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Original poster

**TW**To ask someone to help me talk my daughter down from this episode

56 replies

ItsDisneyBitch · 18/01/2024 22:01

I have posted about my daughter before and her voracious reading the news and becoming highly anxious. She is 18 diagnosed with ADD and autism.

today in the daily mail there has been an article on where the best country to be is if there is world war 3, every single news outlet she is poring over is talking about possibility of wars etc.

She had calmed down a little in the past, but is now ramping back up and today I found in her room she is stock piling her meds to take if there is nuclear war.

not just her antidepressants but I’ve noticed she has siphoned off other random pills, paracetamol etc.

can somebody with some knowledge of the current situation please help me explain so it’s not just her mum talking. A reply here would be great. I’m very sorry I’m worried sick about her again and I’m reluctant to take her back to the hospital as no immediate threat to her ‘right now’. But I will call doctor tomorrow.

OP posts:
Nonplusultra · 24/01/2024 21:59

I’m trying to encourage my autistic ds to take an interest in investing. He’s also inclined to get sucked in to the fear mongering to the detriment of his mental health.

Thinking about markets, and economies changes the perspective a lot, because there’s a focus on long term trends and an awareness of how media discourse affects stock market confidence. It helps foster some detachment, and hopefully a little bit of cynicism about how and why news trends are generated.

I know right now you’re looking for more immediate help, but this is something to think about in the long term. Investments is just one example - current affairs based comedy might be another. Or you might find some other special interest or a way to channel the anxiety into meaningful action.

In the short term, what I’ve found most helpful is to focus on sensory regulation when he’s distressed. Think about what is calming (touch/ taste/ smell/ visual/ auditory/ proprioceptive) and fill her cup. And eliminate any sensory stressors you can.

We did CBT which was a little helpful but if he is stressed or near meltdown he just cannot access the thought processes. But coming at it from a sensory standpoint has been a bit of a game changer. When I notice we’re headed for trouble I start thinking can I dim the lights, feed him chocolate, is it too hot/cold, could he do with a walk…

These are just based on my ds, but you’ll know your dd best.

Also, starting from where they’re at mentally can be a good idea rather than challenging directly. ODing in the event of a nuclear war isn’t unreasonable - but talk out the implications (or listen a lot and ask leading questions). With my ds his relentless logic can be helpful if he gets a chance to talk enough to discover some dissonance.

Icedlatteplease · 24/01/2024 22:16

Gotta be honest I'd go the opposite way from everyone here.....

I'd check if it's a set amount she feels she needs, and then that she only intends to take it in case of nuclear war.

Then I would buy a clear lockable medicine cabinet like this and put that amount of medication inside it.lock it. tell her in case of emergency she is welcome to smash it but otherwise youre keeping the code. I'd also add a contact alarm just in case https://amzn.eu/d/iEkaXqD

Then I'd work on all the sensory etc stuff.

Icedlatteplease · 24/01/2024 22:38

But then to be fair I was the one swapping food every few mouthfuls with ds when he was 14, experiencing psychosis and terrified his food was poisoned. Then swapping back when he was terrified it might be poisoning me instead...

He was however eating food much quicker than many in his situation.

The one thing I don't think you can do is persuade them they are wrong. It just make you look like your not on their side. Frankly they are terrified abd really need a trusted guide. You can show you're unworried about it and you dont agree that its a problem (,but you'll do the above to humour them) and make that quite big and exaggerated. If it escalates further then I'd worry more.

AmserGwely · 24/01/2024 22:38

I have adhd and I find the war talk overwhelming. I imagine that she's not taking her meds as she's stockpiling them.

Her anxiety and overthrowing will be worse, as she's not medicated. I find the evenings harder to manage, as the meds are wearing off.

She needs to be looking at ways to distract herself when she is fixating on the thoughts. And you need a safe to lock all the meds away.

Ultimately, the shit slow death from a paracetamol OD will be as bad or worse than a nuclear war. She needs to know this, as paracetamol OD is horrific.

I manage my anxiety by distractions, taking the meds, and listening to podcasts in the evening so that my mind is focused on other things.

When I've asked people who are military what they think, the answer is nothing. Get on with living your life.

I am prepping a small amount of food - this seems to help my anxiety as I feel like I'm taking back some control.

NewUser1111 · 24/01/2024 22:43

Suddha · 24/01/2024 21:43

I’m autistic. We are very logical people. Appeals to emotion don’t work. She’s seen the headlines and has quite reasonably concluded that war is likely. The only way to convince her it’s not is with logic and evidence. Reacting emotionally and getting upset is the worst thing you can do.

The newspaper headlines about conscription are true. But if you read it carefully it’s a retiring army general who is complaining about cuts to the armed forces, and saying if the government doesn’t increase spending on defence we will end up in a situation where conscription will be necessary. It’s a political statement which is intended to sway public sentiment in the direction of funding the armed forces, and it’s timed to hit the papers shortly before we have a general election later this year. So yes, those things in the headlines were said - but as a political ploy, not as a statement of fact. Autistic people tend to assume that everything is a plain honest fact and may not understand the nuances behind why it was said, unless it’s explained.

The Ministry of Defence has now confirmed that conscription is not on the table. The Doomsday Clock was updated yesterday and it has not changed. This is very reassuring.

There is not going to be a nuclear war because of mutually assured destruction. Anyone who nukes another country will get nuked right back, and they know it. Perhaps looking at some history about the Cold War and things like the Cuban Missile Crisis would help her to see that there has been a nuclear threat for decades, along with sensationalist headlines, and nothing has ever happened.

I understand that you’re upset about her stockpiling pills. You’re seeing it from a very emotional viewpoint. But to her it’s a purely logical approach. In the event of nuclear war she wants to be prepared to avoid suffering. She probably doesn’t understand why you’re so upset, because her logic is irrefutable. Perhaps to a certain extent it’s a feeling that she has to do something because the war situation is beyond her control and that’s distressing.

She might benefit from some mindfulness training. It teaches you to focus on the present moment and not borrow worries from the future. She could be worrying about nothing, and worrying won’t change the future anyway, it’s just adding extra worry. Sometimes this logical approach can be very helpful for autistic people.

Excellent post

CakedUpHigh · 25/01/2024 07:17

I contacted social services for help at the beginning of November and they agreed to do a care and support needs assessment, part of that is a mental health assessment. It was not an emergency but all assessments were still done by Christmas. I was shocked. I've always been told my local authority is terrible at these things!

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