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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex husband opened child maintenance case

41 replies

Twitwooooo · 11/01/2024 19:41

So as the name suggests really.

Won’t put too much info encase it drip feeds.
ExH and I have two children together. When we split 10ish years ago he refused to pay anything while working so I opened a child maintenance case against him. Every time they found him, issued warrant to deduct from income etc he’d quit his job and get another then stopped working entirely unless cash in hand which was a regular income for him and CMS couldn’t track apparently regardless of being told places and employers.
He was also abusive in our marriage.
This year our teenager decided the grass would be greener after 2 years of no contact (his choice). Other child stays with me and has no wishes to visit him.
He’s now opened a maintenance case against me after so many years of refusing to acknowledge how expensive children are and as I am a law abiding citizen they know how much I earn demanding I pay x amount a week/month to him.
So would I be unreasonable to take it to appeals? Would they even take into consideration my cooperation with the case verses his lack of cooperation?
I am more than happy to give teen money however, I am unsure they money would get spent or given towards their care if given to him.

OP posts:
Ihaterhymingrabbit · 11/01/2024 19:43

I don’t have any advice I just wanted to say I would be absolutely seething if this happened to me and I’m so sorry it’s happened to you!!

What a dickhead!!!!!!

TeaKitten · 11/01/2024 19:44

If he has one child 100% of the time and you have the other 100% of the time would be even get anything? I’d open a new case against him.

BoohooWoohoo · 11/01/2024 19:48

If you have one child 100% of the time and he has the other 100% of the time then you owe each other Child maintenance.
Do you earn more than him or do you not know his salary ?

BoohooWoohoo · 11/01/2024 19:49

Yanbu to be furious that he evades CMS for so long but is chasing you for CM now.

OdeToBarney · 11/01/2024 19:50

What a shithead! I'm sorry OP 😞 I don't know enough about cms to comment, but that is SO infuriating.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 11/01/2024 19:51

Can you open a case against him for arrears?

milesmachine · 11/01/2024 19:55

I have no idea but I just also wanted to chime in that I am aghast at the audacity of the man!!

As others have said, surely if you have a child each then it cancels each other out. I would also suggest as he owes you so much in back pay that any maintenance you may 'owe' should come off of his debt? But I realise things with CMS are never that simple, or fair!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 11/01/2024 19:58

That's incredibly frustrating! Do you earn a similar amount? Maybe if you do, put your own claim in but call to speak to them. Hopefully they'll be able to do something so they cancel each other out?!

Edit to add, I've found CMS tell the person they're speaking to what they want to hear. I know two parents, split from each other. His account shows him as up to date, no arrears but she has evidence of his arrears on her account. It's most bizarre.

titchy · 11/01/2024 19:59

Surely he's in arrears and even if you were assessed as owing you would knock it off his arrears?

Dacadactyl · 11/01/2024 20:03

I would do anything to string this out as long as possible and give him and the courts the absolute run around.

Surely he still owes you for the years the child lived with you!

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 11/01/2024 20:05

Don't reply.
If they do a DOE it's illegal for your employer to do this against your wishes.

Send him a message saying he got away with it so what does he think they'll do against you.

Travelismything · 11/01/2024 20:16

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 11/01/2024 20:05

Don't reply.
If they do a DOE it's illegal for your employer to do this against your wishes.

Send him a message saying he got away with it so what does he think they'll do against you.

This simply isn’t true , if your employer receives an official deduction of earnings order they will take it without notification as they are legally obliged to.

dcadmamagain · 11/01/2024 20:19

So CMS have on their files all the arrears he has built up over 10 years? It’s a no brainer whatever you are assessed at you offset against these arrears ( which he’s never going to pay) and of course these arrears are going to still be riding due to one child living with you.

you will have to fight CMS to get them to go it

Tinkerbyebye · 11/01/2024 20:22

Just do a case against him for the child that is with you

user63737383882 · 11/01/2024 20:28

Hi OP I am going through similar to you at the moment and sorry to say it not good with CMS.

