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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move because of neighbour

50 replies

inneedofadvicee · 12/01/2024 11:09

Name changed as it may be outing! Basically we've moved into a new house last year. Chatting with neighbours and it's come to light that the next door neighbour's son has been previously convicted for child sex offences and went to prison (online grooming of a teenager/trying to meet up with a 13 year old etc). It's a semi so they are directly attached - not sure if the son actually lives there but noticed him around recently. I want to move but DP thinks it's an overreaction and tbh we probably can't afford to move either. We have a young DD which is the main concern! AIBU to insist we sell up and move?

OP posts:
Charlieiscool · 12/01/2024 11:25

Just supervise your child. You know the risk so as long as you are aware it’s ok. Moving would be ridiculous because you could end up next to someone who does it but hasn’t been convicted. At least you know so be a parent.

AluckyEllie · 12/01/2024 11:28

Yes you are BU because there’s no guarantee the next house will be any different. They live among us and many have never been caught. This one has and so you will always be on guard and aware. Teach your child what is acceptable and non acceptable behaviour but don’t make them paranoid about him.

Original poster
inneedofadvicee · 12/01/2024 11:29

Thanks both - I think I might be reacting over emotionally to it. I guess it's also the (potentially irrational) feeling of being embarrassed and always known as the ones next to the paedophile!

OP posts:
CatamaranViper · 12/01/2024 11:33

I understand why you want to move, I think that urge to protect your child is totally reasonable.
However, PP's are right. At the very least, he is known. You can prepare your child and keep them away from him. If you move, you could end up right next door to someone worse, someone unknown.

It's horrendous that these people are everywhere and could be interacting with you on a daily basis without you knowing. Sure, avoid the ones you are aware of, but the best course of action is preparing your child.

Thementalloadisreal · 12/01/2024 12:50

I would move. I wouldn’t be able to relax, never leave DD unattended in the garden even briefly for example. It might be irrational or over the top but I wouldn’t be able to help it and I wouldn’t want to live with that feeling every day.

Bankholidayhelp · 12/01/2024 13:00

At least you know and can take steps/precautions. You could move next door to someone similar who just hasn't been caught.

If they are still on the sex offenders register then you may be able to access their risk assessment - not sure how this would work though to be honest. When something similar happened to us (pre trial) the police where very helpful

SusieSussex · 12/01/2024 13:01

I can understand your concerns because usually as they grow older you are wanting to give them a bit of independence to walk to school, be at home on their own for a bit rather than constant supervision. Obviously not yet, but in the future.

Original poster
inneedofadvicee · 12/01/2024 13:04

Thementalloadisreal · 12/01/2024 12:50

I would move. I wouldn’t be able to relax, never leave DD unattended in the garden even briefly for example. It might be irrational or over the top but I wouldn’t be able to help it and I wouldn’t want to live with that feeling every day.

Honestly this is exactly how I feel! It's the feeling like I'm constantly thinking about it. DD is only 5 at the moment

OP posts:
Thegoodbadandugly · 12/01/2024 13:06

At least you know about it, they say there's a peado on every street which is very alarming, so you can be very aware

Pygtrail · 12/01/2024 13:08

I would move.

kisstheblarney · 12/01/2024 13:09

AluckyEllie · 12/01/2024 11:28

Yes you are BU because there’s no guarantee the next house will be any different. They live among us and many have never been caught. This one has and so you will always be on guard and aware. Teach your child what is acceptable and non acceptable behaviour but don’t make them paranoid about him.

This

mumsytoon · 12/01/2024 13:15

So just don't leave your dd unattended? A 5yo is too young to be left in the garden unattended anyway? Glare him down when you see him and he will know to stay away 🤷‍♀️

ButterOllocks · 12/01/2024 13:28

Personally I'd move the thought of a former sex offender next door watching my DD would not let me rest easy. ... He went to prison which makes me feel what he did was maybe worse than you'd heard - even if he's moved out he will still have connections with the property visiting etc. Plus your DD's friends parents may also be aware and she my be affected by lack of her pals wanting to go to sleepovers/parties at your house So sorry OP
The other thought of me was that he MAY have been rehabilitated in prison- who knows
You can live in hope that they move

tara66 · 12/01/2024 13:36

Rather the devil you know than the one you don't. Won't this person be monitored by police?

Original poster
inneedofadvicee · 12/01/2024 13:42

Thanks all, bit of a mixed bag of responses. Obviously I have no intention of letting my 5 year old run around unsupervised in any event but a 5 year old turns into a 15 year old I can't control half as easily and I think that is more of the concern! The person was sent to prison, released and then caught by one of the vigilante paedophile chaser groups days after and then I believe put back into prison but is clearly out now. I think it's just upsetting as it feels like it has tainted the house we loved but it is true that at least we are aware so can be far more alert etc.

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 12/01/2024 13:43

It's tricky, but you could move and have all that hassle and end up next door to worse neighbours.
At least your aware of it and can be on your guard and just stay safe.
A few doors up from us the rumour was always that they were drug dealers. No idea if they were or not tbh, but there were people in and out a lot and it was mentioned to me more than once about their alleged activities
They have since moved out , but we just ignored it all and stayed civil but was relived when they did sell up and the new people seem fine.
Nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors , but I can understand why your concerned.

Prelapsarianhag · 12/01/2024 13:47

I would be planning to move. This man is already a recidivist. I would not want his nasty eyes on my child.

Falkenburg · 12/01/2024 13:50

How do you know for sure and have only other neighbours gossip that he is?

Original poster
inneedofadvicee · 12/01/2024 13:51

Falkenburg · 12/01/2024 13:50

How do you know for sure and have only other neighbours gossip that he is?

There is an article in local newspaper etc. so definitely true unfortunately

OP posts:
SusieSussex · 12/01/2024 13:52

Is that true there's a paedophile on every street? I thought it was about 1 in 100 people. I've never worried about my neighbours as they seem like normal family men, but maybe I'm being naive.

CatamaranViper · 12/01/2024 14:10

SusieSussex · 12/01/2024 13:52

Is that true there's a paedophile on every street? I thought it was about 1 in 100 people. I've never worried about my neighbours as they seem like normal family men, but maybe I'm being naive.

That's the problem though. Many appear as nice, normal men which is how they are able to get away with their crimes. An awful lot won't have been found out yet

MrsKwazi · 12/01/2024 14:13

Peadophile is attracted to children before they hit puberty. If he abused 13 year olds he is not a peadophile.

MaybeSmaller · 12/01/2024 14:16

Is that true there's a paedophile on every street? I thought it was about 1 in 100 people.

The highest estimate I've ever seen for the number of paedophiles in the UK is 144,000. That's a very high number but it doesn't equate to 1 in 100 people or one on every street. It's more like one person in every 500. And that's a high estimate, some estimates put it far lower than that.

I'm not convinced by the "devil you know" responses. If you move there's a fairly small chance you'll find yourself living next door to a paedophile. But if you stay you know 100% you're living next door to one, plus you know he's been to prison for a very serious offence.

Ericabro · 12/01/2024 14:17

I have a friend who was a senior police officer and they told me in most streets there is at least one sex offender

CatamaranViper · 12/01/2024 14:19

MrsKwazi · 12/01/2024 14:13

Peadophile is attracted to children before they hit puberty. If he abused 13 year olds he is not a peadophile.

Ah that's alright then Hmm