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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Totally guttered

50 replies

Madamcrochet · 15/01/2024 08:23

Bit of a long one so apologies in advance. I am so guttered by the actions of my BIL, 21 yrs old. He is the only relative of my husband and we have taken an active part of his life since his father passed away. We are very close to him and I care for him like he is my own sibling.

Onto the problem. We had a very finically rough year last year due to many unexpected big bills and in September we realised that we were not able to afford Christmas presents so I stupidly decided to make BIL a present.

I do a lot of crochet. For the last year, I’ve been buying a very special wool which is really expensive, so I’ve been buying it in dribs and drabs. I decided to make BIL a blanket with this wool which I was saving for just the right project. I spent a lot of time on the blanket, researching patterns and learning a whole lot of new techniques etc and I even took 2 days annual leave to finish the blanket before Christmas.

Come Christmas Day I explained to BIL the reason for the blanket and told him that if he didn’t like it, it was ok he could just give it back and that would fine as I understand crochet blankets are not for everyone. BIL said he loved the blanket so I thought all was good.

On the weekend a good friend came to see me and showed me a short video where my BIL and his mates are kicking and stomping on the blanket outside on the grass and spitting on it! There was a lot of laughing and cheering every time someone spat on the blanket. Towards the end of the recording someone is trying to set the blanket on fire with a lighter. To say I was guttered is an understatement! I felt physically sick.

DH is furious with BIL and I just don’t know how to deal with this. What do I do? Ignore it? Tell him I know?? Tell him to fuck off?? Ask him to reimburse the cost of the wool??

What do I do?

OP posts:

bluechicky · 15/01/2024 08:26

What on earth?! Is he an adolescent boy?

HeidiIeigh · 15/01/2024 08:26

I cant ever imagine a blanket being something a 21 year old would like tbh. But wow fuck me how disrespectful! Ask him for the money for the wool and then tell him to fuck off and don't speak to you again.

Singingasong · 15/01/2024 08:27

That’s really horrible and hurtful to you.

DisforDarkChocolate · 15/01/2024 08:27

I'd let him know I was furious and that he needs to grow up. To me it's a very odd present for a BIL of that age but all he had to do if he didn't want to say he didn't like it was pack it away for a while then decide what to do with it.

Evaka · 15/01/2024 08:27

Jesus, what an absolute twat. Absolutely tell him you've seen the video and just let him sit with that. I'd imagine he got caught up in ridiculous drunken macho vibes and will be mortified and apologetic. If not, I'd be keeping him at a 10 mile arm's length.

Hiddenvoice · 15/01/2024 08:27

I’m not sure a blanket is a great idea for a 21 year old but I understand where you were coming from.
His behaviour is disgusting though and I would be telling him that. Really pathetic way for a 21 year ild
to behave.

bluechicky · 15/01/2024 08:27

Personally I'd ask him about the blanket each and every time you go there and say how much you're glad he likes it. Watch him squirm. Then say that's odd I saw a video of you trying to destroy it. Watch the blood drain from his face. Then calmly walk out the room and don't bother with his sorry ass again.

DustyLee123 · 15/01/2024 08:28

What he did was wrong, but you say the wool was expensive, so why not buy him something instead? I would never buy/make a blanket for a man, especially a 21 year old.

NashvilleQueen · 15/01/2024 08:29

Why would your good friend show you such a hurtful video? How did they get hold of it?

FiveShelties · 15/01/2024 08:29

I would have to ignore it, because I just know I would completely lose my temper if I tried to talk to him about it.

Has your husband spoken to him?

Hankunamatata · 15/01/2024 08:29

Send bil the video and ask wtf?

HeidiIeigh · 15/01/2024 08:29

NashvilleQueen · 15/01/2024 08:29

Why would your good friend show you such a hurtful video? How did they get hold of it?

Because they were being a good friend? I'd want to know for sure. So I could deal with it.

WandaWonder · 15/01/2024 08:30

bluechicky · 15/01/2024 08:27

Blood drain from his face? Is this some corononation street plot?

Do you honestly think this would bother him?

bluechicky · 15/01/2024 08:30

DustyLee123 · 15/01/2024 08:28

What he did was wrong, but you say the wool was expensive, so why not buy him something instead? I would never buy/make a blanket for a man, especially a 21 year old.

Edited

Why do men not get cold?

SecondHandFurniture · 15/01/2024 08:30

If I were your husband I'd forward him the video (or link to it) without comment.

bluechicky · 15/01/2024 08:30

WandaWonder · 15/01/2024 08:30

Blood drain from his face? Is this some corononation street plot?

Do you honestly think this would bother him?

Show quote history

I do if he were asked in front of his wife and other family members yes.

spearthatbroc · 15/01/2024 08:31

a “good friend” my arse

the boy was drunk, young and very thoughtless and stupid.

Definitely needs to know how hurt you ate

i expect he’ll be mortified

Bargello · 15/01/2024 08:32

How rude. I have a son of the same age and he would love a hand made blanket as a gift, although he is a sensitive soul who isn't into the typical football, music, fashion.

I do knitting and other crafts and really appreciate how long these things take to make, the expense, and the love that goes into them. His actions are so disrespectful to you.

JubileeJumps · 15/01/2024 08:32

A friend happened to have a video of this? All very odd and unpleasant.
I’m sorry this has happened. 21yo men and crochet blankets don’t generally mix but he should have appreciated the effort you made and the sentiment behind it.

amylou8 · 15/01/2024 08:32

Hi mates have come round, taken the piss out of a crochet blanket on his bed and he's jumped on the band wagon to save face. I get why you're mortified, it was a lovely thoughtful present, although clearly misjudged for your BIL.

LordyMe · 15/01/2024 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

betterangels · 15/01/2024 08:33

Let your husband deal with his twat of a brother. Perhaps be less available for someone this disrespectful. I would be.

Ronnie887 · 15/01/2024 08:33

I don't think a 21 year old would appreciate the work that goes into a blanket or how much yarn costs. What yarn was it? Could you not have used the money spent on yarn on a bought present? There's loads of fb groups where members buy yarn at cost prices.

spearthatbroc · 15/01/2024 08:34

bluechicky · 15/01/2024 08:27

what a profoundly odd and negative approach
Someone who suggests this can’t be happy

NashvilleQueen · 15/01/2024 08:34

Groups of 21 year old men can often be absolute idiots when in company with each other. Yes it's rude and very disrespectful but he would never have intended for you to see it and in the moment of opening the present he told you it was great so your feelings weren't hurt.

I know it's upsetting but I would start from the premise that you weren't the intended audience for the video. Did he know the time, effort and cost you had put into it? Unless he knows that I doubt he will have realised just from seeing a blanket.

By all means bring it up either him directly or via your husband but I would be prepared to move on if you can. And next year buy him a tin of quality street and have done with it.

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