Is 10 a really annoying age?

[krakowpow]

My daughter turned 10 in October and I'm finding her so difficult at the moment. She switches between being really teenagery and grumpy and going silent to jumping about like a five year old/acting really childlike.

She wants constant attention and I give her as much as I can but it's still not good enough for her.

I took her out shopping today and for a nice lunch, a girls day. During the shopping trip for no apparent reason she went silent on me and refused to speak or tell me what was wrong. This happened twice and each time she snapped out of it after 15 minutes or so of me leaving it.

Then tonight, she came home, called her friends and played with them for a bit on Roblox. Ten mins ago I put on a film and she came down and started jumping around in front of the tv. I said 'right sarah, that's enough, I'm trying to watch this'. Upstairs she storms, I shouted, 'you're welcome to stay down and watch this with me but I don't want you jumping around'. She ignored me.

She has now text me from upstairs saying I could have said it nicer and I am so grumpy lately.

Maybe I am grumpy, I'm under an immense amount of stress at the moment and not feeling great mentally but am trying my best.

I'm just really struggling with this age. I can almost tolerate the moodiness but it's the childlike attention seeking I just can't stand. It's almost like she has regressed when she behaves in that way.

AIBU to think 10 is fucking challenging? Was I unreasonable to ask her not to jump around in front of the tv at almost 9 pm at night whilst I'm trying to watch a film after we had been out all day?

My 10/11 year old seems to go out of her way to be annoying she drives me mad.

So, you're both grumpy, but only your grumpiness is valid?

Where did I say that her grumpiness isn't valid? I have no idea if it is as she won't speak to me about it!

My 10yo son is the same OP. Trying to be a teenager one minute then acting like his 7yo brother the next. He's also quite emotional so wondering whether it's some sort of weird growing phase / onset of hormonal changes.

Is there such a thing as peri-puberty?!

@krakowpow I suppose she's at that age where her hormones are starting to affect her moods and she's probably feeling it and maybe worried about growing up, hence the silly childlike behaviour.

I teach year 5 and can honestly say...absolutely.

My son surely gave me PTSD at that age. Following me around, lots of jumping up and down near me, coming into my room constantly. Torture. He was so incredibly intense as well.
Thankfully, age 12, he's started to ignore me.
I think the best thing to do is put as many boundaries, with consequences for breaking, that you can.
Remind yourself it isn't personal. She's a child and they can be like tyrants, especially to their parents.
It's so hard because our nervous system is reacting to what seems like a threat to us.

I don’t think ten in a particularly hard age.

I do think a ten year old should be in bed by nine o’clock, and if she isn’t then of course she starts acting up.

Why were you sitting down watching a movie when your daughter wasn’t yet in bed? Why was she “welcome to watch a movie” at nine pm?

She’s overtired.

No judgment, but could it have something to do with having a phone? If I let my DD have too much screen time she gets really restless and difficult.

Yeah 10 is super annoying. The start of preteen hormones and they're a weird mix of trying to be cool and teenagery but also still wanting your attention and to be a kid so they act really silly. My eldest was an angel when she was little then very very irritating (but still gorgeous) from about 9-11 and now at 16 she's the best person in the world

@EEllysetta

It is Saturday night.. children usually do stay up later .. no school in morning.

Op is she showing signs of puberty?
These days girls are starting their periods younger and younger. Although l was exactly 10 when l started mine 55 years ago.
I think it's hormones.. both my daughters were like this.. wanting to be grown up one minute.. then still wanting to be very child like the next.. wanting cuddles etc.

I feel your pain! I have a just turned 11yo and feel like she's part-toddler and part-teenager. She's constantly complaining I told her to do something in a grumpy voice when to me it didn't sound grumpy at all. Or I will tell her to do something politely, only for her to ignore me. She also often gets very irritable and frustrated.

I think it's perhaps a difficult age with the transition to high school coming up. DD often says she doesn't want to grow up and would much rather be 7 again.

My DD is 9 and the hormones are definitely having an affect on her attitude. That said, she doesn’t have a phone and is in bed around 8. That’s how I cope I guess. I still have an evening and I avoid all the stress allowing them a phone brings.

Oh god, I hear you op.

My 9 year old Y5 was just extremely rude to the babysitter for the first time ever and stormed off and locked her bedroom door. Ruder than her brother who has SEN that makes him a bit insensitive to his own tone of voice.

She's very small and not going through puberty but I think emotionally preparing herself for big changes ahead and expected to be more grown up at school.

I'm not looking forward to hormones!

Another Year 5 teacher here…. And yes, quite a tricky age.
The huge surge in testosterone for the boys is certainly kicking in.
The girls want to be teenagers but also like the security of being a child which is tricky for them to navigate.
Generally, they are wearing me out.

Jeez. I feel really sad reading this.

I agree with EEllysetta

I have a 9 & 11yo, both get silly at that time and I also need some time to myself.

I'd maybe let the 11yo read until 9.30 (quietly in her room), but I check out of parenting at about 8.30! Everyone needs a bit of space. Phone is also off at 7 and never upstairs.

I would apologise for being grumpy, but explain that it is now quiet time.

My 10 year old is similar. She is definitely having some new and big feelings. She keeps saying she feels 'wierd' and is asking some really existential questions!
She's walking to school and back home alone now, popping to the shop etc. lots of new steps and independence.
Yet she also still needs me to come to the loo with her and often lay in bed with her at bed time.
They're right in the middle of a huge development and puberty is starting so hormones are kicking in.
It's hard to find the energy to get parenting 'right' at every moment so don't be hard on yourself and remember as long as you keep an open dialogue, and show her you are human too, you'll get through it together x

Pmsl 🤣

How dare you let your 10yo watch a movie with you at 9pm on a Saturday op! How neglectful 😂

Yes I agree with all this. My DD is 11 next month and the hormones have been everywhere this year. She is generally a polite, happy kid but testing the boundaries a bit definitely.

Oh and her bedtime is 10pm on a weekend

When you say 'jumping round in front of the TV' Do you mean doing little a 'watch me do this thing' that kids do? Because that makes a difference. If she thought she was doing something to entertain you and you've shut her down, then you've hurt her feelings.
10 year olds do try to act older and more mature sometimes, but they are still kids and still want to play. Unfortunately, because they know how to use a phone and like shopping etc, grown ups expect them to grow up too quickly imo. You need to play with her and be silly, rather than just doing girly lunches and watching films.