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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call and ask DH to come home from work?

35 replies

WinterSick · 12/01/2024 11:24

I'm looking after DC(1) at the moment who is at home with a fever, generally unwell and cannot be put down without hysterical crying. Every 5 minutes is asking for me to bf to feel better.
I've not felt right all morning, I've felt sick and cannot warm up. I had a nap with DC and since waking up I've been in the bathroom multiple times and it seems I've got D&V. I don't want to go into the graphics of it too much but I haven't been able to clean up missing the sink last time as DC has plodded in crying and desperate to be held. DC is also crying every time I'm sick.

DH is teaching today and I have no idea how I'm going to get through another 4/5 hours like this.

WIBU to ask if he can come home?

OP posts:
Mplpurple · 12/01/2024 11:30

OK. 1st thing get towels and wipe mess or place over if you really can't face it. Binliners on bedding and cover with more towels/bedding and bowl next to you. You and DC in bed, tv on and try to sleep.
H can do a shift when he gets home as is best for him not to be infected for a few more hours as by the time he develops it, you'll be on the mend.

ThinksALot · 12/01/2024 11:30

Yes, I would - you're too sick yourself to look after a very young, sick DC.

Hope it passes soon.

x88mph · 12/01/2024 11:33

Definitely not unreasonable to ask him to come home.. Difficult to look after anyone else when you're suffering with the first wave of a sickness bug.

DailyMailHater · 12/01/2024 11:37

You can ring and ask, but would he be able to, I wouldn’t be able to just leave my job, until cover had been arranged and sorted (unless an extreme emergency) and by the time that was done, it would be nearly time to go home already.

Polis · 12/01/2024 11:39

It’s not unreasonable to ask but, depending on the type of teaching he does, he might not be able to get cover or cancel at such short notice.

I hope you feel better soon.

Gymnopedie · 12/01/2024 11:40

If he's a teacher there's a very good chance the head wouldn't allow him to come home. I think you're going to have to get through the day as best you can and hope it eases soon.

I'm sorry, I know it sucks, but the reality of teaching is that time off for anything including funerals is often not given.

NotSuchASmugMarriedAnymore · 12/01/2024 11:41

Mplpurple · 12/01/2024 11:30

OK. 1st thing get towels and wipe mess or place over if you really can't face it. Binliners on bedding and cover with more towels/bedding and bowl next to you. You and DC in bed, tv on and try to sleep.
H can do a shift when he gets home as is best for him not to be infected for a few more hours as by the time he develops it, you'll be on the mend.

I think this is the best thing to do too.

Sunflower8848 · 12/01/2024 11:42

Any other family? Even a neighbour on the street who can lend a hand?

Homesweethome23 · 12/01/2024 11:43

Mplpurple · 12/01/2024 11:30

OK. 1st thing get towels and wipe mess or place over if you really can't face it. Binliners on bedding and cover with more towels/bedding and bowl next to you. You and DC in bed, tv on and try to sleep.
H can do a shift when he gets home as is best for him not to be infected for a few more hours as by the time he develops it, you'll be on the mend.

The above advice is the best thing to do.

sorry know it sucks being unwell and caring for another, I have done it many times myself but I do think you would be unreasonable to call your husband to come home from work.

get well soon.

EarlyLunchtimeDecisions · 12/01/2024 11:46

Drink some water & keep hydrated

Hope you feel better soon

N4ish · 12/01/2024 11:52

I'm going to sound very mean here but I think if you're well enough to come and post on Mumsnet then I think you can probably make it through a few more hours until your husband is home.

Throwing sheets or towels over the mess is a good idea. Hope you're on the mend soon.

IcedupTulip · 12/01/2024 11:53

I’d try and get through today as it’s the weekend tomorrow and H can take the weekend on and you can rest. In my school we wouldn’t be able to just leave as cover would need sorting and by the time it’s sorted it will be late anyway.

Thementalloadisreal · 12/01/2024 11:56

N4ish · 12/01/2024 11:52

I'm going to sound very mean here but I think if you're well enough to come and post on Mumsnet then I think you can probably make it through a few more hours until your husband is home.

Throwing sheets or towels over the mess is a good idea. Hope you're on the mend soon.

FFS typing a few paragraphs on your phone is not the same as puking and shitting for hours whilst nursing a feverish child with no support.

