To think DH could have done a bit more

[Mumof2NDers]

So DH and I both work FT. He’s home by 2:15, I’m usually home by about 6:30.
I get stuff in for tea on my way home(if we have nothing in) which adds about 30 minutes onto my day.
DH will wash the dishes (always leaves the cutlery in the dirty water?) and hoover the living/dining room. Then he takes the dog out for about 3 hours.
He cooks tea while I tidy up.
Since DF passed away 3 years ago I spend my Saturdays with DM. Taking her for her food shop and a look round the shops.
Sundays I do the big house clean, the washing and ironing and cook a roast dinner.
The dog has a cut paw at the moment and can’t be walked. DH has done no more than usual in the house.
AIBU to think he could’ve done a bit more so I could’ve had a bit of a break on Sunday?

Did you make your expectations clear?

No I didn’t. I just thought (stupidly) that he might just think about me and do a bit more.

He takes the dog out for THREE HOURS?!?

Can't you both do a regular shop once a week so he can have dinner cooked and lunches done for when you get home, then you do the washing up while he takes the dog out.

I think yabu. Sounds like he does his fair share so why not enjoy his bonus free time.

@Dotchange

“He takes the dog out for THREE HOURS?!?”

i thought same. What dog walks for three hours, unless he goes via the pub! Dogs do not need a three hour walk every day. Sounds like he’s avoiding housework etc…

I’m not disputing he does his fair share. But the dog walks for 3 hours are his choice, that’s what he chooses to do with his spare time. The dog wouldn’t be arsed if he never went out 😀.
If he’d done a bit more in just one of the 4 days he could’ve shared the love and we both might have got a bit of a break

I do need to organise myself re the shopping!
He does 30 minutes in the house then takes the dog straight out because it gets dark early.

This is another argument, one I’ve given up on. I’ve said til I’m blue in the face the dog does not need to be out for 3 hours!!
He meets up with his dog walker mates and lager is usually involved ( not every day) but at least a couple a week.

Give yourself a break, just clean the essentials this week and skip the roast dinner. Maybe forget the ironing too.

What time does he start work at if he finishes at 2? and what time does he go to bed?

I think he toes his fair share. He seems to do most of the chores in the week and you do the clean at the weekend. Sounds good.
I do think you can make your life easier by getting a weekly shop delivered though. It would save you 2.5 hours a week.

Yes he could have done more but why are you doing that to yourself every Sunday.

Why not set a load of laundry to finish by the time he comes home during the week and he hangs it out / puts it in the tumble dryer. Your clothes Monday, his Tuesday, towels on Wed etc do you actually need to iron?? And if so make him do his stuff and you do yours.

Sort out your food for the week/food that can be cooked from frozen or tell him to walk the dog via a supermarket and pick up dinner !

Surely if Saturdays are reserved for your mother, Sunday is the day you should be spending together having fun or seeing friends? Well that's my view anyway.

But yes he could have had some initiative and helped out but I'm guessing it's all just routine now

He starts at 6. He goes to bed about 10:30.
On the whole I’m not bothered about how much he does or that he takes the dog out for 3 hours. Just this week he’s had a lot more free time and didn’t even think of doing a bit more to help me out.
Partly my own fault I suppose , if I’d asked him to he probably would’ve done it but I shouldn’t have to ask. He’s just a little bit thoughts all round when I think about it. 🤦‍♀️

Yeah. I have no issues with how things work usually. It’s just that he’s had 3 hours spare over 4 days and could’ve done just a little bit more just in one day.
Going to start a weekly click and collect I think 🤔

How does he do his fair share?

We couldn’t possibly organise anything on a Sunday that would interfere with his dog walk! 🙄😀.
I think that’s quite true about the routine. He does what he does and doesn’t think beyond that! He’s a good egg otherwise so I’m not going to nag 😂

She isn't his parent. He is quite clearly able and should be able to see what needs doing.

Yes he could have done something extra in the week. Surely it is give and takes?

If you are taking your mum shopping, why don't you do your shop at the same time?

By meeting his mates and going to the pub with the dog

This! Why are so many people saying to tell him what needs doing, he’s a bloody adult and should KNOW what needs doing.

In all honesty.. Once a month I do a big shop ( it seems to last 2 minutes) but later in the month when money is tighter I shop for what we need. I know it’s not the best way but it’s a habit I’ve fallen in to.
I need to change that.

How is he doing his fair share when the OP does the big house clean, all the washing and ironing?
They share the day to day stuff during the week but the OP is doing the bulk of it on Sundays

He just doesn’t seem to see it? Or care about it as much as I do?
Or he’s acting daft to get away with shit!

He doesn't do most of the chores during the week.

OP does shopping for food which adds 30 mins to her day. She does the evening tidying up of the place.

He makes tea and washes up (but bizarrely leaves parts of it soaking) and hoovers the main room.

They do similar amounts during the week.
Then in the weekend he does sweet fa whilst she died the big clean of the whole house. Bathrooms, toilets, kitchen, hoovering and dusting.
All the laundry.
All the ironing.
How in sweet Jesus do you think he is doing his fair share?

Goodness knows but there’s no way I’d put with my DH having to be guided in what he needs to do around the house. We have a tick list of what needs done every week, skirtings, mirrors, glass on doors (a bit like a cleaning schedule) we have a separate one for monthly jobs, hoovering under furniture etc. and we tick it off when one of us has done it as we’re not always at home to do it on the same day. Day to day we have a routine of washing, hoovering floors, bathrooms, laundry etc.