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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he is some kind of Gigolo

40 replies

Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 13:33

I have been seeing this very handsome man for some time (almost 3 years). Although I have broke it off for a while in-between as I feel he has a sociopathic side to him and not necessarily someone I want to be with long term and I didn't want to waste my time and miss out on meeting someone else.

Anyway it seems hard for us to stay away from each other and end up seeing eachother again. However, he has made a very bad financial decision that is going to cost him a lot of money. I spoke to him about this when he told me about it but he was undenial. However, he now realises and is trying to get out of it.

Now back to the point - he knows that I do not want to sleep with him if he is sleeping with anyone else and he has always been fine with it. However, recently he told me he wants to end it which made me think he is sleeping with someone else. An older lady who with is not hurting financially has flirted with him for many years but he has never given in to her. Up until now. I can't say the evidence I have as it would be outing.

I have only recently found out about this and he has been calling me and messaging (he doesn't know that I know about it). My gut is telling me that he is going to use this woman for financial gain some how and he is playing on her attraction to him and as soon as he's gotten out of his "mess" he will drop like a hot sack of spuds. All the while trying to keep me there.

My gut is never been wrong especially when it comes to him.

OP posts:
K37529 · 20/01/2024 13:38

I would stop worrying about who he's with and what he is doing and move on. You don't trust him, you describe him as a sociopath, why would you want to pursue this

Olika · 20/01/2024 13:45

I would just let him go. He doesn't sound like a man you can build future with. You have already wasted 3 years of your life.

Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 13:57

@Olika My time wasn't wasted, we had some great times. If I had met someone else in that time then I probably would have ended it with him so I can't say it was wasted.

OP posts:
Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 13:58

My question is more on your thoughts of the older lady.

OP posts:
Harrietsaunt · 20/01/2024 14:02

Well we can’t possibly know can we?

All I can advise is that you dump and block and move on with your life.

LifeExperience · 20/01/2024 14:02

Why would you want to be with a man who has such low morals that he would deceive a wealthy woman into supporting him? That's reprehensible! Bin him; he's not worth your or anyone else's time.

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 20/01/2024 14:03

Do you believe he will ask her for money?
She might give him money or she might not.
Lots of people, whether a sociopath or not have entered into relationships with people partly because of their wealth and so I don't think that you can do much about it, even if you are right.

nadine90 · 20/01/2024 14:13

I would say the fact this is playing on your mind is reason enough to end things. You don’t see a future with him and you are not having fun so what’s the point? None of us are psychic so unless the woman in question is on here and recognises the situation in your post, we can’t give the answer you’re looking for.

Grimmz · 20/01/2024 14:17

So he's a sociopath who makes bad financial decisions and sleeps with other women while keeping you on the side? Sounds like a keeper

MrsMarzetti · 20/01/2024 14:25

What is your issue ? You know what he is. So set your bar, are you going to continue being used by him or are you going to find some self respect and have nothing more to do with him ? Your choice to make.

OneTC · 20/01/2024 14:25

Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 13:58

My question is more on your thoughts of the older lady.

If it's as you reported then he's a fucking weasel and why are you even asking or wondering?

Bluevelvetsofa · 20/01/2024 14:27

The older lady can presumably look after herself.

Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 14:36

He is not using me as he has already ended it as he knows I do not want to sleep with him if he is sleeping with someone else. However, once he has got what he wanted from the other woman, i know he will try to come back.

OP posts:
GreyhpundGirl · 20/01/2024 14:43

Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 14:36

He is not using me as he has already ended it as he knows I do not want to sleep with him if he is sleeping with someone else. However, once he has got what he wanted from the other woman, i know he will try to come back.

So then tell him that ship has sailed and get on with your life.

Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 14:51

@Bluevelvetsofa Yes I'm sure she can look after herself although I'm not sure she is aware that he has an ulterior motive.

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 20/01/2024 14:53

Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 14:36

He is not using me as he has already ended it as he knows I do not want to sleep with him if he is sleeping with someone else. However, once he has got what he wanted from the other woman, i know he will try to come back.

Well, just tell him to jog on if he comes crawling back to you. You don't HAVE to take him back, no matter how handsome he is.

blacksax · 20/01/2024 15:01

Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 14:36

He is not using me as he has already ended it as he knows I do not want to sleep with him if he is sleeping with someone else. However, once he has got what he wanted from the other woman, i know he will try to come back.

Oh well, welcome him back with open arms then. What could possibly go wrong?
Confused

rwalker · 20/01/2024 15:01

You know what he’s like
I think you like the drama you said yourself you wouldn’t want to be with him long time

who cares just move on

blackpanth · 20/01/2024 15:03

Dump him

Overtheatlantic · 20/01/2024 15:03

If you take him back just get yourself tested for STIs. I understand gonorrhoea is making the rounds. 😳

bastin · 20/01/2024 15:14

The reason you keep going back to each other is because it's the easy option

LakeWoebegon · 20/01/2024 15:19

Trust your spidey senses. Lots of red flags here.

Fluffyfleece · 20/01/2024 15:35

Don't think it matters, just move on. Your 'relationship' sounded very shallow.

I do want to watch American Gigolo now though.

JustTalkToThem · 20/01/2024 15:40

“My gut is never been wrong”

Lol…

tuvamoodyson · 20/01/2024 15:47

Shesellsseashellsatsea · 20/01/2024 14:36

He is not using me as he has already ended it as he knows I do not want to sleep with him if he is sleeping with someone else. However, once he has got what he wanted from the other woman, i know he will try to come back.

Well, it isn’t compulsory to take him back! 🤷‍♀️ dump him and be done!