To wish they would stop this nonsense.

[Beastlylittleparasite]

Bit of a culture clash with family. I live very differently to them. They’re all 1 person to a four/five bed house type people. Very materialistic. They’re nice people don’t get me wrong but huge workaholics and very flashy with everything from holidays to cars. They all drive very expensive cars.
i live in a small house, cute but modest semi and I don’t even have a car I dont want one and don’t need one. I live In the perfect location to not need a car because school/ drs/ hospital , leisure centre and shopping centre are all within 10 mins walk. Even for holidays I catch a tube and I’m where I need to be for further travel.
so why, oh why do I constantly get told I need a car? I promise I never ask for lifts off them ever, if I need to travel by car say to a funeral or something I book a taxi.
i do absolutely everything independently, none of them have even ever babysat for me or helped with house moves or emergencies or anything. We meet 3/4 times a year for a meal and a catchup. It’s a good two years since theyv even been to my home or vice versa. So I could understand if I was asking them for lifts or something but I never ever do.
every time I see or speak to them I’m informed I need a car. Why? Can anyone suggest why they think my life is somehow incomplete because I don’t have a lump of metal on my driveway and I have to occasionally sit on a bus or train?
I'm missing something?

Maybe they see your lack of car as a criticism of them somehow?

Personally, I value the time on a bus or train or tube where I can sit and read with no real interruptions.

If you have a car and need it, it's hard to comprehend how some people don't tbh - it might be that? Perhaps they pick up on your judgement of their lifestyle, so are judgemental about yours?

Can you drive?

@girlfriend44 yeah I was made to do it at 17 like everyone else. I had a car for 2 years then just gave it away because o found it a bit pointless and stressful and kept getting tickets for bad parking. After that I moved again into the suburbs that are really well served by Public transport so I never bothered again. I only work 2 days a week out of the house so I am indoors a lot more than the average person I suppose.

I don't get what their houses have to do with anything.

Yanbu in that it's annoying when people keep repeating themselves (about anything)

But I can understand their "what? How?" mentality.

We spent years without a car.... Now I have one I just can't fathom what I ever did B.C. (before car)
🤷‍♀️
And our car is a basic bitch one....

@GreatGateauxsby I think it was a clumsy way of explaining that I’m a bit of an outlier and that they have lifestyle standards and views that I don’t. My lifestyle is very very basic and there’s is quite luxurious. See I hated having a car and felt relieved when it was gone and I didn’t have to find that money each month. I’m probably a bit odd, but it’s my business and the no car thing seems to keep resurfacing like it’s not acceptable to live in a tiny house and have no car they definitely look down on me a bit.

Tell them you’ve bought a car and point to a random one outside the window and now can everyone please change the subject.

Do they live somewhere with bad public transport links? If so this is might colour their view?
I live in rural Norfolk, public transport is appalling so I would struggle massively without a car. I do think twice if someone mentioned not having a car/licence...but then I remember that they probably live somewhere with better public transport links.

But I can understand their "what? How?" mentality.

Presumably the OP has explained to them (probably multiple times) why she doesn't need a car though.

I don't much like driving, and cars eat money. If I had everything including a tube station within 10 minutes' walk, I might not have a car either. Unfortunately the downside of living in a lovely rural area with poor public transport is that I need to drive everywhere.

I don't have a car never have ( used to be a big biker). Myself and my daughters ( before they left home).. single parent..traveled and took holidays and breaks and days out all over the UK and abroad.. even a 6 hour train ride to Scotland for an holiday.
They still do it now as single parents with their kids .
It's very doable

I don’t drive either. We live in London, cycle, and we have car seats if we need to get a taxi anywhere. We pay for first class train travel for long distances and it’s so much nicer than being in a car. People I know get weird about it too. Just remember: it’s more about them than you. Just smile and continue as you are.

@OrigamiOwls yes theyre a bit further out than I am. It would be harder for me to get away with my lifestyle choices in their area. But I understand that. I think they’re a bit in a bubble and don’t see that I’m very very happy and privileged in different ways. My lifestyle suits me because of my own personal preference and personality quirks. They’re huge fun and great to chat to and stuff I like them but I think they think I’m odd and lack aspiration in some ways.

You could tell the you're not allowed anymore after the incident then refuse to talk about it anymore?

I got rid of my car last year, because I only used it once a month. I totally get you. I got a lot of comments about how “dependent” i’d get without a car. Especially from my Mil, who doesn’t even drive herself 🙄.

I guess it’s becoming one of those things like breast/formulafeeding and veganism/carnivorism .. where people feel like you’re making a judgement about them just because you choose the other path.

@Pootles34 oh god they’d think I’d done something awful. I’d be the talk of every family event for decades 🤣

I have nothing useful to add but @PuppyMonkey and @Pootles34 posts really made me laugh 😂

@DutchCowgirl insightful perspective. Yes, it’s possible that they’re assuming I’m making a political statement rather than just being lazy and trying to keep my responsibilities and financial obligations to a minimum.

I like Pootles idea and every time they talked about you or stopped and looked shocked I would be chuckling inside at whatever they were imagining.

YANBU but I’ve seen Mumsnetters being incredibly cross and disdainful of anyone who cant drive - wouldn’t date a non driver, think women who don’t drive aren’t independent etc - so unfortunately it’s not an unusual attitude.

DP drives but I don’t and when I was single I never found the lack of a car any problem at all. When I lived in London none of my friends had cars either. I don’t think it even cross anyone’s mind! I now live in a city with excellent transport and if I wasn’t with DP, there’s pretty much nothing I’d want a car for even if I could drive.

@Waitingfordoggo yes same! I love their ideas.

Love Pootles suggestion. I might be tempted to lecture them about the environment. Bore them into submission.

@bibliomania 🤣 I’d get ripped to shreds. I avoid anything remotely confrontational or political with them. They’re very sure of themselves. I turn up, make polite small talk and try to get away before anyone starts asking questions as a rule. I’m a self confessed wimp and pacifist in every respect. Give me a book and a blanket and let me sit in the sunny window rather than speak to people any day. im a diligent recycler, thrifter, vegetable grower and rarely fly anywhere so by many people’s standards Im eco leaning. Never would I dream of spouting off about it though. I don’t have the gall 🤣

My sister learnt to drive and bought a car due to repeated comments from friends and acquaintances. They made her feel like she was a failure on some level because she didn’t drive even though she ordered her life so she didn’t need a car.

She had no one to practice driving with so had to pay for extra lessons. She got so nervous at taking the tests so she had to have a few before passing. And she was looking to buy at the worst time, as prices rocketed post-COVID. She finds that the concentration involved makes driving a stressful experience. I’m not sure driving has enhanced her life.

It is sad that people can’t accept that other people make different choices from them. The unpleasant comments I see expressed on Mumsnet about non-drivers mean I will never accept any offer of a lift.

Some people really do think that you are judging them and their choices if you make different ones. They might come across as sure of themselves but the fact that they need to have these showy aspirational lifestyles and have you fit in in order to justify their own choices, suggests that actually you have more self confidence than they do.

The truly sophisticated do what they like not what they think other people think they should like.