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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To become little miss judgeyknickers about a CM i encountered today

72 replies

lucyellensmum · 18/03/2008 16:30

I'm sorry, i just can't help myself, ive tried to resist posting (for about five minutes i have you know!!) about a CM DP and i encountered today. Totally none of our business, its hardly child abuse but.....I don't know who to judge more, the parents for leaving thier children with this woman or her.

I have seen this woman on more than one occasion with children in cafe, often thought, oh, she looks about as lonely as i am. Often there with two children in buggy, never get out of buggy etc, while she drinks coffee - ok, i do this with DD, although she gets a babychino and gets to run around and be a pain. Bit off i thought, considering you are being paid to look after these children. But today took the biscuit, She struggles into cafe behind DP and myself today (i'll die if she mns it will be so obvious, but im suitably disgusted so...) with a phil and teds with toddler in front seat, shopping in baby carrier and baby in her arms, how she didnt drop the poor wee mite i'll never know.

She sits down and generally starts moaning about the baby, how she has been screaming, how she just has to have a coffee and organise a bottle, spends 10 minutes talking to the guy in the deli before getting baby a bottle. Just seems to have no affection for the baby whatsoever, just pokes bottle in her mouth and says things like, come on, youve got your bottle now, the woman looks stressed to the hilt (i know that feeling so well) and sits and whinges to DP about the baby, tells him, oh shes not mine i child mind, then goes on to inform us that she is really poorly, after she had vomitted up her bottle and cough cough coughed everywhere. Then moans to a passing friend about how hard her day is and generally whinges about how hard her job is.

You know what, it is a hard job, and if i thought this woman a harrased mother i would be, fuck, you poor cow, i know just how you feel. But you would think wouldnt you that as a CM, you might actually like what you do, AND do something a little bit more constructive with your mindees time. Yes visit the cafe, as a treat for them, but do bear in mind you are being paid to look after these children and to me, that means, a little more than just make sure they don't keel over or walk in front of a bus.

So yes, i am being judgey judgey judgey, but shit, there is no way that i would leave my children with this woman and i just can't help but wonder if she puts on a very different front to the parents.

OP posts:

FairyMum · 18/03/2008 21:25

Would never ever leave my children with a CM. You might as well pick any old woman off the street and ask her to look after your child.

cheesesarnie · 18/03/2008 21:31

FairyMum .what?might as well pick someone off the street wtf!do you think people dont check out the cms first?

FairyMum · 18/03/2008 21:32

No, I meant anyone can be a CM. My cat could get Ofsted approval!

Heated · 18/03/2008 21:39

Stupid Q alert, but you can pay someone to look after your child who is not a registered CM can't you?

2GIRLS · 18/03/2008 21:59

I sgree fairymum, I know so many people that have just decided to become childminders and there has never been any problem for them and it didn't seem that difficult.

An inspector type went to see one of my friends and passed her and told her to start advertising.
Based on what? Her only experience of children was her own only child and anyway her mum and mil looked after her while friend worked full time.
She only wanted to be a CM because she had just had 2nd baby and couldn't go out to work because she didn't have a babysitter.

MaureenMLove · 18/03/2008 22:09

FairyMum, I take it you have had a bad experience with a CM, have you? Please, please, please don't tar us all with the same brush. I had only the experience of one child when I started minding, just like everyone else who choses this job. I have built up a very success business minding other people children and this in reflected in the fact that I have been full for 12 years and I have NEVER advertised - not once. Each and every parent came to me through recommendation. I a very proud of that and I am very proud to call myself a cm (for a few weeks only, folks!)

hippipotami · 18/03/2008 22:09

My best friend became a childminder 4 years ago. Her youngest was about 18 months old then.
She did a college course. Then had an Ofsted inspection. Then advertised. Since then she has gone on to do another college course which according to her most childminders should do. She also has had at least one if not two more Ofsted inspections.

She is a truly fab childminder. She always has seasonal activities planned with the children, from rengoli patterns at diwali, to pancake tossing on pancake day, to easter bonnets this week.
She also takes the children on nature walks at least weekly, they collect sticks and make pictures with them.
She takes them to the park, to the art gallery, to the occasional ball play area (where she goes on the climbing frame with them) to the zoo, petting farm etc etc .
She has endless patience, all her mindees adore her. My own dc adore her (no she does not childmind them, they just love her)

She has a natural affinity with children. As well as being a CM she gives up her own time to run a toddler group, and helps out in her dd's reception class once a week.

Yes she chose to become a CM because it fits in with her dc, but she is one of those poeple who is just fabulous with children, and it shows.

So there are exceptional CM's out there. You just have to look for them

marmadukescarlet · 18/03/2008 22:10

I had recently moved house when I had DD, was returning to work and was over the moon to find a reg CM with spaces in the road - got list from local council/education.

Anyway changed mind and became SAHM. A few months later this CM's alcoholic DH beat her up and police cars came hurtling up the street. According to all the curtaintwitchers neighbours it was a regular occurance.

