This weekend was my son's 5th birthday, he had a party at our house on Saturday and then we had small plans with family & friends on Sunday.
My partner (not my son's dad) in my opinion totally f!cked the weekend up with his behaviour, and I feel totally betrayed that my son's birthday wasn't prioritised. Typically this type of behaviour hasn't happened in the past, we generally work well together and he's never been nasty or mean to me, and I think that's what has made this worse in my head. We have had issues of him being inconsiderate before (e.g. just making plans without thinking how it impacts the family). He is adamant that we are a "family" and treat each other equally, however I don't feel this is always true.
The kids party on Saturday was fine, however my partner's children didn't really get involved and sat on their computers all day. They then broke my son's helium balloons, despite me telling them to be careful with them. My partner did not discipline them for this. (For context he LOVES balloons and it's something I always get him each birthday)
In the evening we had friends over which was fine, but my partner and his friends then decided to drink excessively (they ended up drinking a whole bottle of vodka plus beers, prosecco etc). At 11pm I set up my son's presents in the living room, fixed his balloons as best I could and made it special for his morning. My partner didn't even notice I'd done this, I text him to say I was heading to bed and my son was in our bed so one of our guests didn't have to sleep on the sofa. He agreed to sleep on the sofa instead, but didn't come and find me to speak to me personally.
His children had in this time broken a wardrobe in their bedroom and then taken themselves to bed. He ignored them for probably 4 to 6 hours in total. Even when the wardrobe broke I was the one who went upstairs to check they were ok and tell them off in the reasonable way a step-parent would.
When all of the other guests left, I then heard my partner leave the house. He went into town until gone 2am and didn't even tell me where he was or that he had gone out! When I tried to call him I was busy-toned, my messages telling him I was upset and worried about his behaviour were read and ignored - I've now seen photos of him and his friends having a whale of a time. When he got home I was told I needed to "chill out" and that "no one had died". I explained he had abandoned his children in the evening and been totally inconsiderate to me and what the weekend was about. He didn't feel he needed to apologise and was quite nasty about how upset I was.
The next day he was still drunk in the morning and went up to bed, missed my son opening presents (which were meant to be from "us"). His children didn't get up until gone 9am and neither wished my son a happy birthday. Instead they threw tantrums about having to get showered and generally acted like brats. When I asked if they'd said happy birthday to him they cried and told me I was being mean... not very "family"-like to me...
It's only now (2 days later) my partner seems to realise that he has potentially lost me and my son. I've spoken before to him about how I don't feel we are a family unit, and that we are spare parts in his world where he does what he wants. His children have no rules to live by and do whatever they please, whereas my son lives under my firm but fair rules (e.g. he will have his favourite toy/game taken away for a day/week if he is naughty, whereas my partner's child told us to "f!ck off" a few weeks ago with absolutely no consequences or punishment.)
We've had a long conversation about everything, where he explained he feels that I don't even like him, he would be better off alone and just left to work and do what he wants etc. We've agreed to try and both put a better structure into place for all of the children, however I am struggling to move on from how my son's birthday was a total shambles. I feel really hurt and angry at the total disregard for him as a 5 year old, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to move on from this. Am I being unreasonable to still feel angry about this?