Help me unpick why I can't get down to work

[blanketeer]

I work from home, almost exclusively. I'm constantly battling with my productivity.

I've always struggled with this. Through uni and all the jobs I've ever had, even when I was office based.

It's like I just can't work properly.

I've been able to get away with it somehow, but I just know I could be much more successful if I just tried properly.

Why am I like this ? It's so frustrating.

Can anyone relate or does anyone have words of wisdom ?

Oh I also absolutely suck at paying attention during trainings and long meetings.

Thanks everyone who responded, I feel less alone !

I work full time, but I don't consider that I actually 'work' full time hours- does anyone else feel like that ?

It didn't really matter as much before I had kids, but now I feel so guilty when I'm messing around so I can ' work ' and they're in full time child care.

I also feel like I need to get to the next level of my career and I can't see it happening unless I put more effort in.

I'm on a good salary ( over 100 k, but I want to be nearer to 200 k, which is totally possible in my industry) in fact, you can make much more than that even. But I just don't think I'll get there with my current problems. And I feel bad sending my kids to nursery all day when I still can't focus and knuckle down properly. I just don't get how that fact alone doesn't motivate me to do more.

I work in business development, so very much a self starter kind of role.

No, this is incorrect and part of the reason why so many girls/women were never diagnosed because it was assumed that hyperactivity was physical (as studies were done on boys/men only and it was assumed wrongly that women were the same) rather than it could be mental hyperactivity (which is how it tends to present more in girls/women).

Hyperactive ADHD is characterised by impulsive and hyperactive behaviour (both mental and/or physical).

Inattentive ADHD is characterised by difficulties regulating attention.

You make 100k ?! I will save my breath, you can pay for someone to give you advice!

Have not rtft but get off Mumsnet is the obvious advice.

If only it was that simple.

I have exactly the same issues but I have had shedloads of therapy/psychiatric help over decades and no one has ever suggested it could be ADHD.

That’s so weird, I’m reading this recognizing everything the op is saying like it could be me, and I’m also ENFP personality type!

Maybe you find it all a bit boring?

but basically once you have worked out you can manage by doing it the way you do, what incentive would you have to change? I only get things done because I am scared it’s all going to go wrong if I don’t. You must be confident that you can cope with last minute ness

Anyway, I am pretty organised but I sometimes don’t do the things I don’t want to do because I know they don’t matter that much.

You are clearly very successful. I work like a dog and make every minute count and don’t really waste any time and make less than half what you earn. I am not sure you do really have a problem.

Yep, if your are the p rather than the j in the personality type you are going to leave things to the last minute. I am also a p.

Also Parkinson's law. Tasks take as long as you have to do them. So if you have a 3 weeks deadline it will be done in 3 weeks but if the same task has a one week deadline you will complete in 1 week.

I also considered adhd for myself, but I don't have it.

Reading atomic habits helped me - just start something for two minutes and then you can stop. For the most part I carry on and complete the task. The starting is the hard bit.

I might though get a lot done in advance and then faff and tweak right up to the deadline..

Blanketeer

You are me!

Ive had a few windows of temporarily improving it but its much, much, much worse post kids.

My phone is the biggest issue.

I don't believe it's adhd. I believe its being human and not being involved to spend our time the way we do. This is then worsened by screens - they are a constant fun dopamine hitting distraction that its impossible to ignore.

Waterybrook

Willing to bet op has a shit of stuff on the todo list and is bricking it about next performance appraisal and whether she can wing it through again. Its horrible,its so stressful its like you live in fear of being caught as a giant fraud. I earn over £100k too and have loads of time spent procrasting in between bursts of brilliance (hello deadline!) where I get stuff done in a very intense way. I never get the enjoyable satisfied feeling of getting stuff done well

When I read your description of yourself you sound exactly like me almost down to a T

Recently bought a €350 leather jacket online, don’t like it but didn’t return it on time so now stuck with it, don’t think I will ever wear it, In the last 18mths I probably wasted €1000 on items that I don’t want but didn’t return on time, New Year’s resolution is to stop online shopping as I never seem to be able to return things on time, the whole returns process seems to give me anxiety….bizarre

I think there is definitely something wrong with me ( at least one thing, maybe multiple things) but I just don’t know what!

basically once you have worked out you can manage by doing it the way you do, what incentive would you have to change?

