To become little miss judgeyknickers about a CM i encountered today

[lucyellensmum]

I'm sorry, i just can't help myself, ive tried to resist posting (for about five minutes i have you know!!) about a CM DP and i encountered today. Totally none of our business, its hardly child abuse but.....I don't know who to judge more, the parents for leaving thier children with this woman or her.

I have seen this woman on more than one occasion with children in cafe, often thought, oh, she looks about as lonely as i am. Often there with two children in buggy, never get out of buggy etc, while she drinks coffee - ok, i do this with DD, although she gets a babychino and gets to run around and be a pain. Bit off i thought, considering you are being paid to look after these children. But today took the biscuit, She struggles into cafe behind DP and myself today (i'll die if she mns it will be so obvious, but im suitably disgusted so...) with a phil and teds with toddler in front seat, shopping in baby carrier and baby in her arms, how she didnt drop the poor wee mite i'll never know.

She sits down and generally starts moaning about the baby, how she has been screaming, how she just has to have a coffee and organise a bottle, spends 10 minutes talking to the guy in the deli before getting baby a bottle. Just seems to have no affection for the baby whatsoever, just pokes bottle in her mouth and says things like, come on, youve got your bottle now, the woman looks stressed to the hilt (i know that feeling so well) and sits and whinges to DP about the baby, tells him, oh shes not mine i child mind, then goes on to inform us that she is really poorly, after she had vomitted up her bottle and cough cough coughed everywhere. Then moans to a passing friend about how hard her day is and generally whinges about how hard her job is.

You know what, it is a hard job, and if i thought this woman a harrased mother i would be, fuck, you poor cow, i know just how you feel. But you would think wouldnt you that as a CM, you might actually like what you do, AND do something a little bit more constructive with your mindees time. Yes visit the cafe, as a treat for them, but do bear in mind you are being paid to look after these children and to me, that means, a little more than just make sure they don't keel over or walk in front of a bus.

So yes, i am being judgey judgey judgey, but shit, there is no way that i would leave my children with this woman and i just can't help but wonder if she puts on a very different front to the parents.

Some of these stories are awful.

God those poor children and their parents

MML. If an OFSTED inspecror has a list of CMs within a reasonable radius who are due an inspection - why couldn't it work?

If it meant meeting CM x at such and such a school during their drop-offs, why not?

A list of 10 CMs would surely yield at least two spot inspections, which would make it worthwhile, surely?

I don't see the point of any non spot-inspections, TBH. A nursery or CM can make sure they have activities/are not over ratio easily with enough notice.

well when we're happy there's nothing to say.

my cm has been looking after ds for nearly 2 years now (he is almost 3). her own son is four months younger and she has just included mine with her own. she takes them for an activity every morning and to the park in the afternoon. i get photos, write ups and ds mixes with the school pick up mindees. it is a second family.

To be fair, there are many complaints about lots of things, its human nature, we dont tend to want to jump onto mumsnet and say, fuck me, you wont believe what i saw today, there was a CM and she was just being so lovely to her mindees, maybe this is because this is more what we would expect to see anyway.

People have said to me to become a CM, i would, quite frankly boil my head, not because i think its a shit job, not because i dont like children (i love them) but because i know i would not be good at it, i would always favour my DD and couldnt get past that - but thats me and im frankly, weird.

I'm really not happy with the way cm's are being expected to run the same way as nurseries. I understand COMPLETELY that the rules are for my protection and that of the children, but the whole point of a CM over nursery, is that many parents want an environment as close to their family home as they can get. My house currently has no smoking posters, certificates, and health & safety posters on the wall. I have various registers and forms and diaries to be signed every day and various duties that I have to carry out on my house everyday before they arrive. On top of this, no-one can even fart without getting written permission from the parents and countersigned by me! Umpteen other things, too many to mention. In September, we will be starting The Early Years Foundation Scheme, where I have to set out clear plans for teaching 0 - 5 year olds. This to me, is the last straw. Does that mean that children who are lucky enough to have SAHM loose out and subsequently don't do as well at school? I don't know, but it was the straw that broke the camels back.

Yes, I will agree, that it was good for me as a job when dd was little and yes, it seemed like a good idea, but I took it on wholeheartedly for the love of all children. DD is 12 now, so she doesn't need me at home, so its time for me to move on. Really don't want to, but Ofsed have driven me to it.

Bubble have a look at my earlier post about the cost implication of spot checks.

I of course would welcome spot on my practice

Ha ha spot check

We need more people like you Maureen!! But all the CM or people thinking of being childminders that I know do it for the money and convenience of being able to work around their own children. I've never heard one person say they were a CM because they love children so much.

I've had conversations with people saying that they want the maximum number of children allowed (I don't know what it is) because they can earn xx, and they want children at school so they only have to do the drop offand then only have them for a few hours until they get picked up.

I know all jobs are about money, but in my mind if you work with children there has to be some sort of love and care there. I find it a bit worrying.

MML. I am a nursery owner and I agree that the whole inspection thing has got out of hand.

Our parents want to know that their child is given a cuddle when they need it and that we know all about them - in the same way that a family member would. I know that child X loves broccoli but that child Z doesn't, for example.

I am sick of the govts B***cks. We have to display posters with arsey curriculums that no parent is remotely interested in.

