Scared at home

[RightSaidFredd0]

Hi everyone, sorry to post here, I just needed some quick responses.

I have anxiety and a couple of my main symptoms are being easily startled and overthinking to extreme levels.

I am home alone almost every weekend. I manage fine in the day but once it hits night time and I'm in my room, I feel terrified. I have very noisy neighbours (screaming, shouting, crying, banging for the majority of the day, everyday) and because they are so loud, it sounds like the noise is coming from my house, like someone is stomping upstairs. I also cannot get used to the noises the house makes, mainly creaky floor boards when the house cools down. Because of all this noise, I get so paranoid that someone is in my house or that the banging is someone trying to break in.

When I get tired, I find myself trying to fight the sleep as I'm too scared to fall asleep, I also keep a baseball bat next to my bed. I've checked door handles and windows multiple times to make sure they're locked and checked all of the rooms in the house. I have to check that the doors are actually locked and I have to film myself locking them otherwise I end up convincing myself that they're actually open, same with the windows. I usually check everything 4 times or more otherwise it doesn't feel right.

I appreciate that this sounds nuts but could really do with some advice to help me get some rest tonight.

Thank you x

I used to be exactly like you. Particularly when I was much younger and my parents would go away for the weekend I’d hardly sleep and was terrified at night. We had been broken into 3x so I had reason to be scared.
i had to move away for it to really settle down. I live in a big house and sleep with both doors open so my old dog can get out for a poo at night and never worry. It’s a combination of age and my new location I think.
if you can’t move I would increase your home security - so window kicks, deadlocks on the doors etc. then the only way in would be really noisy / window smashing etc and you’d know that little creaks and bumps are just the house settling or a bird or something.
Def increase security to the point you feel safe and is see a GP too maybe some anti anxiety meds will help just for a year or so?

Window locks sorry …

Ah op, I'm sure most of us can identify with feeling that way when home alone or just moved into a new house and it's horrible so I empathise with you feeling it so regularly it must be awful.

When I lived alone I really struggled with this. I would have had a routine of locking up, making sure everything was secure before I went to bed and I found that playing rain noise on an app on my phone helped a lot because it helped me concentrate on that sound rather than anything else in the house. I also got a few things that I felt added to my home security like a wedge for my bedroom door etc.

I would suggest you get some counselling or speak with your gp, in my case it was a result of previous trauma and from having been broken into before and it would really help to identify the cause of your feelings and develop some good strategies for dealing with it.

Things like a nice calming bath before bed, being mindful of what you're reading/ watching, a nice herbal tea and some calming music and meditation before bed etc can really help set you up as well as getting plenty of exercise during the day and having a routine bedtime to help your body fall into the rhythm of sleep. I agree with others going to bed earlier makes it much easier than going to bed later.

Getting to know my neighbours was helpful and it was nice to know that we would look out for each others homes. It also felt more comforting as I got to know their routine and could hear them moving around that someone I knew was nearby. Going to bed earlier means you're more likely to hear those sorts of noises as you're getting over rather than the house settling.

Sorry you are experiencing this OP.

I second getting a cat. Not only will it give you something to focus on and help reduce anxiety, but a cat will be able to sense well before you do if something or someone is lurking. If you hear something and the cat's not bothered, you won't be either.

Also - can you reframe the neighbour noise as something positive? i.e. that the neighbours are within shouting distance so if there was a problem you could get help?

My daughter was like you when she first moved into her own place alone op.
She got dad to fit locks on her interior doors, which helped to settle her. Is this something that you could consider? It doesn't have to be a lock and key, just a small bolt would do.
She also used to leave the light and TV on in her lounge for the first few nights, as though she was still up and about until she got used to being alone.

You need professional support. Extra security will only feed the anxiety, not cure it.

Hi OP, sorry you feel this way!

I am a Psychotherapist (CBT specifically)c

OCD is an anxiety disorder and checking things multiple times and filming this for reassurance are key behaviours.

Please speak to your GP and get a referral for your local wellbeing team. You can also do this yourself online (google LINCOLNSHIRE wellbeing team/IAPT for example).