I have 4 children, eldest gone to live with dad, despite dad owing 5k and now being on benefits so paying something silly like £7 a week towards his other three kids (and that has to be deducted directly from his benefits as he refuses to pay still so not being sorted for another couple of months) as I now have to pay him 10x more CsA for the one child he has than he pays for three.

I rang CSA thinking they may cancel it out or deduct from his arrears but apparantly not because they are separate cases they cannot do this and I could risk not paying and it being deducted from my wages before they would consider an appeal and me offsetting what I owe against his arrears (apparently they need to be similar amounts so I'll never get it to £5.5k as I wouldn't move jobs every 3 months like he did)

Summerhillsquare · 11/01/2024 20:31

I can't believe there isnt a group legal case for this type of thing. So many men dodging their responsibilities and govt does fuck all to hold them to account. We need an Alan Bates for child maintenance!!

dcadmamagain · 11/01/2024 21:47

It is possible to offset - google split care offsetting

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 11/01/2024 22:29

I've no idea but just chiming in to agree this man is a total bastard. I'm so angry on your behalf.

SD1978 · 11/01/2024 22:41

Simple answer- yes, you will now owe him child support. Do you have any arrears owed? He will now have to put down his place of employment, etc to be able to claim, so if you have any money owed you should be able to get that. Otherwise you will owe him for the child living with him, and he will owe you for the child living with you.

hellsBells246 · 11/01/2024 23:13

He is a complete thundercunt. Contact CMS, tell them about his lack of support, see if they can collect his arrears now.

What a dickless wonder.

Original poster
Twitwooooo · 12/01/2024 03:30

Thanks for all the responses guys. It’s a complete joke, I’ve been reeling ever since the phone call Tuesday.
@user63737383882 I’ve been researching and from what I can gather, disputing it seems quite simple and it’s free due to being a government body so no one has to agree to a mandatory reconsideration and then appeal, you just ask for one with your reasoning and evidence which you can then take to tribunals if it is the same outcome. I am so sorry you’re going through this too, I am dumbfounded that this is even allowed to happen and makes CMS an even bigger joke in my opinion.

OP posts:
TiredCatLady · 12/01/2024 03:38

No helpful advice just wanted to say what a prize bastard he is and I hope it bites him in the arse.

Ironingpile · 12/01/2024 03:41

I agree with @TiredCatLady and all the other posters.

Total twattery.

Original poster
Twitwooooo · 12/01/2024 03:44

To everyone suggesting to open a claim, I already have one open which he owes thousands which he will never pay as he is not in official paid employment or on benefits anymore due to being a mature student, that cancels out any UC he might have been eligible for and also his partner is on too much to be eligible for UC as a couple. I have been told the debt will stay there until he dies though soooo…

I think I will ask them to reassess his income for potential changes as they have had a baby now so UC entitlement might have changed, worth a shot. Thinking in common sense, having one child 100% of the time each should cancel out the claims and it is ridiculous that it doesn’t. I wouldn’t want to take anything from him financially while he’s got our teen.

I am not lying down on this, I am not going to just pay him either, I will be taking it all the way to tribunals if I need to and explain every single little thing. I think new CMS laws have come in so I don’t know how that will impact but my letter states they can take enforcement action, where the hell was my enforcement action when I was a single mum with rent arrears and so many other debts unbeknownst to me as he’d fraudulently taking them all out in my name!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Twitwooooo · 12/01/2024 04:10

@BoohooWoohoo he’s apparently unemployment but a full time student so last time they reviewed his case, he didn’t earn anything as the student grants he gets are taken as income through UC but not CMS. I earn a bit over minimum wage and work full time, I also wouldn’t swap and change my job like he did in the first two years of my claim against him. It used to take 3 monthsish for the full process to track his new employer, get warren to deduct and then he’d have a new jobj lined up ready to avoid again and start the process again until I’m assuming he ran out of jobs or thought he’d rather just not work to avoid?

OP posts: