Bloody reborn doll

[Horriblescareydolls]

My sister has collected dolls for while now and has always gone with ones from around the world. She has recently started on reborn which are hyper real dolls that look like real babies. I find it creepy they but each to their own. She has started wandering about with the fucking doll in a baby pram, I met her for lunch and assumed when she came in with a pram that due was babysitting a friends baby, she doesn't have a baby herself. On closer inspection there is a bloody reborn doll with a bloody dummy in its gob. I couldn't stay when she took the damn thing out to hold and walked away. She said that "reborn community " are used to mockery and why can't I just be happy for her. I told her because she is a grown woman pushing a dolly in a pram and its fucking weird. She wants to bring it to family parties......I can't cope!!!!Thoughts anyone?

I do try to adopt the 'each to their own' approach, mostly, but I do find 'reborn' dolls very creepy. The name is odd too. Ultimately you cannot stop your sister but I'd be inclined not to indulge her too much with it either. Is she ok otherwise, no trauma/mental health issues (around babies/pregnancy/her own childhood)?

She's harming nobody, and obviously finds it enjoyable/therapeutic.

Fair enough, but I wouldn't join in with pretending they're real - I wouldn't be wishing them happy birthday as has been requested, for example.

@Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter
Why is my username odd? I changed it for this post. She has never particularly wanted children or expressed a maternal instinct. She's always been quite dismissive if I'm honest. No particular mental health issues or childhood trauma. We have great parents.
I can fully understand a collection of something, she has a large collection from all around the world but I won't be sitting in a cafe, calling my nie or nephew, sending it cards or engaging in the charade.

Totally nuts!

The dismissiveness or seeming lack of interest in babies could be a coping/diversion mechanism. If she has infertility issues or is unmarried/unpartnered and has no prospects for a relationship she may be putting on a front.

I personally would not dismiss this as weird behaviour or quirkiness or whatever. I would definitely sit down with her and try to talk to her about what has led her to this.

Again - doll collecting can be a perfectly normal if slightly unusual hobby. Pretending that a doll is a real baby and treating it as such is crossing a line into worrying mental health issues.

An extreme example perhaps but still holds true
Whether now, or when they were babies yes I love my children and want to spend time with them. But there are lots of situations including lunch with a friend or supermarket trips where it would be much easier if you could just leave them behind without worrying knowing they wouldn't move, cry, need to be fed....we don't because they need an adults care.
We faff around with prams and pushchairs and car seats for safety and necessity....it would be easier if we could throw them in a tote bag without consequences and IF that was possible we would.
So when these women (any men?) take these babies out in a pram or to social events it's not because they want to spend time with the baby/doll. It's to be seen, its for the attention, it's all about them and not about the doll, obviously.

And that's the other thing, they are able to do that....to go to lunch looking perfect without fear of baby sick or worrying if their top is breast feeding friendly because actually when they are at home getting ready no-one is watching so they can just leave baby on the shelf while they shower etc

I don't think there is anything healthy about encouraging a disconnect with reality but if there is money to be made🙄
I watched the programme with the dolls years ago. I thought the grandmother was awful. I got the feeling she would rather her daughter had not survived so she could keep the grandson

Then she can suggest that her sister seeks help, although these dolls tend to be used therapeutically rather than the other way round.

I’m a bit of a bitch at times, so if that was my sister, next time I met her I would have a Barbie doll in a baby carrier attached to my front!!

(Unless she had mh issues, which I would obviously be sympathetic to and not do the above)

Why such anger over someone's hobby? Your post comes across seething with rage, swearing and flouncing about. Simply go about your day. Other people's hobbies are boring.

Yes, people who do this are not mentally well. There is a local transvestite who walks his doll in a pram in my local area. It's very unnerving.

I can't speak about your sisters situation. But last weekend alone I saw 2 girls, about 6 and 7 perhaps 8 fussing over reborns in a kids play setting. Then I went to the supermarket later and met who I assume is a preteen or she could be 13 walking around with her reborn. I initially thought it was a real baby as she was really fussing over it but at the same time holding it poorly and I had thought: kid needs help with the baby. Only to realise it was a reborn.
To each their own but it made me wonder whether these girls will overly idealised then the notion of motherhood and what this sets them up for.