BoysAreLikeBunnies · 18/03/2008 22:12

I agree, Mo

See my post earlier

Please don't all go out to bash CMs, everyone

MrsMattie · 18/03/2008 22:12

People have bad days.

marmadukescarlet · 18/03/2008 22:14

I have since met, at toddler group, several lovely CMs like hippi's friend - but none of them ever have vacancies!

fishie · 18/03/2008 22:21

it is such a shame people are prejudiced about childminders. i have come across mothers who don't want to leave their children with them because they don't want them to form a bond with one individual, so insecure. my cm is brilliant and i know that she could fill all her places many times over.

while we have our judging pants on... those lumpen teenage fagsmoking girls in polo shirts at my local nursery. not near my child thanks.

runkid · 18/03/2008 22:22

I have a great childminder and i chequed her out first i went on recommendation and i had a great feeling when i went to see her. All her children had been with her for years. Not all childminders are bad its like everything in this world,some are in it because they love looking after children.

mummypig · 18/03/2008 22:28

I had a wonderful CM for a year who looked after ds1 and ds2 for me, did great activities, cooked great food and clearly enjoyed being with them and cared about them. Then she moved away. I am currently looking for another one but all the good ones (and there are several in our area) are completely full.

But I have seen other people just like you mention in the op and thought exactly the same - do the parents really know what the cm is doing/not doing with their kids? Or are they in such a tight situation they have to leave the kids with someone so unsuitable?

It's a shame that the new Ofsted regulations will probably scare away lots of people like Maureen who really care about what they are doing, whereas the ones who don't care but are able to jump through hoops if necessary will probably carry on .

And I agree with 2girls, too, in that other people have suggested it to me but I just know I wouldn't be suitable. Looking after my own kids, and their friends from time to time, is quite enough for me!

Bubble99 · 18/03/2008 22:34

Spot checks on CMs are the way to go, I reckon.

Good CMs would welcome this, I know - and it will catch the bad ones out.

Private nurseries have regular spot-checks, so why not CMs? At the moment, like state nurseries, they are told when they will be inspected.

Unsurprisingly both get a lot of 'outstandings.'

I read a thread here a while ago. 'What shall I feed my mindees while the OFSTED inspector is here next week?'

MaureenMLove · 18/03/2008 22:41

Great idea, but with a nursery, someone is always there. An Ofsted officer could go to 10 CM's a day and only find 2 in! They'd just say it was a waste of valuable resources. ATM, they advise you that they will drop in sometime during a certain time period. You can then say what times you will definately be out and when you won't have mindees. Last time I had a spot check, during the course of the 4 weeks given, I think there was actually only about 2 days when I was going to be in! Not much of a spot check!

BoysAreLikeBunnies · 18/03/2008 22:53

I understand that it's all about cost, bubble, the inspector might make many ineffective visits to a Cm before catching her in. And government departments have very tight budgets, no way would they countenance 'wasting'money on ineffective home visits. (Take it from one who used to be a Visiting Officer for another govt department)

SlartyBartFast · 18/03/2008 22:56

actually i heard a CM talking about her charge in a disdainful way, He's not mine....
fortunately she stopped being his CM and I then told the mum how horrible I had heard her being!

MaureenMLove · 18/03/2008 23:00

I am appauled and ashamed of some of the stories on here.

hifi · 18/03/2008 23:00

im sure most cms try and do their best but if it comes between the mindees and their own children i know who they are going to prioritise.
a friend of dh is a cm, we went for dinner, she has 5 children over the week, different times, she had an old plastic oven with mindees plates and cutlery and a video player with 3 videos. they were only allowed in that room, what the hell did they play with?
probably going to get slated but i think its a job for women who have little choice and that sometimes reflects in the care.

fishie · 18/03/2008 23:02

mml why are you giving up? surely not because of the regs because you must be pretty much meeting all of them anyway.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 18/03/2008 23:03

I feel a bit bad about starting this thread now, because it was just this one particular person that i had concerns about. Honestly, even my partner, who quite frankly couldnt give a shit about how other people parent kept looking at me and pulling faces and agreed that she was out of her depth. This woman was extremely well dressed and clearly didnt put her mindees first at all, very sad.

I guess it really does highlight that you need to check people with a fine tooth comb and not rely on ofsted. Its easy for me to judge being a SAHM i guess but i have considered going back to work at certain stages and im sure i can attribute several of my newly grey hairs to looking for suitable childcare.

I agree also with fishie was it who said about fag smoking teenagers at some nurseries. I have seen equally worrying behaviour by nursery staff when taking a group of children to the library. I may have even posted about it, hmmm, LEM has issues with childcare it would seem. I have issues fullstop to be honest .

It is a shame isnt it that we cannot be relaxed about chosing childcare with the only real worry being will personalities of minders and mindees match iyswim. Shame.

I have already bookmarked a CM who i would choose for DD should i have to, a lovely lady with lots of experience who takes her mindees to M&T and i have often seen her on the beach with them etc. Shes the one for me

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 18/03/2008 23:04

Not true hifi, not true AT ALL. If anything, MY dd has been put at all sorts of inconveniences because of the minded children in my care. I am being paid to look after the most precious things in the world to their parents and I will do EVERYTHING in my power to make sure that they are well cared for, loved and cherished in my home, whilst a parent is at work.

fishie · 18/03/2008 23:05

hifi that sounds vile.

hifi · 18/03/2008 23:07

sorry you think it sounds vile, im sure there are some good cms but there are generally so many complaints.

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