Is DPs female friend out of line?

[Watdidusay]

I'm with DP for 16 years. He had a female friend from Uni who was a bit hard work. She had a lot of male friends back then but fell out with all of them one by one. Those male friends are still friends with DP.

She went abroad for 10 years and returned home and started inviting DP to hang out. She's been generally nice to me and for a while we forged a friendship but we're just too different. I would describe her as having "main character syndrome". She attracts a lot of drama, doesn't want to know about my life/opinions/successes and likes to laugh at me if I get stressed out about something, saying I'm hysterical. Meanwhile she's constantly having mental breakdowns and needs everyone else to take care of her.
I'm fed up with her tbh.

She generally only messages my DP. She says this is because she sees us as a unit, like the same person.

Last week she said she wanted to speak to my DP about something in private. He asked if that meant no Watdidusay. She responded "Private."

DP said he didn't feel comfortable excluding me and she accepted that he didn't meet up with her. She said she saw us as two individuals, and it was normal for her to have some private conversations with him just as she would have some private conversations with me where DP would be excluded. This has never happened and seems to go completely against what she's said in other contexts. I feel like she manipulates things just to deal with the situation.

I'm just generally really angry about how she behaves towards me. DP is fed up with her too but feels guilty about being mean to her.

We're still being polite to her but I don't know if I would be able to outwardly justify my anger. I'm just leaving DP to deal with it and I'll fade out and not have much to do with her.

Am I nuts?

I'd be pretty uncomfortable if someone told my partner (OP) they felt suicidal because OP asked them not to laugh at her sick pet.

I would as well. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that, too manipulative. Sounds like she creates the drama around her.

Which one?

OP, speaks volumes that this woman has fallen out with all her other male friends and she tells you she has no female friends. She is the problem not you or your DP.

Would be interesting to know why those friends all backed off. Eitherway, you are both fed up with her histrionics so i would both collectively gently back off. She obviously oversteps boundaries and these male friends from Uni have all dropped away.

You only live once OP - back off and if DP also fed up tthen he should back off too, life too short!

People are being a bit disingenuous here. This isn’t OP’s partners very best friend in the world and someone he has a strong and special bond with that deserves to flourish without OP’s interference. It’s a woman from his uni days, maybe an old group of friends, who sounds like a lot of hard work and really has no right to insist on a private friendship with OP’s partner. I don’t really believe in intense platonic male female friendships at the best of times and certainly wouldn’t trust someone who sounds this unhinged to keep things purely platonic and not makes things weird/uncomfortable.

She sort of pushed the friendship by coming to me with female problems (breast pain) because she said she didn't have any female friends she could go to, which is how this situation started.

Case closed, tbh.

I actually can’t believe people are arguing you should tolerate a female friend telling you she wants a private conversation with your husband in your house. Over my dead body.

People can have friendships end.

But she has lost all her friends from uni, admits to having no women friends ever, the comment about being suicidal after the incident with your cat and changing her tune about you are a unit and then you aren’t, plus I need to speak in private. She is hard work and its why she has no friends.

She doesn't sound like a good friend, you don't need her as a friend. You aren't trusting her motives around her friendship with your husband which your husband seems to agree with? Everything else is just extra ways you are justifying how you feel and over complicating. Yes a friend can see one half of a couple alone, yes it can be good to remember who the main friendship is with, yes someone can need different friendships with different people at different times. For these things she is not out of line, but that doesn't mean to say you are happy with her relationship with your husband or want her in your life.

cant you just phase her out ? she sounds hardwork . what does she bring to your friendship ?