To reflect that ‘some chase ex for their salary not child contribution

[Genuinethought]

using ‘ ExDh’ as example as most common situation

Wondering genuinely …

If I was to work out how much extra having a child live in my house ( accounting for the cost of having an extra room for them )
would likely not come to around £500/ £700 a month, what I generally hear is paid in CMS.

Reflecting on the ‘ french private school’ related trending post…

I have seen many people chase and chase for exDH salary….when In reality there is no way that they are spending £700 a month on having a child ( the exDH £500 and £200 contribution of the other parent- due to the fact that the child costs is supposed to be shared , (accounting for them having child more frequently )

I wonder further about this, particularly when people live in a mortgaged property that is going up in price, yet the parent that has paid towards that housing will never have a claim on it …

When I stop and think the cost of my child’s room
their food
clothes
activities
holidays
savings
I just can’t see how it totals £500-700 every 30 days?

when you separate you may loose the ‘ bonus’ of another’s potentially greater salary… continually trying to access it, beyond what is realistic , seems unfair
AIBU

The children of high earners would expect to have more than £300 per month though OP. They’ll probably be doing music lessons, multiple sports clubs etc. And why shouldn’t they!

This is incorrect, closer to 20% of NRP salary if going by the child maintenance calculator

If I didn’t have kids I’d live in a smaller house, so cheaper mortgage, my utilities would be less, I wouldn’t be paying for school lunches (£15/child/week), my food bills would be much less, I wouldn’t be paying for holidays in the same way, or days out, or swimming lessons, or clothes for constantly growing kids. Include Christmas, birthdays, family events etc and the costs soon mount up. That’s before I look at my loss of earnings, my children have complex support needs which means full time working is impossible - I still cover the bulk of after school and holiday childcare which comes at a financial cost to me.

As it is we share care so no maintenance is due either way but we work very hard to be fair to each other. We both decided we wanted kids, they shouldn’t be disadvantaged because we decided to separate.

Just for fun, OP, sit down and fill out a form E.

My x was of this mindset because he saw no value to my time. He gave no value to my freedom. No acknowledgement of any sacrifices I'd made. Just a blunt, crude list of expenses. No comprehension of how small my life had become. I got back in to the workplace when my youngest was 11 and it was still hard (he has SEN) My x is the same as you though, even though I've been working for years now, anything I had, a coat or a bag, he would say '''I paid for that'' as though I only had the 'right' to ask for child maintenance if I was DIRT POOR.

LUCKILY THE JUDGE AGREED WITH MY REQUEST THAT THE ''SACRIFICES OF PARENTING BE MADE A BIT MORE EQUAL''

So...if you lived in a 1 bed flat alone , - youregenuinely saying that, if all of a sudden, two children were thrust upon you. That your outgoings would only increase by £600 per month?

Including the rent/mortgage for a bigger property, all the increased bills (heating, council tax, electricity), the extra food, activities, clothes, stuff etc? £300 per month?

I used to get £180/month maintenance and DD’s bus permit to school came to £80/month. Her maths tuition a month was more than the£180 her dad paid. The swimming was £40 a month, the gym £25. £100-120 for school lunches.
He lived in a one bedroom, paying £70/week (so couldn’t have her overnight). My 2 bed was £750, because I was housing her as well.
That’s without food, utilities, Spotify, Netflix, clothes, school trips, clothes, make up, pocket money, 30 min showers etc
So what was your dilemma?

I don't understand the point of your post. You want the NRP to pay the minimum to just provide for the basic needs of their child even when they have a good lifestyle themselves. Why wouldn't they want to help achieve a good life for their child ?

I think the issue is im
comparing to what I know. Home owners who chase for more when they already receive ( as stated in my OP) approx £500.
some of the responses are going down the road of a lot less than that … and I’m sorry that’s your situation, but that’s not what I’m asking

Depends on when they split. Almost 2 decades is not ‘short-lived’

That's not the OP's point at all. They aren't talking about the minimum etc. They are highlighting that, in some cases, the amount paid by the NRP is actually demonstratively higher than covering half the costs of the additional days that the RP has the child. In those cases, the payment effectively acts as both child maintenance and ailmony as it's funding part of the RP's life beyond the child. The OP is talking about RP's who already receive high levels of payment from the NRP and are still pushing for more.

What about the cost of me having to go part time as ExH enjoyed the single life and saw the kids for one night a fortnight. He got to go on all inclusive holidays with his GF but never took the kids on holiday. He never contributed towards driving lessons, school trips etc. The ongoing impact on my pension.

and I’m sorry that’s your situation, but that’s not what I’m asking

I don’t think I’m understanding what you’re asking tbh, my two kids cost considerably more than £600/month all things considered. They’re worth every penny and more - I think resident parents get utterly shafted when the non-resident parent (usually dad) decides he doesn’t want to parent any more.

It’s not as simple as providing half of the bare minimum though, is it? You’d hope a high earning NRP would want to ensure their child has as good a lifestyle as they can afford to offer them. It wouldn’t be fair for the child and RP to live hand to mouth while the NRP enjoys their money.

Who is doing the grunt work, how does this get reflected in a minimum contribution. What a sad way to look at things.

What is the situation that makes you want to post about this?

An extra bedroom on a house is £60k minimum round here. Mortgage rates are 5% so that's £60k * 0.05 = 3k per year so that's £250 per month.

You'd also go up a council tax band which is an extra £20 a month.

Gas and electricity is probably an extra £50 a month? Maybe less I guess, I don't know.

That's £320.

Food - I think post the massive inflationary pressures £40 a week would be legit, but even at £30, that's another £130 a month (split the difference with £180 for £40 and call it an extra £150). I guess you could round it down in terms of them not being there all the time.

So that's £470, maybe a bit less.

School bus - here that would be £36 a month at least 10 months of the year, so that would be £30 a month.

So that's £500.

I haven't accounted for phone, clothes, uniform, holidays, after school clubs, things like football boots for hobbies.

I think the costs can add up pretty quickly.

You’re right, but this a TAAT and the shared child was 13.

Childcare would be about 1000 euro per month where I live. And even then, you obviously have to still fund a household on a job that works around children.

I can see how comfortable people who are already nicely set up have the luxury of believing that the cost of raising a child is just the cost of uniforms/food. It's not. The cost of raising children is mostly the lifestyle. If you're a single mum, with an aresehole x who thinks you should be grateful for a few quid, then you have to 1) take a job that works around your children, 2) deal with the consequences of that job paying less, 2a smaller pension contributions 2b decreased ability to save/get where you're going. These are the real costs.

You took the words out of my mouth!

Any good parent would want their child to have a good lifestyle if they can provide it.

If I was well off, I would want my DS to have the best of everything. A dad that doesn't want to contribute (or any NRP but let's face it, it's usually the dad) so their child can have a nice life is a pretty poor parent.

Good for the women who chase for more to give their DC the best and not accept the bare minumum I say.

Are you seriously saying OP that if your ex partner was a millionaire and you were on NMW, you would be happy with them contributing a couple of hundred quid a month to the raising of their children? Why should the children have to suffer a decline in their standard of living?

This!

Because I have kids I bought a 3 bedroom house in a good catchment area for London schools and close to the tube so I could do the childcare dash. The premium on this is a lot more than £700 per month and that's before childcare, food, utilities, activities, lessons, holidays, clothing, sports etc.

LOL if you think you can raise a teenager who goes up a shoe size every month on Freecycle hand me downs.

@IhaveanewTVnow I would have sod all respect as this blokes partner if he treated his kids this way I must admit!