To think ex shouldn't be taking dc on holiday?

[pinotnow]

...when he claims he can't pay any CM? I know he is low income but he recently came into a large inheritance which he didn't declare, despite having arrears. I have a claim open but they say he doesn't need to pay anything due to having them a few nights per fortnight and being low income. We've been split for 10 years and this is the only time he's taken them.

However, he took them away for a week in last year (wanted 2 weeks but they didn't want to be away that long) and is now planning another trip for this year. He's also always taking them out for meals when they're with him. I don't want to be petty, but I'm sick of him paying nothing, buying nothing for them and then prioritising holidays. Kids aren't bothered about the holidays - they've been on plenty with me and don't like being away all the time in the school holidays and they also find ex a bit difficult to be around at times, though obviously he is their dad and they love him. They aren't desperate to be on holidays with him though - this is for him as I know he's pissed off they've been away with me loads and not with him.

It's not so much CMS but the fact that they will be at uni in a few years and will get minimum loan because of my income, which will make things very tight. If he has extra money now, why can't he put it away for that? Also, I am supposed to give him a lump sum in 6 years when youngest is 21 and I'm starting to resent that more and more.

Would I be UR to go back to CMS and say I feel he has more money than he is revealing as he's planning these holidays? Or message him at least?

That's ridiculous that you can't deduct the owed maintenance from the money you have to give him. It shows that the Government/society don't view CMS as real debt. It only goes to mothers (usually) for children. It's not really important.

I’m not surprised you’re angry, I would be too. He hasn't been a particularly present father ( a couple of nights every fortnight is very little) and hasn’t helped to financially support his DCs either. If your dcs will be at university in a few years, they are old enough to just tell him if they don’t want to go on holiday though. Morally, he has displayed reprehensible behaviour but legally I imagine there is little that you can do about it. Your DCs will know who raised them, provided for them and who they can rely on.

It’s been 10 years, he isn’t, ever going to change.
i understand it’s frustrating, it’s unfair, but being bitter and winding yourself up about it only hurts you- he doesn’t give a shit, never will.

Sometimes it’s easier to accept the things we can’t change.

I would be royally pissed off, OP. I have no idea why some people are defending him or giving you a hard time. The inheritance not being taken into consideration would deeply annoy me as it sounds like he has shirked all financial responsibility for the kids upbringing and this would have been an opportunity to acknowledge that and reset the balance. He is a selfish and feckless tit.

He is Disney dadding ten years too late and takes no responsibility for the kids day to day.

However, your kids seem old enough to see who he is so take a step back and watch this one play out.

Sorry OP, sometimes the best revenge is a life well lived and your kids seem to love, respect and appreciate you.

I really really wish people would stop flinging "bitter" about. The OPs is justifiably angry about an ongoing situation where she is having to provide 100% of all the essential and most of the non essentials for a decade whilst her twatty ex has done fuck all in real terms and didnt even have the decency to make things square with his inheritance. Some appalling attitudes on here tonight.

No one is defending him

He definitely owes CMS

But him taking the kids on holidays isn't a problem.

Sorry but what’s rubbish. The priority should be the basic needs for the children before holidays.

He can’t refuse to pay any child support then after 10 years prioritize holidays and act like dad of the century.

Completely and totally agree. The OP has every right to feel how she does.

Let them go on holiday he pays for it all you dont need to feed them for two or three weeks . It s a win.

It’s not the same.

And neither is this place any more. Posters laying into you and defending the deadbeat bun these poor kids have to call a father… wtf.

Thank you to everyone who has made supportive comments - they mean a lot . I've been here ages and don't post on AIBU expecting everyone to agree with me, but I am often dismayed these days about the attitudes to CM on here. I'm drawn to such thread for obvious reasons, and so often find people, as PPs have said, defending deadbeat dads and accusing women of being greedy/bitter etc. It's really fucking sad.

I can't believe how much grief the OP is getting here!!!!

Surely any of us would be annoyed if we were left to foot 100% of essential expenses solo when there is another parent in their lives? That would be bad enough even if the dad genuinely couldn't afford it, let alone when he got a nice chunk of inheritance and also can afford holidays each year.

Not criticising him for taking them on holiday, but I am surprised to see why so many can't understand why OP is annoyed here.

There's the rights and wrongs of it, and then the reality of the situation. My ex avoided his financial responsabilities too and it is infuriating.

how old are they-they dont actually have to do anything by about 12 if they dont want to legally