But, Bunnies. Isn't it crap that a bad CM is given enough notice to hide the turkey twizzlers and get out the carrot sticks?

It makes an 'outstanding' meaningless which must P good CMs off, big time.

If it's any use, I can tell you that I do not fill my quota each day, I have one unfilled space Mon to Thurs because I feel that another child in the mix would be too many, and that I could not balance the needs of all the children fairly.
So yes, I miss out on another £xxx per week for that reason

Crap CMs make me really really angry

Bunnies. See, you are what I would want in a CM.

Like bad nurseries , there are some truly frightening CMs around. We had one last week (unregistered, I suspect) who had managed to pick up a bit of business when a local after school club closed down. She and her mate tried to 'sell' us the 8 children they had in tow if we would give them jobs.

We declined.

Both of my current cms do it because they love children. Honestly. They're fantastic.

Unregistered, unregulated care is even worse.

Anyway, off to bed, have prepared my easter cards/cut out card template for easter basket/ shredded tissue paper all ready for tomorrow.

I don't think children with a sahm will lose out at all in regards to their education as it's been proved that it's better for children to start their education later.

I think it's Sweeden where they don't start school until 7 but they do better than children here at 14 or so. Teaching children early doesn't make them better at all. They should be playing at that age and not doing homework etc.

Far better in the early years that they have the opportunity to play more and have imaginative play; then when they're older they are more prepared.

Maybe all the new rules will weed out the deadwood, so to speak. Maybe if someone is doing it just for the money, they will be put off by all the paperwork and rules that go with it. I can assure you, it looks like a good earner on paper, but once you factor in all the time you spend preping and paperwork, at the weekend and evening, it ain't. Its below the minimum wage, thats for sure! If you want to work with children and you have youngsters of your own, then it is perfect. I did, still do. I also run my own Rainbow unit, so I won't loose touch with under 8's entirely!

I think maybe the OP's cm in the coffee shop has just lost touch with why she does it. As Boys and I have said, several times, there are thousands of good cm's out there. There have only been half a dozen bad ones discussed on here. That's a very samll percentage. If you were going to have your house re-wired, you'd research and take a recommendation. Do the same with CM's, you will find a gem somewhere!

MaureenMLove, I haven't personally used a CM, but I went to see many of them when I first had DD and I was really shocked. Some of them didn't even look at my DD and showed no interest whatsoever. I should not tar all of you with the same brush, you are absolutely right. I use nurseries for my children and although I know there are many bad nurseries out there I get very peeved when people suggest all nurseries are bad. I do have several friends who have wonderful childminders and funnily enough my best friend is a CM too. I think they are hard to come by though. I think they are probably booked up because people know they are good. The ones I see in our area seem to have so many children, the ration freaks me out and just don't seem to interact with them at all.....

JodieG1, you are right in Sweden they don't start school before 6/7. Personally I started at 7 1/2 in Sweden, but they don't stay at home either. They attend nursery and they have a sort of pre-school in nursery, but yes its a lot more play and running around than for British children the same age!

oh im so sad to hear all these sotries of bad cm's ..i DO take my indees into cafe at local park, but well all get out and sit down once food is ordered and yes i let them have chips, but its a treat, at home we have [pasta, veggies, potatos, fresh meat, loads of fruit)lots of healthier options..
sounds like shes incredibly unhappy doing this job and shouldnt continue if she feels this way, i havy bad days were mindees are all up to mischief, but its just a day, their just children, they dont do things to intentionally wind people up, they test boundries, they cry,shout for no reason..thats life, its how we handle that and turn it around that makes us better cm's(and parents)

initially i can hold my hands up and say i got into cm'ing as i couldnt afford to do the 3yr full time midwifery course i wanted to go on, and as i wanted to birng dd up myself(also due to financial reasons) thats when i began training to beocme a cm...i was most upset as my first mindee i didnt bond with although i did everything i should for her, she was treated well, cared for, played with etc etc..and was thinking i wasnt cut out for it, when i got my second mindee and it just clicked..i relaised you can t 'LOVE' all your mindees, but as an adult and a mother, you cant help but care for these children and have their best interests at heart.
Now i ahve mndees whom i ADORE(one of whom was due to leave today and cant come as hes ill, so am very very sad), we do loads of fun things, visits, making lots of seasonal things and generally have ltos of fun.

Also i disagree about ofsted, i was terrified when i was due my inspection, it was light having a torch shone in your eyes for 2 hours and im constantly on training course after training course..however i do know cm's who DO do this job and do as little as possible care and training wise, so god knows how they get through??

I've never met a bad cm tbh The two that go to the same playgroup as me are really lovely, very experienced and kind and affectionate with their mindees.

My DD went to CM from the age of 1 ,2 days a week and i can honestly say that I rarely thought about my DD when i was working because I knew she was completely safe and totally happy with the CM . She got to do things that i wouldnt have had the imagination or im ashamed to say inclination to do. There are many,many fantastic dedicated CMs out there who care for their mindees like their own. I personally wanted her to go to a CM because I hated the thought of her going into a nursery so young (i know there are some fabulous nurseries too ) and wanted her to be with one person who genuinely cared .

ofsted visited my CM on a day in the summer holidays when she had no mindees. she told them she would have no mindees that day, so maybe better to come on a day when she had some, but oh no ofsted came when was best for them.