AIBU to make DD tell piano teacher herself she wants to quit?

[Flockameanie]

DD (nearly 11) wants to stop piano lessons. She decided this the week after I'd paid for the term, after we had a conversation in the holidays (i.e. before I'd committed to this new term of lessons) about her continuing or not and she insisted that she did want to continue.

I have no issue with her giving up. Piano has been this weird battle of her insisting she wants lessons but then refusing to practice/ getting really angry when she does practice. I told her countless times over the two or three years she's been learning that she doesn't have to learn the piano, but if she has the lessons she has to practice (and not shout at me angrily about it when she does practice).

What I do have an issue with is her saying she wants to give up 1 lesson into this term, when I've paid for it, when I gave her lots of opportunity to say earlier she wants to stop. So, I want her to continue with the term of lessons I've paid for and tell her teacher herself that she's stopping as I think she needs to learn to take responsbility for her decisions. But AIBU?

Yabu = don't make her continue with this term's lessons and don't make her tell the teacher herself you big meanie
Yanbu = time for a lesson in life! She needs to continue for the rest of the term and tell the teacher herself.

100% agree

I stopped my lessons at 11 and my mum told the teacher.

So I do want her to learn about the importance of following through on committments.

yes but you don’t know how you’ll feel until you try something. I tried Yoga. I hated it. I didn’t go again. She tried something and stopped because she didn’t like it (your example about the other instrument I mean).

In your shoes I’d have told her ‘I’m cancelling as you haven’t shown any desire to practise - if you practise twice a week of your own volition with no lessons then we can discuss restarting.’ And then leave her to it.

Kids can be utterly shit at making decisions and explaining how they feel. We need to look at their actions and behaviour.

I assume your daughter wouldn't be comfortable telling the teacher she doesn't want to continue and this is your way of punishing her.

I'd tell your DC they have to complete the commitment they have made to complete the term but I think you have to give a terms notice anyway so hopefully the piano teacher will accept this notice one week after the term has started. Most contracts are for a complete term notice not a term less a week. I'd insist your DC went until the contract had expired. I'd tell the teacher myself though.

I've seen your update so it's actually 2 lessons in not one.

Continue this term then tell her you're stopping the lessons.

She's messed about enough for you to be able to make that decision.

She'll hopefully miss it

Aw I get utterly furious when I’m learning something new too. For me at school it was maths, in adulthood it has been anything new I’ve picked up eg coding, crochet, watercolours and….. PIANO. It’s so awful because you really want to be able to do stuff but hate going through the LEARNING. When you’re 11 it’s hard to see the big pic. I bet she’ll take up piano as an adult and stick with it.

It's not about trying it and not liking it. It's about whether or not she continues with the term of lessons I've paid for when she said she wanted to, despite being given ample opportunity to say she didn't. And then saying 1 lesson in she wants to stop.

If you want to be a pedant... She said she wanted to quit the afternoon of her 2nd lesson. So strictly one lesson in. She didn't go to second lesson. We're now figuring out how to proceed from here

Ok, update (I'd forgotten what a pile-on AIBU is!).

I've told her she needs to continue with the lessons paid for. She gets it. No punishment going on! I've said I'll tell her teacher at the next lesson that she'll be stopping at the end of this term (or whenever we're contracted to). The teacher has a waiting list, so she won't struggle to fill the spot.

Your DD is 11, she has tried, but doesn’t want to continue. She hasn’t done it to spite you, or understood the economics OP. Perhaps she was dreading telling you she wanted to give up.

Things like this, you need to take on the chin as a parent, my two DS’ are adults now, we did football lessons, karate, swimming, golf lessons, private tutoring, they got bored of it all, I ended all the contracts amicably with thanks and my DS’ were welcome to return if they ever wanted to do so, which they didn’t.

You are about to enter the teenage years with your DD, don’t battle the small stuff, it isn’t worth it.

But your notice only counts once you given notice to your piano tutor, not from when your DD decided she didn't want to go anymore. You might have to pay an additional term.

We had this with DD (not piano). She wasn't practicing and so wasn't improving and losing motivation. The teacher suggested she join a band (which I appreciate is harder with the piano) and we said she needed to really try it out and if she didn't like it we would discuss again.
She loved it and made progress and is happy to practice again. Not every day, and not for as long as the teacher advises but I don't fight her over it.

We have agreed that if she practises 20 minutes 5 times a week she gets extra screen time at the weekend.

Stop spoiling piano for her by going on about practice. She enjoys the lessons isn’t that enough? My son had piano lessons for years withiut practicing then one day decided to practice, now doing a degree in music. But as far as I was concerned it was up to him whether he practiced as long as he was enjoying the experience that was enough for me.

Probably doesn't like the stuff she has to play-get her some sheet music for pop songs that she actually likes, might motivate her. Only if she has time for that of course. I quit because my teacher wanted to teach a style of music I hated (very old fashioned from like the 40s or something!) and I didn't have the heart to tell him I hated that type of music. I quit but still play covers of songs I actually enjoy.

But none of her behaviour suggests she actually likes playing. All I’m saying is her words and actions don’t mesh.

And if it were me I’d have cancelled regardless of what she said.