AIBU over this sleepover?

[dressinggownqueen1]

Not sure if I'm being an unreasonable weirdo here, but I'm sure you'll keep me right Would appreciate your input.
I'm a single parent of 3 who works full-time. I was very much looking forward to this weekend, as it was going to be really relaxing. I'm exhausted. Reading, Netflix, napping, nice food, not really getting dressed or putting on make-up. Indulging my introvert self! My children were due to be going to their dad's place, where they spend every second weekend.
My 17 year old decided that she didn't want to go to his, as my place is more centrally located for going out at night and then getting back afterwards. Fine, it's her home.
She asked if 3 friends could sleep over after the night out. Two also came here to get ready beforehand. Right, ok, they're nice girls, never a bother, and I want friends to feel welcome.
I did say to my daughter that I wanted them to leave at a decent time today though. Two left early-ish as they had stuff to do. But one is still here, at 4.30pm. I can't relax in the same way, knowing that someone else is here. My rosacea is in full force, I'm in my pyjamas and I've got stuff to do around our flat.
Am I being odd, or is my daughter taking advantage a bit?
Thanks in advance.

you are not being unreasonable
but could you not have sent her a message to remind her what was agreed?

Just say you want some peace now and if they want to hang out to go out for food?

where did they go last night?!

I did. And her reply was 'but we're just in my room, so how is it impacting you?'

Not sure that's relevant, but to a friend's party!

If the guest is no bother try and see it that she obviously feels more comfortable hanging out at yours and maybe her home isn’t a fun place to be for some reason. As a one off I would leave it but tell your daughter you don’t want to be the weekend hang out spot all the time.

Thanks for your replies

Personally I would be having words with her disrespectful answer of how is it impacting you?

I totally get where you're at because I feel the same when the DC are with their dad - I want to protect that space for myself. However as you say it's DDs home too and if she wants a friend over that should be OK. I'm torn tbh.

I will, but it's hard to explain it! It's an introvert thing, I guess.

Of course you're not odd. But it's quite possible your 17 year old is quite keen for her to go too and is just not managing to chuck her out.

Time to "help" things along. I don't think it's helpful to read much into whether your 17 year old IBU without hearing her side.

It's just a bit annoying when I now have 2 more weeks to wait for a bit of peace. And even then, there's no guarantee.

genuine question…. but if they are holed up in her room, how is that affecting you? o could understand if they were 7, as you’d have to keep an eye on them, feed them etc. but at 17?

ah crosspost. Don't know why that took so long for me to type.

They’re on her room you say? what are they doing that doesn’t allow you to watch netflix on your pjs? the friend is female?

I'd tell her she's taken the piss so next time it's her weekend to spend time with her dad, that's what she will be doing and she'd better arrange her social life having taken that into account.

Yes it's her home but so is her dad's house.

And this is your home and you are entitled to your own time and space too.

Cheeky bitch.

I just look such a mess that it's making me self-conscious. I just want her to go so that I can get my shit done. It's a smallish flat, so not bags of room or privacy.

Next time it's a no then. You agreed to a perfectly sensible compromise and she had chosen to shit all over your agreement. She's made a power play.

And I completely understand why it's not the same mooching about with them there

Yes, your daughter is taking the piss a bit because she agreed to the ‘rules’ beforehand. She’s blatantly ignoring what you agreed.

I think if they're not making loads of noise, mess, and they're just in her room, then I'd just suck it up. You can surely read / watch Netflix/ do some housework with someone in your house (though understand you might not feel comfortable still being in your pj's)

You said a "reasonable time"
Which could be defined as any sort of time tbh. Some might mean "before I get up" others "before lunch" others "before tomorrow tea" etc.
You should have said "sure but they need to be gone by Midday"

Also, its 2 17 year olds in a room who don't need you to cook for them etc. You can still shut your door and watch Netflix, read, not get dressed. That's probably what they are doing! She's right.

But make a big deal. Then your 17 year old will chose to spend all their time at their dads and you can get more time to yourself.

you are making a mountain out of a molehill

your daughter and a friend are holed up i. her bedroom

just get on with your shit and don’t give a hoot what you look like

as i say… if they were 7 and running around i’d understand

but they are 17 and keeping themselves to themselves by the sounds of it

what’s “reasonable time” though?