Worried I'm not going to love my second child as much

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NC as I'm a regular poster on here and I'm worried about being judged and that what I'm feeling right now isn't normal.

As the thread title mentions, that's all I can think about at the moment. I'm a few weeks off giving birth and I'm starting to panic. I'm worried that these feelings are going to develop into something much bigger when he arrives.

I can't shake the sadness that it'll no longer just be me and my firstborn. He is my absolute world, I honestly can't imagine loving another child more. I'm also worrying and feeling guilt about the thought of having to divide my attention, I don't want DS to feel confused or left out. We have an incredible bond, will I naturally feel this with my second?

Somebody please tell me I'm being ridiculous and that these feelings will go away once DS2 is born? 😢

You're not being ridiculous so don't feel bad. I think it's a normal worry. I certainly worried about this too. But I'm pleased to say it never happened and I'm as in love with DC2 as his older brother. And we're into secondary school age now! You'll be fine.

I felt the same, didn't know how I could fit anymore room in my heart to love another child and I was so worried I wouldn't love her but I love her sooo much

The love you have doesn't get split between your kids. The love you have to give grows so you can love more.

I know we are not supposed to have favourites but I know I do and I know my mother did. The difference is my kids do t know and growing up I very much knew I was least loved. If anything i do more for my non favourite child, everybody thinks he's my favourite. But he has significant needs that negatively impact on my firstborn and I can't help resent that. You just have to remember it's never the child's fault. The fact you are worried about it tells me you will do right by your kids don't let it get to you.

I felt the same, my 1st child is 9.5 years older than 2nd. All disappeared the moment she was born. I finally understood what I heard before, mother's heart grows, not divides. You'll be fine, so will your children ❤️

Yeah this is what I'm thinking. That the immediate same level of love won't be there once he's born

It's true that the same level of love may not be there straight away. After all, you've had time to bond with your eldest, but not yet with a new baby. But don't worry if it doesn't happen straight away, I promise it will come.

An absolutely normal fear that many Mums have .That worry disappeared as soon as my second baby was in my arms .Same with number three!

I felt that way until I read this: ‘love doesn’t divide, it multiplies.’ It’s true.

Before I had my second born, I read somewhere (probably on here!)
Love doesn't divide, it multiplies
You might not think so now, but it's possible to feel the same about a new baby. And the love you'll witness your current child, showing towards your new child, will help 😍
It's so normal to have these doubts though

Mine are adults now but I still remember being in labour and looking at ds1 asleep in his bed as I was about to leave the house to go to the hospital and worrying exactly the same. A few hours later when ds 2 was placed in my arms the same overwhelming feeling of love came just the same as ds1.
I do however think you are being reasonable about the change in the amount of attention you will have for both. I did feel guilty that I had less time to devote to ds1 once he had a brother and I also felt guilty that ds2 didn't get the same attention his older brother did in the first 3 years.

I think how you're feeling is very normal and common. It's hard to imagine loving another the same, but you will and it really will feel like double the love! Your first will suddenly seem massive and grown up, but I found that they 'shrunk' back down over the first week or two and saw the same as before. There is guilt regards having to split your attentions between two, but you learn to juggle and judge who needs your attention more at different times. Good luck!

This is very common. I remember crying to my husband the day before my C-section, worrying about this and also that I was about to totally upend my precious first born’s world! It will be fine as others have said.

My mum told me she felt like this when she was pregnant with my younger brother! I was a very clingy baby and took up a huge amount of her attention. Then my brother came a long and of course she loved him just as much.

I didn't feel as much for my second when she arrived. I loved my first so intensely as I knew her and had watched her grow every day since she was born. So it took time for that to happen with my second, I didn't feel so intensely for a while, a few months as her personality emerged and i got used to her looking and being different to my first born. And now I love them both exactly the same. My two fight but also love each other so much. It's very true that the love multiplies.

Your heart grows. My two are so different and every day we are in awe of how wonderful each of them are. Takes some work but I love playing with my eldest and helping him to include the baby within the play.
Parenting the second feels so easy after the first has "paved the way", and we feel so much more like a family now. It's great.

Go easy and enjoy the moments with each on their own, and both together.

You're not being ridiculous it's a real fear , I felt absolutely the same as you when I was pregnant with my second baby . I didn't think I could possibly feel the same as I did for my first baby but I did , it wasn't immediate but it did come not long after my daughter was born .
I realised that the love I had for my son wasn't halved, nothing was taken away from him, my love expanded to encompass my daughter .
A mother's love just grows. Xxx

You know what, in my experience the problem could work the other way too. One thing is the second child being younger will need perhaps more care and attention at first and tends therefore to get more of your time.

I remember having a really hard time of that not only because (naturally) it made my elder jealous but also I missed my firstborn a lot!

I'd advise you to tell your husband and anyone who is around helping (your mother, any nanny, any nurse) that once in a while could they please take away the baby so you could have some one-on-one time with your first child... so you can do THEIR bath or bedtime or take them to nursery or whatever. I wish I had understood that in advance of my second child, because I was blindsided and didn't dare to ask.

In the long term, it'll almost certainly be ok. This kind of love expands. Though there are still weeks and months when you find one or the other harder work/more tiring to be with! But that doesn't mean you love one the more, just there are certain stages and personalities that can be exhausting.