I’m inclined to agree. I suffered from infertility and never had a child but have never been remotely interested in these dolls and would never push one around in a pram.

It just sounds like you are embarrassed by it. People treat pets like babies and that is seen as acceptable. Why not a doll? Considering the harmful things that people get up to in the world, the slim chance that someone is going to take up pram space on the bus isn’t something I could get worked up about.

Reborn dolls have been pretty extensively studied, and it seems broadly there’s two camps; doll collectors who don’t exhibit the behaviour you describe, or (almost exclusively) women who are in mourning in some form of another - infant death, infertility, or even their child growing up and leaving - who do.

From what OP describes it sounds like infertility, and some say these dolls help with that. But it can become a problem if this moves beyond a temporary tool to grieve and into detachment from reality. Ditto when people who use them use up pram space on a bus, or indeed have their car windows smashed in because bystanders think they’ll left the kid in the car and it isn’t breathing (as has happened multiple times). Empathy is needed, but also proper help and sometimes a firmer back-to-reality stance.

The online community can be troubling, but tbf so can any (looking at us, Mumsnet!). Certainly not as bad as the pro ANA ‘community’, for example.

As an aside, for the people saying it’s creepy - that’s a very natural reaction to this and it’s also been well studied. It’s called the Uncanny Valley effect, and is well worth reading about if you have time.

The ‘reborn community’ sound just like the ‘real doll’ community of creepy men. And yes, those men take their dolls to places and on dates and to meet up with other dolls.

I can almost understand why women have those dolls to deal with trauma but what happens after, say, 12 months? The dolls aren’t going to become toddlers. The trauma still needs to be addressed and they’ve spent a year taking this doll out like it was a baby, it’s not going in a cupboard is it?

For many, reborn dolls are the mental health assistance.
Whilst I understand that it seems odd to many people, I feel so sad and frustrated by the level of judgement expressed about an action that doesn't affect them.
We have no problem accepting that pets provide support and aid wellbeing. Reborn dolls fulfill a similar role for others.

I for one am glad somebody isn’t entertaining some of the absolute nonsense we are expected to accommodate these days ‘because mental health’. I guarantee it won’t just stop with carting the doll around which is weird enough. She’ll be using pram/wheelchair spaces, expecting strangers to ‘admire’ it as they shift about uncomfortably, wanting family members to talk about little Johnny or Gemma like they’re a real baby.

One person’s mental health (if that’s even an issue here) doesn’t trump everyone else’s right to live in reality. And plenty of people with reborn dolls DO take the prams on buses the selfish gits.

Should a real baby or wheelchair user miss out on a space because a plastic doll is sat in it? Potentially running late for nursery, work or a GP appointment?

No.

Not sure I agree with the comparison with pets. Pets are living things and can reciprocate affection and comfort. Dolls can’t. I’m not sure it’s healthy to foster a delusion.

Do you have the same level of hostility to pet owners, @Naptrappedmummy ? Their impact is far greater than the tiny number of reborn owners. Pets foul pavements and other peoples gardens, cause allergies that need medication, they impact on the environment and contribute to global warming ...

I'm just suggesting that people stop for a moment and consider their reactions.

We have no problem accepting that pets provide support and aid wellbeing. Reborn dolls fulfill a similar role for others.

I think that's fine, up to the point where others are expected to go along with the idea that the doll is real. OP being asked to wish the doll happy birthday, for example. Is it aiding well-being to require others to join in the fiction?

What your saying is that pets make more sense to you. People are different and respond to different things.

I think this sort of mental health support is counter productive unless it is fully supervised along side counselling and gradual withdrawal.

Fine, have a doll at home, have sessions with the doll and a therapist...but it shouldn't be encouraged to be a free for all without an end point or limits. That is just reinforcing the underlying issue not dealing with it.