OP..Definitely not unreasonable to ask for help. This sounds horrid for you and your Little one, I hope you get some help soon.

Dyrne · 12/01/2024 11:59

Poor you, that sounds dreadful.

Unfortunately I agree with others that, although you can ask, the logistics of him arranging cover to actually get home may mean it’s nearly home time anyway. Ideally he’d be able to drop everything and come home to help but some jobs just don’t work like that.

Definitely get a message to him saying you’re ill and please come home as soon as he can (so at the very least as soon as lessons are done - no hanging around marking/speaking to colleagues or parents).

Agree Chuck some towels down and curl up in bed with DC. It may not feel like it at the moment but you will get through this. Set the bar at “surviving the day” and don’t worry about any mess etc.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/01/2024 12:07

Mplpurple · 12/01/2024 11:30

OK. 1st thing get towels and wipe mess or place over if you really can't face it. Binliners on bedding and cover with more towels/bedding and bowl next to you. You and DC in bed, tv on and try to sleep.
H can do a shift when he gets home as is best for him not to be infected for a few more hours as by the time he develops it, you'll be on the mend.

I think this.

If he had a different sort of job - if it was an office job like my job- I’d definitely say ask him to come home. But I suspect he wouldn’t be able to.

Is there any other emergency childcare you can access at all?

Otherwise he’ll have to just take over later- luckily it’s Friday!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/01/2024 12:07

But also yes send him a message to say come home as soon as you can and to warn him way lies in store.

Maray1967 · 12/01/2024 12:12

Good advice above. If you can, clean up quickly with kitchen roll or cloths and surface cleaner. Chuck cloths etc in bath if you can’t get back down stairs. Sit with bowl nearby. Message him so he knows you’re ill and can leave as soon as school finishes and pick up anything you need on the way home.

Thank God it’s Friday - hope you recover quickly.

Icantbedoingwithit · 12/01/2024 12:21

That’s a tough one. Very hard looking after a small child when you are sick yourself. Given the nature of his job I’d say it’s doubtful he can just leave. I agree totally with @Maray1967 . That is your best bet. Hope you feel better soon.

Nonomono · 12/01/2024 12:43

If you think your child is going to come to harm, then yes call him.

If not, grab a bucket, blanket and snacks curl up on the sofa and only move when absolutely necessary.

If your DC is crying for a cuddle whilst you’re being sick, then just ignore them.

I would only call DH in an emergency as it sounds like he’ll need time off any way if you get worse and when he gets it.

SnowsFalling · 12/01/2024 13:00

If nothing else, message DH, and get him to leave school as soon as the final bell goes.
Hope everyone is feeling better soon.

Rocknrollstar · 12/01/2024 13:01

I had trouble getting DH to come home from work when I was in labour. I phoned once or twice when I was really ill but he never came home. It’s almost impossible for a teacher to walk out unless it’s a case of life and death.

SophieinParis · 12/01/2024 13:05

We’ve all been there and it sucks. I had norovirus a few months ago whilst my 1 year old had the worst cold and temp. And my 7 year old had norovirus. And my 12 year old. And then I had to do the school run for the 4 year old. It was awful..but I got through using tv, throwing towels over mess and as soon as everyone was finally in bed I cleaned up and sprayed bleach on everything before husband got home.. horrible but you’ll get through!!

EdgarsTale · 12/01/2024 13:08

Sunflower8848 · 12/01/2024 11:42

Any other family? Even a neighbour on the street who can lend a hand?

A neighbour? I wouldn’t be going into a neighbour’s house full of sickness to look after them. No matter how much I like my neighbour!

OutYerEd · 12/01/2024 13:10

I would wait it out a bit and just message DH telling him to come home as soon as teaching finishes.

Its unlikely he could just leave in the middle of the day unless you were hospitalised or losing consciousness.

Hiddenvoice · 12/01/2024 13:12

I was in the exact same situation 2 months ago and I phoned my dh to come home. He wasn’t able to get away straight away but was able to leave a bit earlier which was still a massive help.
I’m a teacher and I know unless my dh phoned the school to get me then I wouldn’t be able to answer my phone until break and probably wouldn’t be able to get out of class unless there was another member of staff able to step in.