To be upset about hobby group sidelining my leadership over pregnancy?

[Grassisntalwaysgreen]

NC for greater anonymity.
I agreed to run a hobby group while the founder is unable to , but only up until a week before my due date(pregnancy was a shock to the group as it only just became hard to hide when I announced it). FTM so unlikely to give birth earlier.
I have lots of experience of running this sort of group and the only reason I dont have my own is that one already existed when I moved to the area. However a member then contacted me to let me know theyd met up with another member to plan the next meeting as I would ‘doubtless have other things on my mind.’
I am beyond reasonably upset as it feels like my identity has been pushed from ‘competent woman with talents’ to ‘mother only’ even before giving birth. Whereas I am desperately trying to turn my hobby into a profession before giving birth(used it in my career but want to make it in the main thing).
I do like the group, especially the people now taking over running it, and imagine they are just awkward about pregnancy however I also feel too upset to go to the group or even reply mainly because they went over my head.

FTM so unlikely to give birth earlier

Curious, is this factual? I was early with both of mine, first and second.

I'm on the fence on this one. If you surprised them and put them on the spot they might only have agreed under duress and not really had time to think about it. Its unclear how long you have 'to go' but it might be thst they don't want more 'chopping and changing' rather than thinking you incapable. Maybe they'd feel the same if you said you'd do it until you moved.
I'd also guess they think they're doing you a favour.
Surely not running it won't stop you making a go of your business?

I suspect this maybe the case. I can understand if they want to avoid too much disruption anyway.

I dislike people taking things out of my hands without any discussion so this would frustrate me too. I’m sure they had good motives but I think they could have handled it better than going to the founder to get everything transferred to them before telling you.

How do you know they are awkward about pregnancy? You are assuming just as much as they seem to be

It sounds to me as though they were trying to be kind.

In the nicest possible way I think you're overreacting and you need to find a way to move away from focusing on this. Firstly if you work for free you'll never be short of work. Secondly this sounds like an informal hobby group, you've said the facilitator often changes and it isn't your group. Take a step back, it doesn't sound important enough to be worth worrying about.

The club members would have 3 different organisers in 5 months, they just want some continuity.

Myself, daughter and daughter in law all early with first. I thought more likely to be slower not later.

Same! Because of 1st being early I planned to take may leave at 37 weeks for dc2. Went into labour at 35+6!

RE going early, I believe 75% of first babies come late. I have first hand experience of thinking I'd be in that 75% and being totally unprepared when I was fairly early! You really can't count on it.

Well unless you make things clear, people will make assumptions. When I announced I was pregnant, I gave them the due date and said I would be working up to as close to this as possible and returning six weeks after the birth. People know where they are with this. I was back in six weeks to find they'd delayed a training session so I could take it my first week back and the next week almost all the other managers went on leave and I had their teams to manage as well as my own. I was less than grateful to be treated as being treated as entirely recovered six weeks after a caesarean. The next time, I did the same thing but told them I wanted a couple of light weeks while I got back into the swing of things.

This is a fun hobby group. The op just wants the opp as she wants to make a career of it going forward. She isn’t thinking of the group, just what’s in it for her. They are only thinking of what’s best for the group, and not realising she sees a fun hobby group as a career advancement opportunity, not for 3 meetings.

she’s hardly going to make her mark doing it three times. So for them it’s what is the point in her taking over for 3 meetings, when the leader is away for a few months, best for someone who will do it for that duration, to take over immediately,

also it’s weird she hid it from the group, that she was pregnant. I guess as she really wanted to lead and knew it was close to her due date , so wouldn’t be able to meet the time commitment she was making.

You'll have to sya something. It's not a workplace - it wouldn't have happened in a workplace or they'd be taken to court. I'd reply say thanks for the consideration but you'd like to stick to the agreement that you will cover for 3 months and your pregnancy shouldn't change that

Could you reply with something along the lines of

"Hi X (current leader who is stepping aside for a short while),
I'm very confused as to why Ann and Barbara have been selected to run the XYZ Club in your absence as I was under the impression that I was to be covering for you, until <insert date here>. I had already put together some ideas to be discussed at our upcoming meetings. I am disappointed that you feel I will or even do have other things on my mind and that I can't give XYZ Club the attention it requires while you step back for your own personal needs. I would be interested in understanding your decision here, given my understanding that I was to deputise for you. In the meantime, I look forward to seeing what fresh new ideas Ann and Barbara have planned for the club.
All the best - @Grassisntalwaysgreen "

If you write something like this, you're not going in all guns blazing but you are letting them know that you are ticked off that they bypassed you for being the person to organise things in X's absence and that you are open to hearing why X decided to go with Ann & Barbara (not their real names as I haven't a clue who you are or who any of the key players are in this situation) instead of going with you.

It in no way helps or hinders my career. It is purely for fun. Not actually an opportunity.
I only mentioned my career to underline that Im not planning on giving up creative identity(it is not just me who feels like that, there is a whole nationwide group called Mothers who Make who discuss these sorts of identity issues. I need to start going to their meetings instead ).
Awkwardness: they are mostly older men. Their awkwardness is palpable.

It seems very bad form to try and use a hobby group to build your business, if people have got even a hint of that I can see why things are being shuffled round

40 +5 is average and longer in my family. But obv not guaranteed!

Your “mothers that make” group is made up of older men?

It is very strange that you think people are shocked or feeling awkward about your pregnancy, most people, yes even older men will have come across pregnancies before. I am in my 50s and have encountered many pregnancies over my lifetime and I can honestly say that none have prompted feelings of being shocked or awkward.

It seems like this hobby or role holds significant meaning for you.
I suggest taking some time to thoroughly delve into it, maybe even jot down what running the group represents to you. It sounds like there's some apprehension about how this relates to your identity and future work, but the possibilities are boundless. Envision yourself leading your own group in the future. Consider putting down on paper not just your aspirations but also any concerns you may have about the path ahead. This way, you can address and understand them without projecting them outward.

Very odd for older men to be uncomfortable with a pregnant woman, many of them will have kids of their own. So if it’s not going to help or hinder your career, it’s only 3 meetings max, why did you lie to them and hide your pregnancy to get the opportunity, knowing you couldn’t meet the commitment then get so pissed off when they took the reasonable decision to have one stand in, rather than you for a couple of weeks then someone else?

I would be with you, OP. It's incredibly rude to do that and also discriminating. I can't believe they acted obviously shocked to hear you're pregnant. I would message back to just them and the founder saying that you're very surprised to hear this as they should have talked with you first. That's just practical. Tell them that you had already organized the next meeting, so now one of your plans needs to be shelved until a later month, perhaps they could keep theirs until after you have your baby as previously agreed. Then end with reminding them that pregnancy isn't an illness and you took on the leadership knowing the situation and fully able to fulfill the role. If they push back, I would use the weird discrimination in your next response.