To reflect that ‘some chase ex for their salary not child contribution

[Genuinethought]

using ‘ ExDh’ as example as most common situation

Wondering genuinely …

If I was to work out how much extra having a child live in my house ( accounting for the cost of having an extra room for them )
would likely not come to around £500/ £700 a month, what I generally hear is paid in CMS.

Reflecting on the ‘ french private school’ related trending post…

I have seen many people chase and chase for exDH salary….when In reality there is no way that they are spending £700 a month on having a child ( the exDH £500 and £200 contribution of the other parent- due to the fact that the child costs is supposed to be shared , (accounting for them having child more frequently )

I wonder further about this, particularly when people live in a mortgaged property that is going up in price, yet the parent that has paid towards that housing will never have a claim on it …

When I stop and think the cost of my child’s room
their food
clothes
activities
holidays
savings
I just can’t see how it totals £500-700 every 30 days?

when you separate you may loose the ‘ bonus’ of another’s potentially greater salary… continually trying to access it, beyond what is realistic , seems unfair
AIBU

YABU

The non resident parent pays just 7% of their salary to the resident parent. So if the NRP earns £1000 a month, the RP gets just £70. Could you house, clothe, feed, and entertain a child on that? I know I couldn't.

Surely some of it depends on the cost of holidays/activities/ savings?

A room in a shared house would cost half what I pay in rent. Plus my council tax, electric, gas, WiFi, water rates would be included.

That extra rent+utilities is more than £500. That's before I even think about food, clothes etc.

hmm perhaps my post is more relevant for home owners/
mortgaged

More rent/mortgage costs as bigger house needed
Bigger house = more council tax and utilities
Food
Clothes
Education costs such as uniform and transport
Extra curricular activities
Health care
Birthday/Christmas

Its all adds up.

I could not support my kids on only £700 per month. If I wasn’t careful and didn’t constantly plan and prep meals ahead I could spend £500 just feeding my two, they’re constantly bloody starving. That’s without activities, school trips etc. It would be spent long before the mortgage was due and there certainly wouldn’t be any holidays or savings. Yabu.

But I don’t pay any where near that to give all of mine a very good life?

I know the cost of having children…. This is why it seems unrealistic…

£500 to feed two people for 30 days…. Come off it

It’s not just food though is it OP. It’s uniform, clothes, shoes, coats, books, days out, swimming lessons, phone contracts, laptops etc. Plus a bigger house and holidays cost more.

What do you spend then? And what age?

Housing, energy, transport, food, clothes, entertainment, childcare, hair cuts, dental appointments, school costs.

Surely if a parent is well paid you’d expect a lifestyle that matches. I struggle with the idea that a parent should only be responsible for half of basic food / water / accommodation if they are earning 50k plus.

You'll be dragged on here but there is some truth to what you're saying, depending on the level of payment.

People seem to forget that the contribution is supposed to be for half of the costs incurred for the days the RP has the child over the NRP. It's not supposed to cover the cost of raising the child entirely or even half of it.

The average cost of raising a child from birth to 18, including childcare, a portion of bills, etc. is currently worked out to be around £198k. So, in your example, £500 per month does actually cover half the cost of raising the child even if that child lives full time with the RP and never sees the NRP. The issue is when the NRP's payments are so much lower and don't cover what it should.

That’s a really Interesting and realistic response thank you.

I got divorced in the US, so I don’t know how far the approach is different, but one of the considerations was that a child should have the same lifestyle in both homes. This means that a high earner whose ex-spouse is the primary carer would be expected to contribute more than the minimum amount a child’s care might cost. (I also had a very good lawyer.)

older DC per child
£300 all in,
If that.
they have the elder hand me downs.
I save monthly for an annual holiday.
they have a hobbie each and some clothes new,
some brought online.
and that’s supporting them FULL TIME
not some of the week and some weekends.

Regardless of whether someone goes after their ex-spouse’s salary or not, they can only do this until the shared child(ren) turns 18. So it’s short-lived and the ex-spouse can keep their high salary to themselves thereafter.

But how much less would your rent/mortgage/gas/electric/water be if you were just living alone in a one bed flat? That’s the killer where we are based.

I spend £500 a month just on tutoring/clubs/wraparound care for one dc.

We also had an extreme income difference: I was a SAHM and he is a hospital consultant.

Add in bigger house, clothes, toys, food, more water, electricity etc

i don’t understand why a higher earner would their dc to live a lesser life. My parents divorced, our lifestyle didn’t change.

All the women I know who have separated are in the awful position of having lost the security of owning a home with a partner and not earning anywhere near enough to pay for a mortgage because childcare is coming out of their account to enable them to work so they're the ones that get shafted for it when banks calculate affordability.

None of them have a chance of getting a house.

I don't know any separated couples where the woman got the kids and was able to buy a house (SE) and I know a few who have had to move out of area or back in with parents to be able to exist at all. Meanwhile their DHs are in million pound houses and the man's affordability isn't affected at all.

I don't know any separated couples where the DH has become the RP either which is why my post is sexed.

That's one reason why I urge anyone with kids to think twice about separating if there's another way to make it work. The reality is not £700 a month of free money for most.

This is incorrect, closer to 20% of NRP salary if going by the child maintenance calculator

If you have a preschool child and the ExH never sees them the nursery fees will be really substantial.

And at the other end university costs are pretty high too.