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AIBU?

Holiday without the dog

64 replies

hondagirl500 · 18/01/2024 21:22

We have a lovely dog, and she is with us 24/7. She is Daddy’s girl.
it’s my birthday later in year, and a significant one. Husband does not like flying, but I really want to go to somewhere hot for my birthday. That means the only way to get there (Caribbean) is cruise, so it will be 3-4 weeks instead of 2 weeks if you fly. I would be happy to fly. He doesn’t like to leave dog (with friends) for 3/4 weeks but won’t fly which would only leave her for 2.
as it’s December, very few other options for destinations (been to canaries). I feel as it’s my significant birthday he should put me before dog! What do you think?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

148 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
29%
You are NOT being unreasonable
71%
Biscuitsplease · 18/01/2024 21:32

I don't think is necessarily your husband putting the dog before you, he's just factoring the dog into his decision making. When you take on a dog, it's a big commitment and I think 4 week long holidays are then probably out the question with a dog unless you have someone close who is willing to look after the dog, who the dog knows well.
I'm saying this from the perspective of someone with 2 dogs, and I wouldn't dream of going away for 4 weeks from them, but we drive to Europe for our holidays and take the dogs with us (friends think we're mad!!)
What do you normally do with the dog when you go away on holiday?

RNBrie · 18/01/2024 21:36

I'd find someone else to go on holiday with and leave the dog with DH...

"Does not like flying" doesn't mean "can't fly" so can you discuss what needs to happen to make him more comfortable flying?

Tinkerbyebye · 18/01/2024 21:41

4 weeks is a heck of a long time to leave a dog

he may not like flying but surely should suck it up so you are away for two weeks

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 18/01/2024 21:41

We only go on dog friendly holidays as we don’t trust anyone with our dog, he’s part of the family.

xyz111 · 18/01/2024 21:47

Why doesn't he like flying?

TrixieFatell · 18/01/2024 22:46

I'd take someone else and then he can stay at home with the dog.

BeadedBubbles · 18/01/2024 22:52

If your dog is really with you 24/7 - ie she's never left on her own, let alone with friends/relatives - it would be unkind and likely induce separation anxiety to leave her for 2 weeks, let alone 4.

If you have someone trusted could you have a few overnight/weekend stays to see how she gets on?

Wolfiefan · 18/01/2024 22:56

Why is a cruise the only way to get to the Caribbean? I wouldn’t want to leave my animals for 4 weeks. Go without him?

hondagirl500 · 19/01/2024 03:36

Caribbean is a long way away! Have to fly or cruise to get there. So a 2 week holiday there becomes 4 by sea as it takes a week to sail across Atlantic and a week back. Adds to expense too obviously. So I would rather fly, only leaves dog for 2 weeks too which is better. But husband really not keen on flying. He has flown before, and when his mates were going skiing he was more than happy to fly!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/01/2024 04:09

He has flown before, and when his mates were going skiing he was more than happy to fly!

So basically he doesn't want to go away with you for your birthday enough to put himself out a little. But he will for himself.

Do what I did, and go somewhere amazing with a close female friend. And I also did with my mum. Oh and my DD.

And that's with a lovely DH who will travel with me. Our next adventure, DH's relative is dog- and house-sitting. Is that an option?

Haydenn · 19/01/2024 05:32

I voted unreasonable because I think leaving a dog with friends for 4 weeks is a bit much on the friends even if they have said before that they are happy to look after the dog.

People say that having a dog is a commitment and part of that is that you can’t do something like a month long holiday.

You say he isn’t willing to compromise, but actually what he isn’t willing to do is 100% what you want. A compromise would be a shorter flight somewhere. The Caribbean is a long flight for someone who doesn’t like flying.

Copperoliverbear · 19/01/2024 05:58

I'm afraid I'm with your husband I wouldn't even go away for two weeks without my dogs, they didn't ask to be brought into my home, and they same way I would not leave my children for two weeks I wouldn't leave them.
I don't fly either.
I would tell my husband we can go somewhere in England together with the dogs and he could go abroad for two weeks with his friends if he wanted to. (Obviously your situation is the opposite) x

LlynTegid · 19/01/2024 07:30

You could celebrate your birthday a few months later and go somewhere in Europe when it is warm. You can get to the south of France or Spain by train if your DH does not like flying, for whatever reason.

