To move because of neighbour

[inneedofadvicee]

Name changed as it may be outing! Basically we've moved into a new house last year. Chatting with neighbours and it's come to light that the next door neighbour's son has been previously convicted for child sex offences and went to prison (online grooming of a teenager/trying to meet up with a 13 year old etc). It's a semi so they are directly attached - not sure if the son actually lives there but noticed him around recently. I want to move but DP thinks it's an overreaction and tbh we probably can't afford to move either. We have a young DD which is the main concern! AIBU to insist we sell up and move?

How the fuck does this help the OP exactly?

Her child is 5….

Aye but her child isn't Peter bloody Pan is she!

She will get older

I wouldn't move but I can understand how you feel. However, you don't know how long he and your neighbours will stay in their home so you might land up moving for nothing. As others have said he is a known quantity so you can take steps to protect your child but I would have thought as he's known to the police he would be unlikely to try anything which would get him sent to prison again.

They say that 1 in 20 children are sexually abused (although, that's probably a conservative estimate,unfortunately). And 30% of abuse is committed by a stranger. So, 70% of abuse is carried out by friends and family of the victim.

So, in reality, yes there's probably at least one, but likely more peadophiles in every street. And it's people that are close to the child that are more of a risk...

Obviously it's not right for him to groom young teens, but if he had gone after younger children, he would feel like more of a direct, immediate threat to a 5yo. This way, you have time to prepare your daughter before puberty and teach her to avoid him, unless you choose to move at that time. By then, maybe he'll already have moved on!

I certainly understand feeling uncomfortable about his presence and sullied by association with his family home, but I don't think you're at greater risk now than before, especially if you keep a distance from him.

As others have said if you moved you still might have one nextdoor.

I didn't know my neighbour was a sex offender until he and his wife moved (he seemed really friendly during our brief chats over the fence).

They moved out in a hurry, the next week he was all over the local newspapers. I'm glad he moved but I really wouldn't have had any idea that he would have been capable of those awful things.

I was in a similar position and discussed with a friend in CID.

He told me there wasn’t a road in our city where I would be too far from a known paedophile (and obviously that’s the tip of a horrible iceberg) so I decided to stay put. At least I knew the risk and could counter it.

As it was, the man moved away…

So, does he live next door or only visit? If he doesn't live there, then I'd have thought your risk was pretty low - even if he does live with his parents then he's likely to be being monitored, if he's not long out of prison.

I echo all those who say yes, you could move, but you've got no idea what you might end up living next door to elsewhere.

I would make sure there are not friendly chats with the neighbours. Keep distance

Educate your daughter as she grows on how to stay safe.

I would get a camera too incase he starts wondering around when you are not in.

If the son is now out, there should be a management plan in place; there may even be restrictions on where he can live etc. Your best bet would be to talk to the local police station and discuss your concerns, as it may be that he cannot stay at his parents with a child close by / they may need to revisit his management plan.

As others have said, however, at least you know who this one is and can keep an eye out, have security cameras etc, and can talk to your DD in an age-appropriate way about being safe.

If you move, you could end up next to one that hasn't yet been caught. Having been a witness in 2 cases and peripherally involved (mother of a witness) in 2 others, I can categorically say that the majority aren't the archetypal dirty old man.

Ultimately it's entirely up to you though, as only you know if you can a)cope with living there or b)afford to move. As a last thought, too -if you did sell, would you tell any family interested in the house exactly why you are selling, or leave them in the dark?

A lady I know lives next door to a convicted one. The fairly regular public attacks on his home etc have a huge knock on effect for her.

If you move you COULD end up next to worse, but you ARE living next to a sex offender currently. I think I would want to move because I would never feel comfortable with my child in the garden alone and I think I would end up overly watching him. Also sometimes vendetta’s do happen towards sex offenders and I would worry that my family could accidently get caught in the crossfire.

I would wait for a bit to move. You just settled there and he can get back to prison or move away soon or even die. Keep an eye on your daughter but in my neighbourhood I hardly see anybody. I would be more scared when she walk to school later but not so much now.

Sex offenders come in all shapes and sizes. They are of all ages and they do every job imaginable. This includes teachers, police officers, doctors etc. You never ever know. This is the reason why I never allow my DC to go on sleepovers.

Op, i feel for you. I would be so uncomfortable.

As others have said, at least you know. Realistically in regards to any other neighbour the best you can say is that you do not know. And the risk is significantly higher in relation to any males in the family and friendship circle.
If you want to move, move. But don't be under any illusion that there is less of a concentration of sex offenders per street. Also the vast majority never get convicted so never turn up on the register.
That said, if he is on the register he will be subject to certain conditions and it might be good to make sure authorities are aware that a young child lives next door.

Sorry, this comment made me laugh out loud.

Aye but her child isn't Peter bloody Pan is she! Some posters on Mumsnet really are funny.

I'd change the locks, maybe your previous owners gave next door a key to look after your house when they were away etc. I'd do that with any new property tbh.

Also secure your loft hatch, some properties have lofts that can be accessed from next door. Again, not specifically with him in mind, just simple home security.

If you move you COULD end up next to worse, but you ARE living next to a sex offender currently. I think I would want to move because I would never feel comfortable with my child in the garden alone and I think I would end up overly watching him. @SuperFurryCat
Yes exactly this. I’m not saying you’d be completely carefree anywhere else, but you wouldn’t know for certain that there is a sex offender next door, potentially watching your child out the window, learning her routine as she grows up, watching her friends. No way.

Re. my previous comment, leaving a 5 year old unsupervised in the garden doesn’t mean for hours I meant to pop to the loo or grab them a drink while they’re playing safely. You need to feel relaxed in your own home!

Wonder why the previous owners left

Double edged sword, like most things in life. A you know so not a hiding predator who comes across as trustworthy and he will be having to watch every move he makes
B being on edge and scared for your DD, also other parents knowing could bias friends visiting.

The reality is that with a five old girl you need to be careful all the time. Everywhere you move or go on holidays because you never know. They are called predators for a reason.

I was thinking of this. Lynch mobs often go after them or damage their houses.

I'd have to move. No way I could live next door to one of these vile reprobates without wanting to hurt him and I couldn't cope with having one so near to my child.

I'd probably move, but not urgently just as it suits

You do realise that they don't carry around a sign saying this most are 'normal' people, they may even be married with children themselves