THIS. My issue is i seem to just scrape through the deadlines and never quite crash.

Bluegrey1 i had to give my friend 3 dresses i didn't return in time. £210 wasted

Have not rtft but get off Mumsnet is the obvious advice.

Have spent years trying. Years.

I could have written your 21:03 post.

I'm also successful in career terms but get so frustrated with myself.

Procrastination. I always struggle to get things done. Try breaking things down into task lists, with time slots. Being able to tick completed tasks off can be motivating as you get a sense of accomplishment.

I have often used deadline mode before when things get critical. Some of my best stuff has been produced this way (also some of my worst)!

I think it could be about putting too much pressure on yourself op. And your brain is protecting you from the stress but in a disproportionate way relative to the task.

I improved when I just approached a project with the attitude “I’ll just have a 5 or 10 min dabble” and write a rough summary of the objective. To make it seem less daunting.

And then I break it down in to small steps and habit stack to keep up the consistency. So I try to have three days a week where I ring fence two hours in the morning and one or two in the afternoon where I focus on project work and don’t attend on line meetings or answer calls or emails. HTH. Good luck.

Oh wow, I never comment on these threads, but I feel 100% seen - OP even down to the job and role you do - are you me?!?

I have a successful career in a big company but I’m really struggling at the moment as I’m supposed to be doing a task which is very much non urgent and I just cannot focus on it and as a result have barely done anything at work all week. I hate it and feel so frustrated and like a massive failure.

Will be reading this thread for advice!!

I'm like this. I see all the tiktoks about ADHD symptoms and I'm like...yep yep yep. But then I looked into diagnostic criteria of ADHD and it is present in childhood. But I didn't have any issues in childhood or in school, it's only really been since I had my first child 5 years ago. So I think the chronic sleep deprivation and mental burnout has frazzled my executive functioning.

I blame smartphones for absolutely ruining my concentration. I used to be an avid reader but l cannot hold a plot or chapter whatsoever any more. I read and re read the same line 20 times or more in any given book and it drives me utterly mad. I'm on the wrong side of 45 so she probably plays a part.

I'm really shocked how many people this resonates with.

Also the ENFP connection.

I'm sorry you're all struggling with this, but I feel better not being alone in this.

A few years ago I opened up to some colleagues about this and they were really shocked - believing me to be super organised and efficient and hard working. I don't feel like I'm hard working enough.

To the poster asking why do I even want to change if I managed to do alright up until now and get ok money- it's still not enough. I want to have more and also, I have not been meeting my goals for a long time. It's been ok, I didn't get fired, but I've moved companies etc. I left a company a few years ago because I would eventually have been fired for not meeting goals. So I do think it shows/ will show. I was lucky I managed to stay there for 3 years and so it doesn't look bad on my CV that I left. I think people who are really really successful will put in more hours than me.

I don't know if you have QBRs, but I do find imagining myself having absolutely nothing of value to say to my whole team and management during a QBR does drive me a bit, even 3 months prior.

But still, I could do so much more. I could use my time so much better.

I think you might have a social media / phone addiction, I think I certainly have.

As I mentioned in my earlier post I can relate a lot to what you have said and think staying away from my phone might improve things a lot

You also sound bored at work so maybe a company change should be on the cards, if I’m in a company for longer than 3 years my motivation an productivity goes way down, I have been 4 years in my current company and my motivation /productivity and interest in it has massively dropped in the last year, I would love to change but in the industry i’m in it isn’t a good time,