Your birthday is no more significant than any other, don't fall for this consumerist nonsense of so-called 'big' birthdays.

BeadedBubbles · 19/01/2024 07:37

But husband really not keen on flying. He has flown before, and when his mates were going skiing he was more than happy to fly!

You're implying double standards. But if you live in the UK are you comparing a 3/4 hour flight to a European ski resort with an 8 hour flight to the Caribbean? The former sounds manageable for someone who doesn't like flying, the latter less so!

Roselilly36 · 19/01/2024 07:38

I agree it is a long time to leave a dog. But surely you can reach a compromise, where you can all be happy. This is one of the reasons we didn’t get another dog after our wonderful old boy was PTS. We are in our early 50’s now and have decided against anymore pets, as we want to be able to go away whenever we want to, without feeling guilty for feeling a pets behind.

ThePoshUns · 19/01/2024 07:40

Does it have to be the Carribean? Could you do a Mediterranean cruise as a compromise?
I wouldn't leave a dog for 4 weeks

Sirzy · 19/01/2024 07:43

Why does it need to be over your birthday?

why not go somewhere closer over summer? Then it will be a shorter flight and less time for you both need to plan for the dog.

Zanatdy · 19/01/2024 07:43

I wouldn’t want to leave my dog for 4wks either

Zanatdy · 19/01/2024 07:45

hondagirl500 · 19/01/2024 03:36

Caribbean is a long way away! Have to fly or cruise to get there. So a 2 week holiday there becomes 4 by sea as it takes a week to sail across Atlantic and a week back. Adds to expense too obviously. So I would rather fly, only leaves dog for 2 weeks too which is better. But husband really not keen on flying. He has flown before, and when his mates were going skiing he was more than happy to fly!

Hope you’ve got strong sea legs sailing the Atlantic in winter

allthecakesinalltheworld · 19/01/2024 07:51

If he's flown with his mates to go skiing, then he just cba to go away for your birthday.

Ask around your friends to find someone to have your dream holiday with and leave him at home with the number one girl in his life.

PinkflowersWhiteBerries · 19/01/2024 07:53

I think leaving the dog with friends for that length of time is cf territory. If she is normally a Velcro dog , that’s going to be hard work for your friends.
I also agree that you don’t need to be away on your actual birthday, go somewhere closer at a more convenient time.
Find a house sitter with dog walking insurance and get the dog used to this person before you go.

These days I take mine with me, and that limits where we go, but they are very much family and we miss them, and the walking , if they don’t come.

BananasInThreePieceSuits · 19/01/2024 07:54

Firstly, the dog is not a “daddy’s girl”. He is not her daddy. It’s a fucking dog 🤦‍♀️

Secondly, I would not be putting up with “does not like flying”.

Lastly, of course the dog should come before you because it’s just a dog. But that isn’t the issue here, your husband is.

Sirzy · 19/01/2024 07:55

BeadedBubbles · 19/01/2024 07:37

But husband really not keen on flying. He has flown before, and when his mates were going skiing he was more than happy to fly!

You're implying double standards. But if you live in the UK are you comparing a 3/4 hour flight to a European ski resort with an 8 hour flight to the Caribbean? The former sounds manageable for someone who doesn't like flying, the latter less so!

Exactly.

i hate flying and would happily never fly again but will fly a couple of hours if it’s the only way to get somewhere. As much as I would love to see further afield the thought of the flights would stop me.

Bargello · 19/01/2024 07:56

Of course he's putting the dog above you.

The simple solution is that you go for a fortnight, fly, and kennel the animal.

catelynjane · 19/01/2024 07:57

How long was the flight to go skiing compared to the flight to the Caribbean?

I wouldn't leave my dog for four weeks either - in fact, I probably wouldn't be keen on leaving him for two unless it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and we had really solid, trustworthy dog care in place for him.

If I were you I would change my holiday dates and go somewhere closer over the summer but then again I don't see the appeal of the Caribbean and especially not if you have to cruise the Atlantic to get there - sea sickness anyone? 🤢

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