated it then perhaps she was just being polite to chat and catch up but wasn't actually that invested in the idea of meeting.

KarenNotAKaren · 20/01/2024 21:53

My reckoning: she had a fleeting wave of nostalgia about school days so decided to rekindle a friendship but then realised life, being a different person and lack of time got in the way so is bombing the idea off

Original poster
Flute56 · 21/01/2024 00:04

The contact came about because I met another old school friend. The old school friend that I met mentioned another mutual friend of ours and said to me I would love to know what xxxx is doing now. My school has a facebook page so I decided to go on and ask if anyone knew of the mutual friends whereabouts and the mutual friend saw it and replied. I then messaged the mutual friend and told her that I had met up with our other old mutual school friend and she seemed interested and said to me how is she etc. Then she said I would love to catch up with youd and meet what is going on with you and your life so I said yes lets meet and she said that would be wonderful. Then she said to me lets meet sometime in the New Year. So as you can see, it initially came from her. Then as we are half way through January I decided to ask her if she had any idea when she might be free and she never cane back to me with a definitive answer and then when I asked her if she still wanted to meet she said yes definately but i am unwell at the moment. If that was me i would have said I will get back to you when i am feeling better. To be honest if she has had second thoughts about it i would have said something like well i am a bit busy at the moment but I will let you know when I am free.

I will leave her to it and if she never comes back to me about it then I will forget about the whole thing. Just for the record, the mutual friend that I did meet, I decided not to meet her again or keep in touch. We had a plesant meet but our lives are very different and we have nothing in common

OP posts:
RubberyChicken · 21/01/2024 01:01

KarenNotAKaren · 20/01/2024 21:53

My reckoning: she had a fleeting wave of nostalgia about school days so decided to rekindle a friendship but then realised life, being a different person and lack of time got in the way so is bombing the idea off

This, I don't think she wants to meet, I'd drop it

purpleme12 · 21/01/2024 01:17

Well I wouldn't really expect a reply to get well soon.
But she's obviously shown she's one of those people who says something and then sacks it off.
Like other people have said the ball's in her court now so you need to accept it probably won't happen and leave it

DogLover24 · 21/01/2024 01:19

You sound really intense and overbearing if I'm being honest.

BalletBob · 21/01/2024 01:25

She's got a chest infection and probably feels absolutely dreadful. Of course she's not prioritising sending a message to someone she went to school with and hasn't seen for donkeys years.

If she still wants to meet up, I'm sure she'll be in touch when she's better.

pizzaHeart · 21/01/2024 01:29

I suspect the amount of people who said at least once in their life “Let’s meet up soon/in a New Year/ sometime” is
very close to the whole UK population. And the amount of people who do this regularly make a very high proportion of the population. So I would just leave the ball in her court and wait.
I wouldn’t judge her for not thanking you by the way, she could be busy coughing or whatever at that moment and then just decided not to answer as the moment has gone. Or she was just tired and unwell and wanted to end the conversation, someone should.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 21/01/2024 01:40

I looked up an old school friend and organised to meet.
She seemed keen to meet up, and we organised a date, but just before she messaged me to explain she was going into rehab, due to alcohol issues. I appreciated her honesty and directness, she could easily have made an excuse. People have stuff going on in their lives that you don't always know. Let her contact you if she wants

Original poster
Flute56 · 21/01/2024 01:47

I am not intense anymore because I am not going to contact her again. If she contacts me then ok but i have other people in my life to concern myself with. I just thought it would be nice to meet someone again that I knew from school. My school did try to organise a school reunion and only 4 of us turned up lol. They did organise a second one and quite a few turned up but i was not able to attend that because of a prior engagement

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 21/01/2024 03:17

Just leave it, don't be pushy

blackpanth · 21/01/2024 03:23

Don't bother unless she messages

Ownedbykitties · 21/01/2024 07:13

The woman is ill! Have you never felt ill yourself? I'm amazed !

Createausername1970 · 21/01/2024 08:19

DogLover24 · 21/01/2024 01:19

You sound really intense and overbearing if I'm being honest.

Yes, it does sound a bit intense in OPs part.

I have arrangements to meet friends "in the new year" but generally that doesn't mean during the first two weeks of January! I haven't long wrestled the Xmas tree back up into the loft and I am still catching up with a laundry back log, so meeting someone I haven't seen for years would be something to look forward to, but maybe once it gets a bit warmer, especially if I have to travel to do it.

Leave it be and let her contact you in her own time.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/01/2024 08:25

When she said "In the new year" she may have meant "sometime in 2024". Lots of people make vague social plans because they sort of like the idea but...not now. Or in the near future. Or at any date they would be committing to now. I would just leave it alone - she knows where you are if she actually wants to meet up.

ConflictedCheetah · 21/01/2024 08:25

Given the high number of threads on here with people (including me) suffering from an absolutely awful chest infection, not being able to sleep, on multiple rounds of antibiotics and generally feeling like death warmed up, I'm not surprised your friend is being non-committal about when she might meet up. She's ill and again if anything like the rest of us who've had it, just can't picture when she might be well enough to go out.

You're being way too invested and pushy and also way too over sensitive because she didn't reply to your 'get well soon' message. No response was needed!