Wellbeing teams provide CBT at 2 different intensities. The initial low intensity treatment is only 6-8 sessions and provides CBT INFORMED techniques for depression, worry and panic, not proper full CBT but it's a starting point.

If this doesn't work or people are presenting with other disorders such as OCD, social anxiety, PTSD, health anxiety etc they will be seen at a higher intensity level of CBT. This is a full course of treatment with a qualified CBT therapist.

A full assessment will determine which level you start at but if you present with many symptoms of the ones listed above, a full course of treatment should be offered.

Just to say that CBT is a short term therapy. Most teams are limited to 12-16 sessions depending on the person and the problem.

CBT is a very practical type of therapy that completely depends on the individual making the consistent changes learned in therapy.

I hope your anxiety becomes manageable for you, CBT can definitely help. See what the waiting times are like and consider private if they are too long.

Also, if your assessor feels you do indicate further symptoms of OCD - the booked "Overcoming OCD" by Veale and Willson is fantastic. It's a self help book based on CBT - Veale has developed a lot of anxiety treatment models within OCD.

Overcoming Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, 2nd Edition: A self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques (Overcoming Books) amzn.eu/d/doNuyLW

There are further books in the "Overcoming" range which are fantastic - for health anxiety, social anxiety, low self esteem etc.

I was going to say this too! My dog would make a racket if there was an actual stranger about, so when he's quiet I'm happy to ignore the weird sounds (and there are many in my old creaky house!) I hope you find a solution as your situation sounds really stressful

Most likely next steps after seeing GP would be referral for talking therapy and/or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). Though (assume you are in UK?) not sure what currents waiting list is. Something else they may suggest is anti anxiety medication such as sertraline.

there’s lots of resources online from OCD charities. OCD UK used to have a helpline but not sure if they still do.

A quick solution would be a door stopper under your side of the bedroom door or a lock on the inside of your bedroom.

I live in a terrace and when you step out, it's a public footpath immediately, no private driveway. Would setting up a camera/ring doorbell still be allowed in these circumstances?

im not sure, but you could use internal ones, eg at the bottom of the stairs pointing at the front door. This means nobody can come upstairs without you knowing (which comforts me). Also, unlike an alarm you just get an alert on your phone rather than an alarm that frightens you out of your skin.
(My external ones are often triggered by cats).

Not necessarily true. Without security, I'm anxious. With it, I'm completely at ease. It doesn't transfer on to anything else. I just have a total fear of being broken into whilst I'm in the house.

Morning everyone, I managed to sleep ok. I didn't expect so many replies, thank you!

Unfortunately, I can't get a cat or dog as I work full time, I also have to travel a lot for work, sometimes requiring overnight stays.

As previously mentioned, I live with my mom, so I will speak to her with regards to extra security as it's not really my home to be adding things to.

I did fall asleep to some rain sounds which helped a little and I didn't wake up through the night either.

I will either do a self referral or try and book a doctors appt.

I'm a bit stressed about being able to get to sleep this evening though as I have work in the morning, so I won't be able to stay awake.

This ☝🏻When I had cbt for similar behaviours it highlighted that the recordings I made of me doing checks was reconfirming repeatedly a belief in myself that I couldn’t trust my own recall of having done them and couldn’t trust myself that I’d done them “properly”. I had to stop recording completely.

Please do not investigate extra security. That is not the problem. Whatever security you have in place it will never be enough until you deal with the origin of the problem.

As others have said it sounds as though you have OCD. It is an anxiety related illness. CBT was very effective in helping my daughter manage her OCD. It’s not cured, but she now has techniques to help her manage it so that the impact on her life is hugely reduced. She also takes a low level dose of Sertraline; which is indicated to assist in the management of the condition. My advice is to prioritize getting an appointment with your GP as soon as you can.

Mine are definitely a handy extra set of ears when I'm asleep and like you, I feel better for it.

I'm not sure I'd recommend anyone got a dog for this reason though, particularly someone who may be displaying signs of OCD.

I have suffered from (diagnosed) OCD in the past. Not all OCD sufferers worry about contamination/hygiene. I had a dog throughout my OCD days and it never bothered me once.