To be upset about hobby group sidelining my leadership over pregnancy?

[Grassisntalwaysgreen]

NC for greater anonymity.
I agreed to run a hobby group while the founder is unable to , but only up until a week before my due date(pregnancy was a shock to the group as it only just became hard to hide when I announced it). FTM so unlikely to give birth earlier.
I have lots of experience of running this sort of group and the only reason I dont have my own is that one already existed when I moved to the area. However a member then contacted me to let me know theyd met up with another member to plan the next meeting as I would ‘doubtless have other things on my mind.’
I am beyond reasonably upset as it feels like my identity has been pushed from ‘competent woman with talents’ to ‘mother only’ even before giving birth. Whereas I am desperately trying to turn my hobby into a profession before giving birth(used it in my career but want to make it in the main thing).
I do like the group, especially the people now taking over running it, and imagine they are just awkward about pregnancy however I also feel too upset to go to the group or even reply mainly because they went over my head.

"Thanks so much for the offer, but I'm all good up till the xth"

I'd message and say that's really kind thank you but it's already sorted.

Could they not simply be organising things for the greater good of everyone? Your role as lead is a temp fill in for someone else. You’ll be stepping down soon anyway so I think it’s perfectly reasonable for them to organise something now while they have people available. You have lots of perfectly valid sounding reasons for wanting the opportunity to run the group OP but I think you’re expecting too much of the other people - they’re not investing in your future career etc they’re just running a group. Also you’re muddying facts and feelings OP. You don’t know that they find pregnancy awkward or that they don’t see you as a competent woman. They haven’t said this have they? I’m assuming it’s what you’re thinking - why do you think that?
Sounds to me like they’re just trying to be helpful and do the best thing for the whole group.

Just say you’re happy to continue, I guess they just want someone settled in to do it, and suspect you will stop soon enough ie when you have your baby,

Looks like I worded it badly. They have taken over the group (obv with agreement of founder as email list went to them), not just offered to help.

I also suspect that, I don’t really know anyone awkward about pregnancy , so I find it strange the op thinks this group are all awkward about someone doing something as everyday as having a child. Especially if she wants to make a career of it, I mean why would you if you think so little of the people you’d be working with?

It's likely to be a thankless task anyway. I'd let them crack on.

But you weren’t taking over the group..you were just temp filling in.

have you replied? Be calm and direct that this is unnecessary. They are silly for doing this but if you don’t correct them they with think that they are doing you a favour.

I'm not sure if they would prefer a permanent leader so don't want to change and change again in quick succession?

That's rude and if it was an actual job it would be discrimination. I'd message the founder and say you're not sure if there's been confusion but you're keen to run it prior to birth. Whatever she says goes.

Are you saying you were only
Going to run it up until a week before baby was due? In which case how far away is that now?

It would only be three meetings.
Founder will run it again in a few months. It isn’t a serious group, having different facilitators each meeting wouldn't matter at all.
It’s the principle of not asking me that is upsetting.

No I haven’t yet. My instinctive reply would have burned bridges.

I think it’s fair to be honest, you must be what 36 weeks pregnant? For 3 meetings, then someone else to take over, is a pain. They may as well have someone else do it now.

and honestly you can’t have it both ways, on one side it’s a career op and on another it’s not a serious group. It can’t be both.

jusg go and enjoy the group

I agree with most.
You are over reacting.

I am beyond reasonably upset as it feels like my identity has been pushed from ‘competent woman with talents’ to ‘mother only’ even before giving birth

What nonsense. They’re just trying to be helpful.

Whereas I am desperately trying to turn my hobby into a profession before giving birth

Hmm. So you can’t now use this group to feather your nest like you’d planned to, so you made up some stuff about your “identity” to justify your annoyance.

I’m pregnant and would also be very offended and upset, the line that you would have ‘other things on your mind’ makes it clear that they are only taking these responsibilities away from you because you are pregnant. To not even ask you is so disrespectful.

I would play dumb - ‘We had agreed that I would run the group for the next few meetings and I’d spent time planning for them, so I’m a bit confused about what’s going on! What would I have on my mind?’

If they mention your pregnancy I would say ‘I’m pregnant not dying!’

Hopefully their mistake will dawn on them when they have to explain themselves.

I would add that I’m quite shocked at the other commentators who think it is acceptable to take opportunities and responsibilities away from pregnant women without asking them, on the basis that this is ‘helpful’. It’s discrimination and it’s against the law. If a pregnant woman needs help then she will ask for it!

This isn’t the workplace though. It is a hobby group. This isn’t about someone’s career - it is about making sure that if the Op goes into labour at 39 weeks there is still someone who knows the password for the laptop in the Thursday night photography club so everyone can yawn their way through Bob’s 76 photos of a Blue Tit.

I can see why you are feeling angry about this but I think the other members think they are doing a nice thing taking the pressure off and you are assuming that means they think you aren't up to it. I would just say it's fine , I have it covered thanks. But as an aside my first was early, not that it changes anything.

I found it really annoying that people assumed I wouldn’t be able to do things before I had my first, annoyingly they were usually right, especially in the first few months. My first also came at 36 weeks. I reckon they are trying to be helpful.

It isn’t an opportunity. It is a hobby. The group probably want to avoid disruption of changes and then more changes in a couple of months.

If it were a work related opportunity then of course you would be correct.

It isn’t an opportunity. It is a hobby

And there’s something a little bit not-quite-in-the-spirit about someone who’s trying to exploit a hobby group to further their business interests.

I slightly wonder whether they were uncomfortable already and leapt at the chance to put a stop to it.

Do they meet monthly? Ie are you 6 months pregnant? I understand your sensitivity but I do think they might be being kind, thinking a first time mum might not know how hard it can get. Also, first babies aren’t on time doesn’t mean they are late, I think statistically they might be more likely to arrive either early or late.