Worried I'm not going to love my second child as much

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NC as I'm a regular poster on here and I'm worried about being judged and that what I'm feeling right now isn't normal.

As the thread title mentions, that's all I can think about at the moment. I'm a few weeks off giving birth and I'm starting to panic. I'm worried that these feelings are going to develop into something much bigger when he arrives.

I can't shake the sadness that it'll no longer just be me and my firstborn. He is my absolute world, I honestly can't imagine loving another child more. I'm also worrying and feeling guilt about the thought of having to divide my attention, I don't want DS to feel confused or left out. We have an incredible bond, will I naturally feel this with my second?

Somebody please tell me I'm being ridiculous and that these feelings will go away once DS2 is born? 😢

You will. I felt like that but I love my baby so much maybeeven more. You will have more love to give than you realise!

Once you have your second, you realise that the barrel of love you have for your children is bottomless. Sounds trite, but it’s true.

I've spoken to my mum about how I'm feeling. She thinks I'm being ridiculous and said how could I even think about not loving my own flesh and blood. Of course I will love him, but I just can't imagine it being the same amount of love that I have for my first

I didn’t love my second or third children as much at first. But the longer they were around the more they grew on me and within a couple of months each time they had caught up.

Yeah this is what I'm thinking. That the immediate same level of love won't be there once he's born

I was worried about this with DS2. I remember just being overwhelmed by how much I loved DS1, and panicking that I was ruining his life by having a second child, and that I'd be ruining the second child's life by not loving them as much. Now DS2 has been home for 10 months and DS1 probably thinks I have ruined his life, and I am overwhelmed by how much I love them both (usually when they are asleep, and all the things that make them difficult are forgotten!)

I felt exactly the same. There's 5 years between my two so we'd been a little team for all that time and I did really worry. But it's true what they say about the love just doubling and I love my 3 month old just as much. It's been wonderful to see my DS with his new little brother. Please try not to worry too much, but it's also completely normal to worry.

Love doubles, it isn't shared. When you conceived #2 you had room in your heart for a second one, that hasn't changed.

That said I would say having wobbles is totally normal, especially as your hormones are all over the place, but please cut yourself some slack feeling the way you do.

Love does not diminish. Love grows. Your heart will expand and you will have endless room for both your children to share in it equally.

I remember feeling exactly the same when I was pregnant with my second. Don't worry! Babies bring their own love with them. You will love your first child just as much as you do now, and there will also be an equal amount of love for the new arrival. Best of luck for a smooth and easy delivery!

Love doesn’t divide, it multiplies.

I love mine differently - not more or less, but the love feels different to me. Also, when the 2 of them are together and being cute it will blow your mind.

I felt the same, and so did a friend. But once they’d arrived we soon realised that we needn’t have worried.
As they say, babies bring their own love with them.

Once you have baby in your arms you will wonder why you were worried. I have two sons and it's been the best experience. They have always been close and get on really well. The younger one who is now 18 often tells me how glad he's got his brother. Eldest brother really looks after him. I lost my Husband ten years ago and eldest really stepped up.

Honestly I pretended I wasn’t in labour with my second I was petrified of it all becoming real and my feelings like yours would come true. I’d been in labour all day, and just about made it to the hospital when I admitted defeat 🤣.

honestly as soon as I set eyes on him I had this feeling that he was meant to be here and our family was complete.

not going to lie there were very wobbly days, when we got home and introduced them, and the adjustments that bought. But they are great together most the time, and they are very different and I love different things about them.

to also say though, that you’ll feel what you feel, you may need some time to work them out once he’s here and you have your new reality, but just know it’s normal to feel that way now, and it doesn’t mean you’ll always feel this way. I think with your second you know what your in for such as the early days with a newborn, the birth and that all adds to the mix.

Without wanting to make you puke, someone said this to me, when I expressed the same doubts: 'the flame of a candle doesn't dim when you light a second candle' and for me that was true. We have a much bigger capacity for love than we know. Sorry, that does sound really cringe but I think it's true.

The love expands and you love every baby as if it were your first.

I have 3 (exasperating young adults now) and I love them all with all my heart.

I felt like this. Worried, guilty, sad, and it just increased once I realised I was having another girl as I already had a lovely girl, how could I possibly love two! But I did, everyone does. You just experience more love and honestly it is wonderful.

There will be the occasional tough day when they are both crying and want different things where you wonder why you ever did this. But the love for both will be there.

I thought this.

You will love them equally amounts ❤️

It's a totally normal worry OP! But you will love them so much.

It's perfectly OK to feel.this way.

When I was pregnant with DS2 it never occurred to me that I wouldn't fall instantly in love. But in fact, when he was born, I was shocked at how indifferent I felt towards him. It took a few weeks for me to start feeling the love for him. I remember once imagining a disaster scenario where I could only save one child, and knowing that it would be DS1 that I'd rescue.

But by the time he was 3 or 4 months old that all changed, and I loved them both with all my heart. Still do even though they're now independent adults.

Don't worry! My second has absolutely completed our family and we are better as a result of her coming along. She is totally different to her sibling but in wonderful ways, just as wonderful as her sibling. I take equal delight in both of them, in different ways. And love them equally. Love is something if you give it away you end up having more!

I had all the same worries when I was expecting DC2. As soon as I looked at his little face when he was born I loved him exactly the same as DC1.

17 years later and that love (for both of them) has done nothing but grow and grow.

Many of us have felt like this, come back in a couple of months and let us know as I’m sure you’ll be telling us it came as naturally as the first, because it does

I felt EXACTLY this. It's normal. I couldn't imagine sharing the love with a new child I didn't know yet, I felt so guilty for first born! But as soon as second arrived.. I wondered what I had worried about. The love doubles, not halves.