Scared at home

[RightSaidFredd0]

Hi everyone, sorry to post here, I just needed some quick responses.

I have anxiety and a couple of my main symptoms are being easily startled and overthinking to extreme levels.

I am home alone almost every weekend. I manage fine in the day but once it hits night time and I'm in my room, I feel terrified. I have very noisy neighbours (screaming, shouting, crying, banging for the majority of the day, everyday) and because they are so loud, it sounds like the noise is coming from my house, like someone is stomping upstairs. I also cannot get used to the noises the house makes, mainly creaky floor boards when the house cools down. Because of all this noise, I get so paranoid that someone is in my house or that the banging is someone trying to break in.

When I get tired, I find myself trying to fight the sleep as I'm too scared to fall asleep, I also keep a baseball bat next to my bed. I've checked door handles and windows multiple times to make sure they're locked and checked all of the rooms in the house. I have to check that the doors are actually locked and I have to film myself locking them otherwise I end up convincing myself that they're actually open, same with the windows. I usually check everything 4 times or more otherwise it doesn't feel right.

I appreciate that this sounds nuts but could really do with some advice to help me get some rest tonight.

Thank you x

Could you put a lock on your bedroom door? That might help you sleep better?

I'm sorry to read about your anxiety and it is very understandable. I live in a rural area and hate being alone overnight when my OH is away, but to cope I use a plug in stair light to indicate someone at home and fall asleep to a relaxing audiobook.

I've found a portable lock online than I'm going to get, thank you!

Do you do any exercise?
It's good to move and exercise because stress and anxiety work to get your body to either fight or take flight, in other words, move. It can help you to manage your anxiety better.

Ring doorbells also have systems that are only triggered if a door is opened. We have one and I find it so reassuring when I’m home alone overnight. They’re pretty easy to fit.

Oh I really feel for you. I used to have panic attacks in similar situations. Mine was anxiety, which was linked to childhood trauma.

Things that helped me:

Therapy to help deal with the trauma and learn tools to calm my breathing

Medication, not suitable for everyone but really helped me.

We do now have a ring door bell which is reassuring as I can check if I do hear a noise.

Calm app, playing sleep stories helped me to relax

It's tempting to try and stay awake to the point of exhaustion but actually tired can make the fears and anxiety so much worse.

I also found exercise in the day, yoga before bed and healthy dinner helped me to get to sleep

Glad luck OP 💐

Yes, I do some exercise but not everyday. I'll see if it helps by doing more, thank you x

Thank you, i had no idea that staying up could make things worse.

I have youtube premium so I can play something relaxing on there with the phone locked tonight xx

Get some ear plugs and get some white noise playing...it really will help

If you can afford private then even better. I did CBT through the NHS and psychotherapy privately. They gave me a few coping mechanisms which helped. I hope you find what helps for you OP.

I developed checking behaviours (and would record myself doing the checks) after experiencing stalking. I self referred to my local mental health support. In my area it’s called iapt and it’s often called the same in other areas so have a google. They screened me and said I met the criteria for ocd. Although I never pursued an official diagnosis the screening meant I qualified for cbt which I completed online with a therapist. Since doing the work with a therapist I very rarely engage in checking behaviours. The only time I do it now is if I’m going on holiday but I give myself a break for that as it’s a rarity. Please seek support. It can get better.

Hi @RightSaidFredd0 , it sounds like you've got a good few ideas here and I really hope you're able to get a peaceful night's sleep tonight, knowing you have some plans.

In the meantime, I see some people have recommended herbal tea. I just came in here to suggest that you try these Pukka night time teabags. I used to have the most dreadful insomnia (just because I'm old, damn menopause!), then my friend gave me a couple of these to try and honestly they helped enormously even from the very first night. I have one about 15 minutes before I go to bed and I really do have a much more restful sleep.

OCD is anxiety related - it’s a tool some people use to try and reduce their anxiety. Google ocd checking or look at ocd uk website

I recommend the Feeling Good Handbook for dealing with invasive thoughts like this - it's a very practical workbook that helps you work through these sorts of ovewhelming feelings and stop triggering your anxiety - and it's generally quite an interesting read as well about how anxiety takes hold and how we can get over some specific anxieties by reframing them.

It sounds like noisy, stressful neighbours are a trigger for this, but there are ways of thinking your way past the worry. I hope you can find some peace of mind soon.

Agreed. I won't have an alarm for this very reason. I have everything else tho....cameras, dog, lockable internal doors etc. Get a door jammer for your room. Even if someone did break in, they physically couldn't get to you with that behind the door.

Please don’t feel stupid. This is a completely common experience shared by many people. There can be lots of reasons why we feel like this, but none of them are stupid and the good news is that once we start to understand them, many of them can be overcome. Good luck

Could you get a dog? I feel far safer with a dog in the house. Dogs are a deterrent because they are noisy. Doesn’t even need to be a scary dog!

If this helps… I have OCD and I used to be like this when I first started living in my own with my kids. I had to check every single little possible hiding place , but I taught myself that after all the doors and windows were locked and I had checked once I knew it was safe.
j always had an imagined escape route if anything was to happen.
the second house I lived was smaller but noisier
the third one I’m in now is noisier again but I don’t feel any of this anymore.
if it’s OCD you have to accept the uncertainty for you to get better.

Getting a cat helped me a lot - I had something to blame all the random house noises on that was safe and the cuddles did wonders for my mental health.

Talk to a GP though as they will be able to help.

You could be talking about me so I can really sympathise. I'm probably not much help as I haven't solved this issue for me yet but thankfully I'm rarely alone at night now.

Things to avoid are getting out of bed to check anything and going to bed late.

I generally leave every light in the house on and sleep with tv and bedroom light on which doesn't equal a great night's sleep, I also sometimes barricade myself into my room which sounds particularly unhinged now I've typed it out! I've even considered getting a lock for my door.

It's very unlikely anything will happen and its just our brains being unhelpful but you are not alone. I strongly suggest you get to the doctors or self referral to MH services if available and I'll do the same 😊

You live with your mum.
Can you go into her when you feel like this for reassurance ?

Can you work nights temporarily?

Have you lived elsewhere? If you have, how was that?

is your mum fit & able? I sleep less well & 'hear' more noises when my mum stays or a child as I feel responsible for them too, when I stay over at friends I sleep deeper. I think I feel protected?!

Has anything happened to make you feel so scared about someone breaking in?

Definitely speak to your GP about therapy, which helped me, but also be open minded about medication which can be very helpful for a time. I needed sertraline as well as the therapy. I resisted it for years as I was anxious about taking it (obviously!) but it was a game changer for me. I had significant OCD and now I am much more relaxed.

I've been there too OP, and it's very debilitating. You have my sympathies. The thing that cured me was having children. I went from a kind of passive, defence frame of mind to an aggressive don't you bloody dare attitude. As long as I knew that they were safe, I didn't worry so much about myself. I guess that's not much help to you just now though.