Body size ..

[Theearthisntflat]

Everyone knows or should know that commenting on a persons figure isn't appropriate, especially when they're a stranger. However I find that it's more often the norm when the person is slimmer. Let me digress. I was in the supermarket today standing by the Pandoro 'cause I love myself an after Christmas bargain and this was only 59p for a big one and I only really notice them at this time of the year.

Anyway, alongside me there were 3 other women all eyeing up this bargain and they'd never had it before and they clearly saw the excitement in my eyes and 'woman A' asked me if I'd had it, I joyfully expressed how bloody delightful this sweet cake bread is... THEN, 'woman B' piped up and said 'Haha, bet she doesn't eat it, look how skinny she is, have you ever eaten cake?' and then 'Woman C' said 'If you eat that and stay that skinny perhaps I'll buy 2'. ((Side note, I actually bought 3)).

Now, I am small, I am petite, 5'3 and 7 stone ish, but that doesn't give the right for anyone to comment on someone elses figure. I wonder if a larger lady was standing by the salad they'd say 'perhaps you should eat more of that' or if they were near cake 'don't eat that cause you're already fat'... NO, I highly doubt they would because it's not okay to do that regardless of size, but why do people feel it's okay to say it to someone who's small?

It's not flattering or a compliment to have my slim frame confirmed to me, I know I am small, they don't know my circumstances of why I am small, could be a health issue or an eating disorder, they just don't know. It is in fact an eating disorder I have dealt with for 35 years!!! I am not proud or like the fact I struggle with body dysmorphia but I am grateful for the times I am not as bad and my disordered brain 'allows' me the odd treat.

AIBU for not liking the double standards when it comes to talking about peoples a strangers body shape?

I also have an ED (since 2007) and totally get your post.

no one should comment on someone’s else’s body regardless of size. You don’t know the effect it’s having on the person.

I think this is really good advice. You absolutely shouldn't have to and it would be really hard, but it might make people think and you may be helping others in the process. I've heard of people receiving chemotherapy being "complimented" on their weight loss.

I'm really sorry you've been called all those awful things, Theearthisntflat. That's terrible. 💐

I agree OP. It sucks both sides of the coin and needs to just stop all together.

Like I've said previously, my ED isn't something i relish in. I hate it. I don't actively try and lose weight, in fact it's the opposite 'cause I can see when I look smaller and it's not good, but unfortunately as an ED works, it's an unconscious thing for me now ... I will notice that I've stopped eating certain things and it hasn't even been a decision I have made to deliberately lose weight.

My step father has dementia and his latest thing is asking me up to 10 times a day 'have you lost weight?'... I know it's the dementia but it's still something that I don't particularly like hearing.

My mother has a habit of telling anyone who'll listen 'she doesn't eat' which is in fact a lie. I eat every single day!! I might not eat the food she does, or when she does, but I eat a meal every night. The carer who looks after my step father came in yesterday and he said 'I never see your food' and before I opened my mouth my mother tells him that I don't eat, I interjected 'I do eat, but i eat later when I've done all the work, bathed, fed the animals and I can relax'.

I was anorexic for years and very thin. I looked awful, but secretly I loved it when people commented on how thin I was. This all sounds very disingenuous of the OP to me.

For sure those people were rude but in no way is it comparable to the kind of abuse that a very overweight person gets on a daily basis!

@SilverBranchGoldenPears Yours is one experience, mine is another but similar to the OP. I hated the abusive comments, I didn't want to be so thin. I don't believe the OP is being disingenuous in the slightest.

@Theearthisntflat I had missed from your OP that you actually have an ED. I apologise for my unhelpful comment about your BMI.

I'm the same height/weight as you, and I've had comments. Yes, it's very rude.
But I do think intent is relevant. The women were trying (poorly) to be complimentary, which probably wouldn't be the case for comments about someone who was overweight.

I have also had comments that are not an attempt at compliments though.

How is the 'abuse' that overweight people get 'on a daily basis' worse?

Why do you think OP started this thread if she enjoys her weight being commented on? Then she'd just crack on, surely?

I doubt it was intended as complimentary considering the OPs weight. If she had been 8st, maybe, even though 'skinny' has negative connotations. Not at 7st though.

@SilverBranchGoldenPears

I'm really sorry you feel that my post is disingenuous, but I can assure you that I am not that at all. 6 out of 7 days someone makes a comment about my weight, whether it be family or friends, that too is really bothersome and mentally exhausting, but STRANGERS, no.... they have no right to say anything, not to me or anyone else.

I was thinking this is a good idea ... Then I remembered my friend, who was dying of cancer, talking about the massive breakfasts she ate to try and keep some weight on. Another woman said how she'd love to be able to eat all that and stay so thin!

My friend died a few weeks later. When I've mentioned this story to other people, a good half of the women say there was nothing wrong with the comment. They literally can't see past "Eats giant fried breakfasts and is rake-thin" to "Is thin because fatal disease is eating her up" 😳

It reminds me of that Naomi Campbell (?) quote about envying starving children's thinness.