Is 10 a really annoying age?

[krakowpow]

My daughter turned 10 in October and I'm finding her so difficult at the moment. She switches between being really teenagery and grumpy and going silent to jumping about like a five year old/acting really childlike.

She wants constant attention and I give her as much as I can but it's still not good enough for her.

I took her out shopping today and for a nice lunch, a girls day. During the shopping trip for no apparent reason she went silent on me and refused to speak or tell me what was wrong. This happened twice and each time she snapped out of it after 15 minutes or so of me leaving it.

Then tonight, she came home, called her friends and played with them for a bit on Roblox. Ten mins ago I put on a film and she came down and started jumping around in front of the tv. I said 'right sarah, that's enough, I'm trying to watch this'. Upstairs she storms, I shouted, 'you're welcome to stay down and watch this with me but I don't want you jumping around'. She ignored me.

She has now text me from upstairs saying I could have said it nicer and I am so grumpy lately.

Maybe I am grumpy, I'm under an immense amount of stress at the moment and not feeling great mentally but am trying my best.

I'm just really struggling with this age. I can almost tolerate the moodiness but it's the childlike attention seeking I just can't stand. It's almost like she has regressed when she behaves in that way.

AIBU to think 10 is fucking challenging? Was I unreasonable to ask her not to jump around in front of the tv at almost 9 pm at night whilst I'm trying to watch a film after we had been out all day?

@Winnipeggy I'm wondering why it makes you feel sad?

No one said it was neglectful 🙄Of it's working for you, then great!

But why have a child up, being a pain and annoying everyone when they could be in bed? Surely it makes more sense to bring their evening to an end earlier and end on a happy note?

And personally (just me perhaps) I don't want to watch a film suitable for a 10yo on my Saturday night! I do that between 7-9pm, then I want the TV to myself.

@Unthetheredsoul i think the words you use to describe your son, it honestly sounds like you don't like him at all. It's just that I have a 2 year old and it makes me think at what age might I start to feel this way, and it makes me sad.

I have a 10 year old DD and I honestly don’t understand her most of the time 🤣🤣 Absolutely love her but it’s like having 2 kids in one
one day I have a child then next a grown up I can’t keep up🙈🤣

@Winnipeggy there certainly were times when I didn't like him, hated him even. We are getting on really well now and thank God that is in the past. I do love him and want the best for him.

I wouldn't want go through it again, but I do feel empathy with others, such as the OP who is currently in the thick of it.

It's interesting that you have no sympathy for me, the mother and that it makes you feel sad because it sounded to you like I didn't like him. So perhaps you might prefer to think it's me that's lacking. Well, I've been through hell with parenting (single) in general and here I am daring to say that. It's all good at the moment but I'm not finished parenting yet.

It's frightening to think our children can do that to us - cause is terrible misery and frustration - because we are supposed to think they are some kind of saint. They aren't and can't be, just like I can't fulfill the role of saintly mother.

Your experience might be totally different, perhaps it will be more smooth sailing. I hope so.

It wasn't personal, it was selfish even, just my gut reaction. I do have empathy for you, and wish nothing but the best.

I have a nine year old and something has changed. He's a very smart boy, but needs a rocket up his bum to do anything. I have to ask him multiple times and he only moves when I shout at him and he gets stroppy and reluctant.

Then he keeps playing whack a mole with the furniture, keeps bashing things and doing karate moves at everything. He acts like a teenager already.

He is a delight, but I miss him when he was curious about everything and sweet.

@Ellysetta I look a good joke on a Saturday night 😂

I am in bed exhausted so this is a place mark and I will RTFT and reply properly tomorrow - but my son turned 10 in October also, and I find him soooo irritating. He also does the going silent for periods of time thing like he’s punishing me for something?!

Like I said will reply properly tomorrow but solidarity!!

My 10yo is similar except for being hyper. She floats between being a grumpy teenager and being my best friend! And I can NEVER guess which one she is and it can change within about 5 minutes!

Hormones. It’s hard being a girl, their bodies are changing and I think is adults can forget how hard puberty was

@Winnipeggy thank you. It's a though old game, this parenting lark.

It's completely mental, more emotions than you could possibly deal with tbh. I really hope you and your son are on a smoother path ❤️

I am an ex primary school teacher and I found that about half way through year 5 and in year 6 this change is really noticeable. I regularly spoke to colleagues about it who noticed it too.

You start to get a lot of eye rolling, speaking with "attitude" while insisting they're not and often being really unkind in friendship groups etc.

I personally also remember being that age and my mum constantly telling me I was being moody or snapping at her and although looking back I know she was right, at the time I genuinely thought I was speaking normally.

I can only assume that all the hormones and anger were coming out unintentionally and our relationship became really strained. She obviously wondered what happened to her previously nice child and I felt like she was constantly digging at me and telling me off.

I remember feeling like I would say something completely normally and my mum would tell me I was being rude.

I don't have an answer but I do think it's very common at this age.

It really depends on wake up time. Even my one year old wasn’t sleeping by 9 tonight.

My 10 year old boy is in an interesting phase as well, I've been getting some mild teenagerish talking back - not foul mouthed, just nit-picky. Like if I say "it's half past 8 guys, we have to go now!" he'll look at the clock, say "it's not half past, it's only 29 minutes past" and stay velcroed to the sofa.

One minute he's far too grown up to be concerned with his annoying five year old brother, next minute he's playing beautifully with him, next minute they're fighting like cats and dogs because the 10 year old is taking over the five year old's "babyish" toys.

Poor things are stuck between being little kids and being teenagers and their hormones are starting to kick in, I think.

But why have a child up, being a pain and annoying everyone when they could be in bed?

My children are both annoying intermittently throughout the day. Should I just make them stay in their rooms til they are 16/18?

Are you asking if sending a 10yo to bed at 9pm, when they are showing signs of being tired, is the same as leaving them in their rooms all day?

If you need an answer to that you probably shouldn't be allowed to parent any children.

The OP said her child has been acting up all day (and I presume every other day too)

9pm isn’t late at all, especially at the weekend. And most definitely not for a 10 year old!

Probably when he's about 4 and starts getting all up in your grill 24/7

I've had one of these, it still goes on. It's like living with multiple personalities, I never quite know which one I'm going to get.

If I say its black, she would say its white, well just because.

I've learnt I know absolutely nothing and she knows absolutely everything, even if she's wrong, when she discovers the right way she will have known that way all along

It's wearing, testing, exhausting and infuriating to say the least....

Today we have one her alter egos: the always right, hissy fit, drama queen, door banging, screeching one. Is it bedtime yet?!

When I started teaching, we called Year 6 "4th year Juniors" and "4th-yearitis" was a known phenomenon even then; more common among the girls than the boys, but this changed over the years.
Part of it is the growing awareness that they are, for the moment, the big fish in the little pond, and although they would never admit it, apprehensive about the coming transition to high school.
It can be a confusing time, and I guess home is the safe space where they can let off steam - but it doesn't make it any easier!

It's definitely a thing OP. It usually starts to fizzle out during the first year of secondary school as they're approaching 12 years old.

Do they get brought down to earth with a bump?@

Completely annoying pains on the ass at this age