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AIBU?

Can my daughter be adopted if her dad isn’t on the birth certificate?

24 replies

Adoptioqq · 19/01/2024 21:32

Dd’s dad refused to go on the birth certificate and even went so far as to ask for a dna test via cms. He’s been paying for Dd for 5 years now and seen her a couple of times two years ago. He is an unpleasant man.

I am in a relationship, together for nearly 4 years and we will be married in March. My fiancé would like to adopt dd. Does anyone know if this is possible without involving her dad given he is not on the birth certificate? I could contact him directly but he is a nasty piece of work and I don’t want to do that unless I have to.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

57 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
61%
You are NOT being unreasonable
39%
Adoptioqq · 19/01/2024 21:34

Just found the answer online!

OP posts:
RowanMayfair · 19/01/2024 21:36

No, he can't adopt her without telling the birth father if the birth father is known and acknowledges paternity. Birth certificate is irrelevant.

Mikkismum · 19/01/2024 21:44

Do you think he might consent to adoption given he would no longer have to pay child maintenance?

Adoptioqq · 19/01/2024 21:46

@Mikkismum yes I think he would, he pays quite a lot. And clearly does not give one jot about her. I just didn’t want to have to have any contact with him but it looks like I will have to.

OP posts:
DragonFly98 · 19/01/2024 21:55

Social services will contact him on your behalf you don't have to.

Tandora · 19/01/2024 21:58

Hi OP, if he’s not on the birth certificate he doesn’t have parental responsibility. In which case this advice seems to say he would not be contacted/ asked for consent:

As the child’s father you’ll be asked to agree to the adoption - but only if you have parental responsibility.
If you were never married to the child’s mother or named on the birth certificate, you can apply to the court for a Parental Responsibility Order to get parental responsibility.


So I don’t think you need to contact him?

https://www.gov.uk/child-adoption/birth-parents-your-rights

Mikkismum · 19/01/2024 22:00

Dealt with a similar situation via a solicitors letter rather than contacting him direct.

RowanMayfair · 19/01/2024 22:16

Tandora · 19/01/2024 21:58

Hi OP, if he’s not on the birth certificate he doesn’t have parental responsibility. In which case this advice seems to say he would not be contacted/ asked for consent:

As the child’s father you’ll be asked to agree to the adoption - but only if you have parental responsibility.
If you were never married to the child’s mother or named on the birth certificate, you can apply to the court for a Parental Responsibility Order to get parental responsibility.


So I don’t think you need to contact him?

https://www.gov.uk/child-adoption/birth-parents-your-rights

If the father is acknowledged then he needs to give consent to adoption. No judge will approve an adoption where there is a birth father involved in the child's life, even if only via paying maintenance.

Mumof3girlsandaboy · 19/01/2024 22:33

Hi Op just like others have said he will be contacted to give permission for adoption. My daughter was adopted by my husband when she was 6years old and I was asked to give details where about he was but he couldn’t be found as he had left uk and not sure where he went or his up to now and that really saved me headaches.

Darkenergy · 19/01/2024 22:45

If he doesn't agree to the adoption then there's virtually no chance of a judge agreeing to it. Adoption legally severs the relationship permanently so there has to be absolutely nothing worth preserving in the relationship and the ongoing financial contributions would be evidence against this. If he does agree you should be fine.

Tandora · 19/01/2024 23:27

RowanMayfair · 19/01/2024 22:16

If the father is acknowledged then he needs to give consent to adoption. No judge will approve an adoption where there is a birth father involved in the child's life, even if only via paying maintenance.

That’s odd that it’s not what the government advice says

RowanMayfair · 20/01/2024 02:00

Tandora · 19/01/2024 23:27

That’s odd that it’s not what the government advice says

Parental responsibility isn't the be all and end all in family law. If a father is acknowledged by the mother and especially if he has a relationship with the child then he will be treated as if he has PR. Conferring PR is the work of a moment for a judge and no judge will agree an adoption for a child without consulting the acknowledged father. It just won't happen
ETA unless there is a very strong reason not to but that would have to be an extraordinarily strong reason.

Ketzele · 20/01/2024 03:10

How can it possibly be legal to terminate his parental relationship with his child without consulting him? Think about the implications of that. Regardless of birth certificate, he does have a parental relationship because he pays child support.

I'm not advocating for him, by the way. But rightly or wrongly, the state can't just rip someone's parental rights off them because they've been a bit shit (they have to be extremely shit for that, and there has to be a legal process and a court of law).

WandaWonder · 20/01/2024 03:19

No you can't just randomly pick and choose who legally is a parent to a child you need legal advice

Wasywasydoodah · 20/01/2024 03:53

for a step parent adoption, social services and cafcass will both need to contact the dad. If he doesn’t consent, it can still be possible for the adoption to go ahead in certain circumstances. The advantage for dad is he would no longer pay cms. I think you should contact him and ask him what he thinks if this is something you want to pursue. Social services have to do an assessment and there can be a waiting list for that.

Libmama · 20/01/2024 05:38

Also following this. My partner and father of my youngest two would like to adopt my eldest. He’s never met his real dad at 10 years old.

For people who have done this do you need solicitors? Once you’ve contacted the local council and filled out the form, what happens then?

thankyouforthedayz · 20/01/2024 10:37

The SocialWorker completing the Form F will want to contact him. Whether or not he's on the Birth Certificate or has PR, he is the acknowledged birth father and has a relationship with your child, even if only financial. He would not have to give consent but any opposition would be listened to and given serious consideration.
Does anyone here think it would be a robust decision for a child to be adopted without discussing with a living birth parent?

thankyouforthedayz · 20/01/2024 10:45

@Libmama you wouldn't need a Solicitor if everyone is in agreement and the SocialWorkers reports are in favour. You would go to Court and the Judge reads everything and signs the order. Judges are often really sweet and Ive know them give a gift, lots of people celebrate their adoption day.

PurpleBrain · 20/01/2024 10:46

If two people were married but the husband was not put on the birth certificate because he was not the father can an adoption still take place ?

RowanMayfair · 20/01/2024 10:52

PurpleBrain · 20/01/2024 10:46

If two people were married but the husband was not put on the birth certificate because he was not the father can an adoption still take place ?

I think he would still have PR by virtue of being married to the mother so he would still have to consent.

madamepresident · 20/01/2024 11:12

My biological father dumped my mum before I was born and she's never seen him since. He wasn't on my birth certificate. She remarried and my stepdad legally adopted me and AFAIK they couldn't trace him so the adoption went ahead. That was over 30 years ago though

Mumof3girlsandaboy · 20/01/2024 13:01

Libmama · 20/01/2024 05:38

Also following this. My partner and father of my youngest two would like to adopt my eldest. He’s never met his real dad at 10 years old.

For people who have done this do you need solicitors? Once you’ve contacted the local council and filled out the form, what happens then?

Once you have done that you will work with the social workers who will be with you and do all the paperwork and be with you until to the end and no solicitors needed.

11NigelTufnel · 20/01/2024 13:38

If it goes ahead, your fiance will have a lot more rights over your child if you ever separate. Something to consider.

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