To find guy constantly using my name weird?

[bruceyburn]

I met a man around 3 months ago at a shared hobby and we have been in contact/meeting up since then. We both agreed to keep it casual as we both have commitments elsewhere and don't have the time for anything too serious.

We have gotten into a nice phase where we enjoy each others company and chat and sex. We are in touch mostly everyday but it's very relaxed. I don't feel the need to check in with him every day and don't worry if I don't hear from him etc. Very relaxed.

However, we mainly communicate through voice notes and I have noticed since the last time we saw each other (a week ago) he uses my name CONSTANTLY. Every voice note will start with, 'name, I think that's great that you did this blah blah' or he will say, 'that's so funny name' or he will drop my name into the middle of a sentence.

At first I thought it was nice and familiar but it's literally in every voice note and I'm starting to find it a bit put on and fake. And the fact he hasn't done this from the start, if he had I would maybe just think it's him but why is he suddenly saying my name so often in a conversation between just us?

It's actually giving me a bit of the ick. AIBU?

Maybe he is trying to keep his 'casual' friends straight so he has to keep using your name in the voice notes.

Oh yes, I have thought this might perhaps be the case.

I sometimes find people who overuse names appear to be doing it as a dominance play. I've mostly seen it outside of romantic relationships to be fair, but cant see why it wouldn't pop up there too. It's sort of overfmailiar/forced intimacy and they know it, but it's also know it's possible to call.out without sounding ridiculous and they know that too. Of course that may be totally off the mark here but I'd be weirded out by it too. Do you know if he's like that with others?

I agree it’s a dominance play. It’s actually really aggressive. My dad used to do this with me and my brother before we went NC.

But why all of a sudden?

I used to know someone who did this, same with you that he didn't do it to begin with. He turned out to be an actual narcissist and did it to "intrigue" people, some sort of psychological fuckery. I suspect you're not meant to notice it.

Not a partner, but a previous therapist of mine did this ALL. The. Time.

It was infuriating. Every other sentence or question would either start or end with my name. By the third session I honestly wanted to bash her around the head. Needless to say, she’s my ex-therapist. Who trains them to think this is a good idea?!

I had a fling with a man who was definitely using some sort of NLP techniques to try and hook me. It was quite clunky and involved things like touching my shoulder while saying certain phrases. This is ringing a bell and I wonder if it's some sort of manipulation to establish rapport that he has read about? Do you think it's more casual on your end than it is on his?

Maybe he is just showing off in front of other people, making sure they know he has a little lady, it sounds pretty annoying though, have you asked him why he does it,

Maybe he just met someone else and doesn't want to have to choose. Just very odd.

He’s an estate agent or a salesman of some sort - they do this all the time.

It could be all of a sudden because his feelings about the relationship and what he wants from you have changed in some way that you don't know about. It's not necessarily conscious on his part even if it is a dominant thing, it may be part of a pattern of behaviour that he just slips into when he e.g. wants someone to fall for him, or keep at arms length. We all have patterns of behaviour we unconsciously/conciously slip into in differents cenarios, but this one waves a red flag for me (albeit only gently waving).

I’ve posted about this before on a thread about behaviour that grinds your gears. I want to say ‘That’s my name, bitch, don’t wear it out!’

I find it sort of condescending, and far from being friendly, I find it puts distance between me and the speaker. I seldom use my close friends’, husband’s or children’s names when addressing them. What’s it ABOUT!

When my DH started working from home during lockdown I realised he did this with clients - it drives me crazy! DH must have read somewhere that it has some benefit - creating a bond? It makes me cringe - it sounds so insincere

My boss uses my name when he thinks I'm out of line - even via messenger! "Because we're all professionals, aren't we, Claribel?"

I had a crap manager who did this. She used my name as if it were punctuation. It’s a dominance thing.

I always think this in books because they constantly use each others names and I think it's odd so yeah I'd deff find this weird

It’s actually a thing some ‘client skills’ trainers teach people to do to create rapport. Boris Johnson did it all the time “Look, Laura…” Used a little bit it is very effective but used a lot it becomes ridiculous.

Sounds like your dude has had some bad training and taken it all too seriously. Tease him about it unril he stops doing it.

My BIL uses people's names a lot but a) he does it with everyone and b) somehow he does it in a way that doesn't seem weird. I think somehow it just seems to kind of fit naturally into his speech patterns (which are very different from ours because we're from completely different parts of the UK).

I agree that it's odd if someone suddenly just starts doing this, and if it sounds force. I would also be wondering what his game was.

That said, I'd also be horrified if someone communicated with me through voice notes; I hate them!

Has he been on a leadership course at work? They often say to do this to "connect" with people .

Sorry to derail, OP, but this has just made me realise how little I use my friend's names! It would almost feel wrong to do this 😬

Isn't this one of the things in that awful book The Game? It's all about pick up artists tactics. Ick.

He’s probably read ‘How to win friends and influence people’

I think this too. I use people’s names a lot but only at work and the feedback is really good.

I remember seeing a man on Dinner Dates who kept doing this all the time, and it wound me up!

I’ve realised my 12yr old son does it a lot too, and now I’ve noticed it, I can’t ignore it. My son is in the final stages of the Autism/ADHD assessments, and I’ve wondered if the constant need to add my name to the beginning/end of a sentence is linked to these diagnoses.

Is he Irish? If so, not a red flag or weird thing at all.