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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be struggling with this or am I abnormal?

53 replies

tryingeverydayagain · 11/01/2024 18:58

My eldest is 17 and is dating her first "serious" boyfriend. She's started staying over at his house this week. I'm just feeling a bit uneasy with it, and I think it's because it signifies the transition from child to adult for me. I'm feeling almost bereft and struggling with letting go of "my little girl" as she becomes a young woman. I've literally sat and cried about this tonight.

Can any mums of teens relate to this? Or am I weird? 😢

Ps. I'm feeling a bit fragile so please refrain from being an arse. Thank you.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 12/01/2024 16:39

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/01/2024 15:29

I'm sure you're right and there are definitely nice teenage boys so I'm sorry if my post sounded disparaging about them.

But I'm afraid it doesn't change my view that in general, and with some notable exceptions, having relationships with boys in the teenage years isn't beneficial to girls.

This isn't because I think boys are bad or harmful per se: I just think that the whole setup around teenage relationships is based on the idea of "play acting" at being in grown up relationships and for girls this comes too soon. I don't think girls are emotionally ready for relationships before their 20s really; all they are doing is displacing far more useful activities and chasing something they aren't ready for. In the most benign cases (such as with your sons) this is all fairly harmless but it's still just a waste of time which could be much more productively spent on other activities. And in the worst cases it leads to unscrupulous boys taking advantage of girls.

Anyway generally I don't see the upside in encouraging girls and boys to couple up in their teens. I think they are both far too young.

Show quote history

I was pregnant as a teen and I still think this is a load of nonsense. My teen boy is far more sensible than I was.

BoohooWoohoo · 12/01/2024 16:43

I didn’t feel like that about staying over per se but it’s an age where there’s lots of “ooo she’s grown up” moments. For example I remember the first time dd drove off after passing her test. I didn’t cry but it was like eek. Same feeling when she went to uni, went on first holiday with her bf etc I’m proud that she has the confidence to go out and do stuff like that but also felt like time had passed so quickly…

DoIgotothefuneral · 12/01/2024 16:55

Sorry, haven't read the full thread, but, she will come back to you. Maybe not in the same way but she'll still need you. To ask advice, to look to for comfort, to be a practical help. When she has her own children, when she's buying a house, when she gets married...And everything in between.
I recently lost my mum and I'm 50. I needed her up to the day she died, and still need her now!
I was once told this quote: If you love someone enough, let them go. If they love you enough, they will return.

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